tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78718930036905393782024-03-17T00:32:39.021-07:00Diary of a Durban DoulaAs a Doula, I serve and support moms though the childbearing process in whatever way I can - creating space for informed decision making and advocating for empowered birth experiences for moms here in Durban. That and advocating for evidence based care for mothers the world over!Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-28403865069554021702018-06-02T10:24:00.001-07:002018-06-02T10:42:34.526-07:009 Reasons I Chose Not to Get an Epidural<h3>
...including Side effects, Catheters, and Control Issues et cetera </h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnHZh1U9QZlkgCbKaqkCEbsMbOUPjoPLz1Wa20UMMCiS3HWpFzpEYWtU-a_q9yN85GtQCT7BgZqwdrjsYf_NQAV5UqakjULht0n_P1dJzGkYupQDkVjIzc0jmy4e7CWu1FKUBeT7GtLpU/s1600/my+9+reasons+to+not+get+an+epidural.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="9 Reasons I Chose Not to Get an Epidural" border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnHZh1U9QZlkgCbKaqkCEbsMbOUPjoPLz1Wa20UMMCiS3HWpFzpEYWtU-a_q9yN85GtQCT7BgZqwdrjsYf_NQAV5UqakjULht0n_P1dJzGkYupQDkVjIzc0jmy4e7CWu1FKUBeT7GtLpU/s400/my+9+reasons+to+not+get+an+epidural.png?imgmax=735" title="9 Reasons I Chose Not to Get an Epidural" width="266" /></a></div>
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Here is the short version of my <b>9 reasons not to get an epidural</b> for the birth of my first child:<br />
<ol>
<li>The Urinary Catheter</li>
<li>What if it doesn't work?</li>
<li>Control Issues</li>
<li>For the Experience</li>
<li>We've come so far</li>
<li>The Natural High</li>
<li>Breastfeeding</li>
<li>Caesarean Section</li>
<li>Cascade of Interventions</li>
</ol>
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Like many moms I thought: 'Will I be able to handle the pain? Why would a woman needlessly and willingly subject herself to the most excruciating torture ever experienced?' </div>
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Good question!<br />
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At first the whole idea of an epidural sounds like a win-win-win situation, no pain, no pain and no pain! But no procedure is without risk. Learning about the risks of an epidural helped me make my decision to avoid an epidural as far as possible!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I've heard women say they'd rather give birth than pass kidney stones...</blockquote>
To start with, many women find the intensity of labour is actually not the worst pain in the world, despite what movies would have us believe. I've heard women say they'd rather give birth than pass kidney stones, for example. But every woman's experience is different, and I can only speak for myself and tell you why I decided to avoid an epidural as far as I could.<br />
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So, what follows were my reasons for not getting an epi, based on what I knew when I gave birth to my first daughter. There are others, but these were mine at the time:<br />
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<h3 id="catheter">
1. The Urinary Catheter</h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...because when you're numb from the waist down, peeing by yourself poses a significant challenge.</blockquote>
Do you know how many women are unaware that an epidural is not just a needle in your spine and that's it? The moment you choose an epidural, you need an IV line, if you don't have one already, and you need a urinary catheter, because when you're numb from the waist down, peeing by yourself poses a significant challenge. Yeah, I know they usually only insert the catheter after you're numb, but just the thought of it makes me squirm.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1fPde6l_EgDpry4fEyboKj2uR5Sfxhw5AGZUJ_SmHh_0WfdkYkRGUPYakM8CBFnud5z3pB9Q000TtGijYywYN82q9RdcSjNs-RlQZ7igVpA2rBJcNz_nsMI4L3F9mL2DvqgQyI45NBvI/s1600/7320164658Medline-Two-Layer-Silicone-Elastomer-Coated-Latex-Foley-Catheter-Trays-L-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Reasons not to get an epidural - #1 - You have to have a urinary catheter" border="0" data-original-height="712" data-original-width="1000" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1fPde6l_EgDpry4fEyboKj2uR5Sfxhw5AGZUJ_SmHh_0WfdkYkRGUPYakM8CBFnud5z3pB9Q000TtGijYywYN82q9RdcSjNs-RlQZ7igVpA2rBJcNz_nsMI4L3F9mL2DvqgQyI45NBvI/s320/7320164658Medline-Two-Layer-Silicone-Elastomer-Coated-Latex-Foley-Catheter-Trays-L-L.jpg" title="Reasons not to get an epidural - #1 - You have to have a urinary catheter" width="320" /></a></div>
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On top of that you have to have a blood bressure cuff, and if you didn't have it already, and an electronic foetal monitoring device, and contraction monitor strapped onto your belly, or placed internally. I mean, are there any other orifices you'd like to invade? I may have one or two left that haven't been poked or prodded in the last couple of hours... So yes, we can have all the studies about side effects and neonatal and maternal morbidity in the world, but this was a biggie for me! So lets count those wires / tubes:<br />
<ol>
<li>Epidural Catheter</li>
<li>Urinary Catheter</li>
<li>Blood Pressure Cuff</li>
<li>IV Line</li>
<li>Contraction Monitor</li>
<li>Baby's Heart Monitor </li>
</ol>
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The idea of 6 wires and tibes going into or stuck onto my body was a big part of my decision to exhaust any and all alternatives before resorting to an epidural!</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoyEox_ynKnJtWFokaE5ZYRDVK_xR-yDYInW1Sr-qvX0-ZCZ4cEMR0B9x6jRmvkfnwyGDS9wlRcfC3EXiGLYJWBwrXfZcC2vO0K03Rr9KNfRyzh58WwlwCPqlWk2snaPPG08F4LMUPBU/s1600/COMBINE-SPINAL-EPIDURAL-SET.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="9 Reasons I Chose not to get an Epidural - Big needles!" border="0" data-original-height="1221" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoyEox_ynKnJtWFokaE5ZYRDVK_xR-yDYInW1Sr-qvX0-ZCZ4cEMR0B9x6jRmvkfnwyGDS9wlRcfC3EXiGLYJWBwrXfZcC2vO0K03Rr9KNfRyzh58WwlwCPqlWk2snaPPG08F4LMUPBU/s320/COMBINE-SPINAL-EPIDURAL-SET.png?imgmax=1000" title="9 Reasons I Chose not to get an Epidural - Big needles!" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An epidural catheter kit. (<a href="http://meditechdevices.com/epidural-catheter-3/" target="_blank">Link</a>)<br />
Those stripes on the needle are each 1cm wide.</td></tr>
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Besides that, the idea of that big needle burying itself 4-6cm into my spine freaked me out more than the idea of pain did. (To be fair, the needle itself doesn't stay there, but still. For interest's sake, see how an epidural is done <a href="http://www.babybumpservices.com/epidural-procedure/" target="_blank">here</a> - opens a new window.)<br />
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<h3 id="notwork">
2. What if it doesn't work?</h3>
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I didn't want to set my heart on an epidural and then have it not work sufficiently, which happens in about 5-20% of women.[1,2] Since I had my first baby a friend of mine had one that wore off as she was just reaching the peak of transition phase, and they generally won't top up the medication at that stage as it is much better for you to have sensation while pushing. She went smack bang into the most intense part of labour without warning and without any chance to stay on top of the pain psychologically or give her body a chance to build up its own endorphins naturally. Not fun!<br />
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As a doula I've had clients whose epidurals only took on one side - so they still had full sensation on one side without the option to move around to help relieve the discomfort.<br />
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<h3 id="control">
3. Control Issues</h3>
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Ok, so I am a control freak. Also, I'm a dancer, so my mobility is really important to me. I absolutely hate feeling restricted in my movements. If you were to watch me trying on clothes you'd think I was more than a little strange. I squat, touch my toes, do high kicks, swing my arms, and if I feel too restricted I don't buy the item.<br />
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I also dislike getting drunk and the whole idea of ingesting mind-altering substances irks me because I can't stand the thought that I won't be in control. Psychoanalyze me if you like, blame it on the fact that people used to hold me down and tickle me as a child, whatever, but don't give me an epidural! Actually, being a control freak was a major factor in my decision to have <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2018/05/eloises-birth-story-my-second-childs.html" target="_blank">a home birth with #2!</a><br />
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<h3 id="experience">
4. For the Experience</h3>
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In all honesty, I secretly wanted to know if I could handle the pain. Some people want to climb Everest, or run a marathon or some other strenuous yet satisfying experience just to have the satisfaction of achievement. So why go look for one, and have to pay for it, when I have a potentially life-altering event barrelling towards me?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDltSnhflV8fNPHGyKUmZ4lQlSFltfYYv8uW5EE3MVtmwixXc6m0nlL-8d9Uu6DsxHRqDDEgveHaf-pkUzJ1ZUZ-drdgr3TYeBxVNTmde-4SKsloKavUm_uv9VSCXqcxW8gMlrCk5FTZI/s1600/1913633_196618650543_6841521_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="My dad summiting Mount Kilimanjaro at age 60" border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="604" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDltSnhflV8fNPHGyKUmZ4lQlSFltfYYv8uW5EE3MVtmwixXc6m0nlL-8d9Uu6DsxHRqDDEgveHaf-pkUzJ1ZUZ-drdgr3TYeBxVNTmde-4SKsloKavUm_uv9VSCXqcxW8gMlrCk5FTZI/s320/1913633_196618650543_6841521_n.jpg?imgmax=604" title="My dad summiting Mount Kilimanjaro at age 60" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My dad summiting Mount Kilimanjaro at age 60...<br />
Maybe being a sucker for punishment runs in the family ;-)</td></tr>
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You know what, it was hard work, but I can honestly say that I see the births of my three children - all without drugs, one at hospital and two at home - as three of my greatest experiences ever. They were by no means easy, but it was so completely worth it to be there, fully and wholly there, not sedated or nauseous or dizzy or disorientated as I could have been under the influence of drugs, but really and truly present! The sensation of a baby moving down the birth canal where you can actually feel your child squirming and working with you to be born - that is truly miraculous!<br />
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<h3 id="sofar">
5. We've come so far</h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QIQQQpNk4NF6tuFKVwE-Q7kS3QhzDqz8Eap6biUDxFZ4B9zmghbxlT0faX2-bo4FZ1Oj1k8NhKgM7HkH0QNmp9jixR42l9yFa3vxLYlwX-l1BgaeStPvdR2V6fcjgWszCmjsWCFPzE8/s1600/Sushi+vs+Epidural+-+9+Reasons+I+Chose+not+to+Get+an+Epidural.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Sushi vs Epidural - Reasons I Chose not to Get an Epidural" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="458" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-QIQQQpNk4NF6tuFKVwE-Q7kS3QhzDqz8Eap6biUDxFZ4B9zmghbxlT0faX2-bo4FZ1Oj1k8NhKgM7HkH0QNmp9jixR42l9yFa3vxLYlwX-l1BgaeStPvdR2V6fcjgWszCmjsWCFPzE8/s800/Sushi+vs+Epidural+-+9+Reasons+I+Chose+not+to+Get+an+Epidural.png" title="Sushi vs Epidural - Reasons I Chose not to Get an Epidural" width="180" /></a>I could never understand why I would avoid caffeine, sushi, painkillers, swordfish, hair dye, blue cheese, alcohol and chicken liver pate for 9 months and then pump myself full of powerful drugs that do cross the placenta and have not been tested on babies, without being informed of the risks. It made no sense to me whatsoever, especially considering there are alternatives that don't carry the same risks or side effects. How can you make a choice, and take responsibility for that choice, if you aren't aware of <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2013/09/keep-calm-and-use-your-brain.html" target="_blank" width="180">the benefits <b>and</b> the risks</a> of a procedure?<br />
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<h3 id="naturalhigh">
6. The Natural High</h3>
<br />
Yeah, the epidural can take away the pain, but they don't tell you that it can also take away the pleasure. Did you know in the natural course of labour you and your baby produce beta-endorphins in response to the discomfort experienced? Mom's endorphins cross the placenta as well, so baby gets an extra dose.<br />
<br />
When mom experiences no pain as a result of anaesthesia or other drugs, the baby doesn't get those endorphins and it stands to reason that the baby then experiences birth as more traumatic than a baby receiving the full dose of endorphins. Also, as soon as the baby is born and you are no longer in pain, you experience the endorphin rush as euphoria.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The levels of oxytocin in a woman's body in the hour after an undisturbed birth are the highest they will ever be in her whole life. Yes, even higher than they could be after the best multiple extended super ginormous orgasm ever.</blockquote>
An epidural also disrupts the production of oxytocin, known as the love hormone, which is the same hormone that causes contractions, the hormone released in orgasm, and the hormone that is necessary for successful breastfeeding. The levels of oxytocin in a woman's body in the hour after an undisturbed birth are the highest they will ever be in her whole life. Yes, even higher than they could be after the best multiple extended super ginormous orgasm ever. Who would want to miss out on that? Not me!<br />
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<h3 id="breastfeeding">
7. Breastfeeding</h3>
<br />
Getting an epidural affects your central nervous system. Epidural drugs cross the placenta. Epidural drugs affect your baby's central nervous system. Sucking is a reflex action. A compromised central nervous system can result in a compromised sucking reflex. Compromised sucking reflex impacts breastfeeding success. Capiche?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I wanted to give myself the best chance possible.</blockquote>
Unfortunately, pethidine and other intravenous drugs have a similar effect, so no help there! I was so passionate about breastfeeding that even the thought that the epidural could possibly be related to a decrease in my chances of breastfeeding was enough to put me off completely. [3] I felt that having an AA cup to start with put me at a disadvantage so I wanted to give myself the best chance possible.<br />
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<h3 id="csection">
8. Caesarean section risk</h3>
<br />
I was desperate to avoid a caesarean. Epidurals are known to increase the chances of needing a caesarean because of something known as the cascade of interventions. When an epidural is given before active labour starts, the risk of needing a caesarean section more than doubles. [4]<br />
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<h3 id="cascade">
9. Cascade of Interventions</h3>
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An epidural often slows labour down, so you may need medication (usually Pitocin) to speed things up. Use of Pitocin is known to cause respiratory distress in babies, often causing the doctor to suggest a caesarean section. Even if you don't end up having a caesarean, getting an epidural increases your chances of the baby being in a bad position (because the muscles in the pelvic floor relax too much and you are on your back) and increases your chances of requiring forceps or a ventouse (vacuum) to get the baby out. It also increases your chances of needing an episiotomy, which, like me, you may want to avoid.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhff3sF6Bg7i_bj1lxDqlK9_4rMpTagT3djYQ1y6bECEMbH_WvnZXdWVQ1i-ZOnr4Rh_INNgimN9KnwW8Q3o9YNfHJV3zksOSAT3yEQq3Dj_Flr1ik_swIUuQCtq0c0ZX3bAlryAD-zJr8/s1600/Cascade+of+Interventions+Epidural.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="992" data-original-width="660" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhff3sF6Bg7i_bj1lxDqlK9_4rMpTagT3djYQ1y6bECEMbH_WvnZXdWVQ1i-ZOnr4Rh_INNgimN9KnwW8Q3o9YNfHJV3zksOSAT3yEQq3Dj_Flr1ik_swIUuQCtq0c0ZX3bAlryAD-zJr8/s800/Cascade+of+Interventions+Epidural.png?imgmax=660" width="212" /></a></div>
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Having said all that, if you think I would never get an epidural, you are mistaken. There are times when the risks of getting an epidural are less that the risks of not getting an epidural. (See <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2013/09/keep-calm-and-use-your-brain.html" target="_blank">Use Your Brain</a> for tips on assessing relative risk).<br />
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Our bodies produce catecholamines in response to discomfort, stress, bright light and noise. While a certain level is helpful toward the end of labour, when catecholamine levels are too high, labour can be inhibited. Sometimes an epidural can give mom a break so that catecholamine levels can drop and labour can continue.<br />
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So while there are other reasons not to get an epidural, these were the biggies for me. Before you get upset with me, I don't judge ladies who do choose to get an epidural, but I do believe that many of them go into it without knowing any of the risks or the alternatives, and then afterwards say they wish they had known. So now you know!<br />
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Now that you are considering not getting an epidural, I'm sure you'd like to know about some alternative methods of pain relief! I have a post on that in the pipeline so make sure you subscribe to the blog via email or like our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/durbandoula/" target="_blank">Diary of a Durban Doula Facebook page</a> so you don't miss it when it hits the press!<br />
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<h4>
References:</h4>
<br />
This is not an exhaustive list - but include the most comprehensive / specific links I could find on each issue.<br />
1. Agaram R, Douglas MJ, McTaggart RA, Gunka V. Inadequate pain relief with labor epidurals: a multivariate analysis of associated factors. International Journal of Obstetric Anesthesia, 2009, Vol 18,10-14.<br />
2. Le Coq G, Ducot B, Benhamou D. Risk factors of inadequate pain relief during epidural analgesia for labor and delivery. Canadian Journal of Anaesthesia, 1998, Aug Vol 45(8),719-23.<br />
3. Riordan J, Gross A, Angeron J, Krumwiede R, Melin J. The Effect of Labor Pain Relief Medication on Neonatal Suckling and Breastfeeding Duration. Journal of Human Lactation, 2000, Vol 16(1),7-12.<br />
4. Klein MC. Does epidural analgesia increase the rate of cesarean section? Canadian Family Physician 2006 Vol 52,419-421.<br />
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Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-64088154375094294672018-05-22T04:16:00.000-07:002018-05-22T04:16:04.366-07:00My experience of Prodromal LabourExperiencing Prodromal Labour can be frustrating and confusing!<br />
Here is the story of my experience with Prodromal Labour taken from my Week 38 Pregnancy Diary for Baby #2<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNeIPPykSX_S5x-rH8tTiamZ8grL2h11z9CPGabW9V-0J1G1pyxmfxTvY7-2rgVACEKL7pVCZFRNgygKo3eSKL9SrxGmC5CAO_gep-gvL6Q98-Aj_VzEK4aAAcpgKFuXvhB-IWt-W5KZw/s1600/My+experience+of+Prodromal+Labour.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNeIPPykSX_S5x-rH8tTiamZ8grL2h11z9CPGabW9V-0J1G1pyxmfxTvY7-2rgVACEKL7pVCZFRNgygKo3eSKL9SrxGmC5CAO_gep-gvL6Q98-Aj_VzEK4aAAcpgKFuXvhB-IWt-W5KZw/s320/My+experience+of+Prodromal+Labour.png?imgmax=735" width="213" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3TuTUnLk5EViEIefyOhmykV5JxnnDEVUdDZmfFTtZOl-4lj0V4U8fYlv91bIhyphenhyphen9FLzH7GWkWAjErlGOdN44cxRlbGKNQKqORaxdT-mxnVNPz2zGRu2CoeEvjM0lmR_Y07NxxxsDF6aEI/s1600/Prodromal+Labour.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3TuTUnLk5EViEIefyOhmykV5JxnnDEVUdDZmfFTtZOl-4lj0V4U8fYlv91bIhyphenhyphen9FLzH7GWkWAjErlGOdN44cxRlbGKNQKqORaxdT-mxnVNPz2zGRu2CoeEvjM0lmR_Y07NxxxsDF6aEI/s320/Prodromal+Labour.png?imgmax=800" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pg/karenephotography/" target="_blank">Karen E Photography</a></td></tr>
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Week 38 was certainly a memorable one! In week 37 I was experiencing mild nausea on and off, some lower backache, menstrual type cramps and the like - well, they only got worse! In terms of baby's vital statistics: At week 38, baby is approximately 50cm long and weighs about 3kg, although those guesstimates get less accurate as time goes on. Baby is considered 'term' from 37 weeks, but there are many great benefits to sticking around until 40 weeks so we'll see.<br />
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<h3>
Saturday</h3>
On Saturday morning I had a bring-and-share continental breakfast with some lady friends - a great idea for an easy get-together - especially if you are 9 months pregnant. I struggled to sleep since Wednesday night because of the back pain and cramping. Through Saturday and Sunday, twinges and such seemed to get worse and the sense of downward pressure increased. I was just over 37 weeks pregnant but even as a second time mom it felt like labour starting to me, albeit quite slowly.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
On Saturday evening I had some pretty strong, regular contractions...</blockquote>
On Saturday evening I had some pretty strong, regular contractions - about 30s each every 5-7min, but they happened quite soon after a cup of red raspberry leaf tea and an unusually long toddler breastfeeding session, which I have since discovered is the result of some unknown ailment currently causing a fever. I wasn't sure whether I should encourage the process with some red raspberry leaf tea, speed walking, stair climbing, breastfeeding and of course, conjugal intimacy, or if I should try to slow things down - resting, warm baths and the like - so I just carried on as usual.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I had all relevant parties on standby all weekend!</blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Lxd2tiBDNSwQfhndIj_3eLtwfRwpb0bHF9du65FM_S7_NOgZMcQCmKO6UfFBVi0cd-MYJ2rM7nHKFlMQsgGOthvMWy74d6Afx05aM92_0nXP1q3fZHijzX5NTGB9ygHWSobcKd2H9jE/s1600/http_%25252F%25252Fdiaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Lxd2tiBDNSwQfhndIj_3eLtwfRwpb0bHF9du65FM_S7_NOgZMcQCmKO6UfFBVi0cd-MYJ2rM7nHKFlMQsgGOthvMWy74d6Afx05aM92_0nXP1q3fZHijzX5NTGB9ygHWSobcKd2H9jE/s320/http_%25252F%25252Fdiaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com.png?imgmax=735" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pg/karenephotography/" target="_blank">Karen E Photography</a></td></tr>
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<h3>
Sunday</h3>
By Sunday afternoon, my midwife Arlen thought it best that I try get a good night's sleep, rather than encouraging the process and ending up exhausted and not progressing, so I took a warm bath and went to bed. It was the most restful night I'd had that week! I had genuinely thought things were happening and I had the relevant parties on standby all weekend!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I honestly believed I was in labour...</blockquote>
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Monday </h3>
Monday morning rolled around and things were getting going again - I honestly believed I was in labour - I had definite, reasonably regular contractions that I had to concentrate on and breathe through. The toddler and I were washing dishes and every couple of minutes I would have to lean forward onto the sink and focus on my breathing to get through each one. So I called in the troops. My mom drove up from Durban, my friend Janine excused herself from work while another friend Kerry brought supplies (chocolate!) and Hans went to collect the birth pool.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...things seemed to have slowed again...</blockquote>
By the time Janine arrived, things had slowed again, so we took the toddler in the stroller for a walk around the block. On our 2nd, and last circuit, a friend of Janine's caught up with us and we spent some time chatting. She had had two homebirths with my midwife as well so it was great to chat to her! As our paths diverged she mentioned she had quite a strong impression from God that our baby would have a particular character trait, which will remain confidential for the moment. I started crying right there because that was precisely the meaning of one of the final two names on our shortlist, which we hadn't shared with anyone. So the name of our little girl was decided! I was very encouraged!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
By this time things had completely slowed down...</blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJBrJTEhsx3VQda1GiDUhSXzELWaddVgRuvpnm3-sMaRF_DGESHTPcatpMAStpYJH3qvv0l5RvYWoHc-RsesJCrcX7SyiInitXp_hOrTVLqJy6AKuY-EryQE0vICIjPWBfV_Zq6bovay4/s1600/Pictures+233.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJBrJTEhsx3VQda1GiDUhSXzELWaddVgRuvpnm3-sMaRF_DGESHTPcatpMAStpYJH3qvv0l5RvYWoHc-RsesJCrcX7SyiInitXp_hOrTVLqJy6AKuY-EryQE0vICIjPWBfV_Zq6bovay4/s400/Pictures+233.jpg?imgmax=1200" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last few days of being an only child...</td></tr>
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My mom then arrived and started washing some dishes and the photographer who did our preggie shoot was in town so she popped in as well. We set up the birth pool and did some last minute prep for the home birth and sat down to chat. A little later another friend Kate joined us. After some more chatting they went off to get some lunch, and then we went for another walk. By this time things had completely slowed down and I was feeling a little 'moedeloos' (Afrikaans for discouraged - but the translation doesn't do it justice).<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I had started having my strongest and most regular contractions yet</blockquote>
My mom-in-law also popped in with some snacks and a little later everyone went home saying we must just phone if they need to come back. Kate and her husband brought us a feast for dinner, which I was really grateful for as I was quite bushed and, lo and behold, I had started having my strongest and most regular contractions yet. Again, they were about 30s long, about 4min apart for about 3 hours altogether and with each one I was on the floor on my knees with my head on my arms on the couch to focus so I could breathe through the pain. "This is really it!" I thought. Wrong again! I had a warm bath, things slowed down and I had another great night's sleep.<br />
<br />
One thing that was quite funny that night was that the toddler was curious as to why I was burying my head in my arms every few minutes - so I told her that I just needed to close my eyes and invited her to come and join me, so for a couple of contractions she was next to me, head on her arms 'closing her eyes' with mom. Then she saw hubby stroking my back and started stroking and tickling my back too. At one stage when I was breathing through a contraction, she told me to 'wake up' so she could put her head on her arms and 'close her eyes' and told me to tickle her back!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj9kziuWYDO4njXw-ua3d5ALQPy9xyNFVk9BvaEFx3IXatG0_UEIxQpdzSZlriY_pVXD3CFbRJb1TBu66vGbKDS4NeMQ8ZXhQDuXQ2sGZAoPqHegrG_ddoNz3R4-kO7dh9IG1tww27WOY/s1600/prodromal+labour+my+experience.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj9kziuWYDO4njXw-ua3d5ALQPy9xyNFVk9BvaEFx3IXatG0_UEIxQpdzSZlriY_pVXD3CFbRJb1TBu66vGbKDS4NeMQ8ZXhQDuXQ2sGZAoPqHegrG_ddoNz3R4-kO7dh9IG1tww27WOY/s320/prodromal+labour+my+experience.png?imgmax=735" width="213" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Checking dilation in early labour can only tell you how far dilated you are...</blockquote>
I hadn't yet had a 'show' - which is when the mucous plug at the cervix comes out - often an early sign of labour as it shows that the cervix is effacing (thinning). I had also chosen not to have an internal exam to check dilation, unless absolutely necessary. Checking dilation in early labour can only tell you how far dilated you are - it doesn't actually give an accurate idea of how much longer things are going to take, or how long it took you to get there. Some women can be stuck at 2 or 3cm dilated for days without realizing it. So it can be encouraging to find out that you are further dilated than you thought, but it can also be discouraging to find out the opposite - and knowing me that would stress me out and hinder the process even more.<br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Tuesday</h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I think, "OK, today is the day!" Wrong again.</blockquote>
Tuesday morning rolls along. I go to the toilet in the morning, and I have a 'show'! (Apologies if this is TMI for the casual reader - you want real life, you got it!) I text the midwife to let her know and I think, "OK, today is the day!" Wrong again. I walked to our usual Tuesday morning mom's group close by, contemplated having a go on the trampoline but thought better of it. I had reasonably strong menstrual pain for most of the day, like I would for the first or second day of menstruation, but that was about it! (It was a weird sensation, having not menstruated in what felt like forever!)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I am choosing to trust my body and embrace the process!</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh66MmetvlL_FHCTjyqkCv1qtFUbVFFyi4IYGhDmDg14ARQCeIOzmVNJZwchpERLpk05_UAIvV_VUkzFixPPC5MeueK5Rg2rSYlMSY082CkgYmtsYMOa1D73gipNIFI31UPBmqv0a4J5TU/s1600/Embrace+the+Process.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1126" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh66MmetvlL_FHCTjyqkCv1qtFUbVFFyi4IYGhDmDg14ARQCeIOzmVNJZwchpERLpk05_UAIvV_VUkzFixPPC5MeueK5Rg2rSYlMSY082CkgYmtsYMOa1D73gipNIFI31UPBmqv0a4J5TU/s320/Embrace+the+Process.jpg?imgmax=1600" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
Despite all the weirdness, I was feeling great - I was not as discouraged as I had been on Monday. We women so often assume that our bodies are somehow defective when something about us doesn't fit in with the 'average', but with birth the range of normal is very wide, and Maybe I'm doing too much and I just need to rest, maybe baby isn't in quite the right position yet and all these contractions are squeezing her into the right spot, maybe I just need a little longer to dilate this time, and maybe it's none of the above. Baby is still moving well and I'm feeling fine.<br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Wednesday</h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I woke up feeling stiff and irritable.</blockquote>
I woke up feeling stiff and irritable, despite having rested the whole day Tuesday. Alternative arrangements had been made for my ballet classes so I went from pretty-active mode, to couch-potato mode. Frustration! I decided get some last minute supplies at the mall. Even with extra walking there was no change - nothing - it was the quietest day since Wednesday last week. Arg!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The fact that it was a full lunar eclipse that night too didn't seem to impress little one at all - it would have been so poetic!</blockquote>
I was hoping that something might happen on Wednesday night considering that it was a full moon and there are many old wives' tales / urban legends and one or two studies that show that more babies are born during the last quarter of the moon than at any other time of the lunar month, but no such luck. The fact that it was a full lunar eclipse that night too didn't seem to impress little one at all - it would have been so poetic! This was my Facebook status for that day:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPrIY-ZuLF9KvkFW28yp7NIVO7v_lTQGkieM4RaFiaH62i1neenIx0-VhSHsYbPLZpu11-n2WLKaoUuvl_5P7AoGe6Ybz6r_pMB9bkOSgTq7gV9tWwG01Ew4MoRNkY0PPBZHko1NguAE/s1600/I+am+not+afriad%252CI+was+born+to+do+this..png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNPrIY-ZuLF9KvkFW28yp7NIVO7v_lTQGkieM4RaFiaH62i1neenIx0-VhSHsYbPLZpu11-n2WLKaoUuvl_5P7AoGe6Ybz6r_pMB9bkOSgTq7gV9tWwG01Ew4MoRNkY0PPBZHko1NguAE/s320/I+am+not+afriad%252CI+was+born+to+do+this..png?imgmax=735" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfH8bVxYRXnQpTtsVQNMAUKD_jAY4nKg5rUa1khbhgdpIkYZ84nJrGZszfvq49AGnJdRWWQAC_bO_vFO22QaIVGMARZLWkrfQpTlO1V4Re-rEUdMFa47PSFgCi972HxTYQWJzTUmX9SHk/s1600/Attending+births+is+like+growing+roses.+You+have+to+marvel+at+the+ones+that+just+open+up+and+bloom+at+the+first+kiss+of+the+sun...+but+you+wouldn%2527t+dream+of+pulling+open+the+petals+of+the+tightly+closed+buds+and+for.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the first kiss of the sun... but you wouldn't dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line. - Gloria Lemay" border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfH8bVxYRXnQpTtsVQNMAUKD_jAY4nKg5rUa1khbhgdpIkYZ84nJrGZszfvq49AGnJdRWWQAC_bO_vFO22QaIVGMARZLWkrfQpTlO1V4Re-rEUdMFa47PSFgCi972HxTYQWJzTUmX9SHk/s320/Attending+births+is+like+growing+roses.+You+have+to+marvel+at+the+ones+that+just+open+up+and+bloom+at+the+first+kiss+of+the+sun...+but+you+wouldn%2527t+dream+of+pulling+open+the+petals+of+the+tightly+closed+buds+and+for.png?imgmax=735" title=" Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the first kiss of the sun... but you wouldn't dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line. - Gloria Lemay" width="213" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN86hQXhvDbGDtluvqTfUnfsFuAMsUkmAx8gfTy0F4LEUB8KJm6ONhppiEzJCvr0l7QQZB7U1rGSKzpdhBQGl55PFEGtATleHu-tFq2H7AX6czLew75KhVPE6yJSyo1UZZVxuD5NNLb0M/s1600/Simple+Beach+Summer+Quote+Instagram+Post.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the first kiss of the sun... but you wouldn't dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line. - Gloria Lemay" border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN86hQXhvDbGDtluvqTfUnfsFuAMsUkmAx8gfTy0F4LEUB8KJm6ONhppiEzJCvr0l7QQZB7U1rGSKzpdhBQGl55PFEGtATleHu-tFq2H7AX6czLew75KhVPE6yJSyo1UZZVxuD5NNLb0M/s320/Simple+Beach+Summer+Quote+Instagram+Post.png?imgmax=1080" title=" Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the first kiss of the sun... but you wouldn't dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line. - Gloria Lemay" width="320" /></a></div>
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<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Thursday</h3>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Thursday was also quiet...</blockquote>
We had a laugh on Thursday morning when a friend of ours (an out-of-towner to give him credit) phoned to congratulate us, thinking the baby must be born by now! Thursday was also quiet, so I spent much of the day pondering the whole idea of a 'ripening' process. Later that night I was in the bath and discovered that I could barely move; even turning on to my side was painful. Something in my pelvic / sacral area was out of whack - it felt like it was in pieces that simply refused to work together!<br />
<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Friday</h3>
And so the sun rose on another Friday morning - a full week after I first mentioned that I was starting to feel twingey. I must admit, I was feeling a little emotionally overwhelmed, not about all the false starts but about things in general, like my back. I took the emotional-ness as a good sign that my hormones were kicking into high gear, or so I hoped! My back was even more uncomfortable than before and it was really upsetting me.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I also got a great back massage for the first time in months...</blockquote>
Because I've danced all my life, my physical mobility is really important to me so limping about because my pelvis didn't want to hold me up was very distressing. Fortunately I managed to get an appointment with the chiropractor - what bliss! Apparently my pelvis was slightly twisted as my pubic symphysis was out and she got that fix in 5 minutes flat. I also got a great back massage for the first time in months because I could actually lie on my stomach on that fancy table of hers! Joy!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I am feeling strong... I promise I'm not putting it on just to get the attention!</blockquote>
Besides the fact that we keep expecting this baby to pop out, our one car won't start, I have developed a cavity and the toddler has had a reasonably high fever for the last two days - we are doing well! I am feeling strong and really empowered actually. I've said elsewhere:<br />
<br />
<i>If at any stage it seems as though I am in pain, please do not pity me. I am not suffering. I am doing what I was born to do.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9h-r5S00xVPaFjlckE84ro6wVdOODiO-Srkbgc7wJuPAieDsR_GsQGU3CNpXJMM-It4MCCrDRtfBwBJwv-cb-g16TCaeKjWx83p8sxph3hNOsoQxanzguXrgRgcWsCVQ14-hI80znrUs/s1600/I+am+not+afraid%252CI+was+born+to+do+this..png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9h-r5S00xVPaFjlckE84ro6wVdOODiO-Srkbgc7wJuPAieDsR_GsQGU3CNpXJMM-It4MCCrDRtfBwBJwv-cb-g16TCaeKjWx83p8sxph3hNOsoQxanzguXrgRgcWsCVQ14-hI80znrUs/s320/I+am+not+afraid%252CI+was+born+to+do+this..png?imgmax=940" width="320" /></a></div>
And I would add to that: I promise I'm not putting it on just to get the attention!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...what I am experiencing is generally referred to as prodromal labour...</blockquote>
If you want a name for it, what I am experiencing is generally referred to as prodromal labour (also known as pre-labour, or false labour). The thing about it is that it can be very difficult to distinguish from the real thing. You can generally find an exception to anything anyone says about prodromal labour. When people say real contractions should get stronger and more regular but prodromal contractions don't - you'll find someone whose experience contradicts that. So really, prodromal labour is generally only recognized in retrospect! <br />
<br />
<i>I've got a more technical post about the various forms of prodromal labour and how to cope with it in the pipeline, so please do subscribe to the Blog or like the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/durbandoula/" target="_blank">Durban Doula Facebook Page</a> to keep updated when I post it!</i><br />
<br />
So that's the long story about I'm learning to embrace the process and trust my body! Looking forward to sharing again next week!<br />
<br />
UPDATE: So it seems all that prodromal labour was leading up to something! Here is the story of our <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2018/05/eloises-birth-story-my-second-childs.html" target="_blank">Quick, Almost Unassisted, Home Water Birth</a><br />
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<div style="display: none;">
<b>UPDATE:</b><br />
Well, it turns out this was the last week of our pregnancy diary! It seems all that prodromal labour was heading somewhere and our little girl was born the Saturday night. You can check out the story of our amazing beautiful ecstatic home water birth here.</div>
Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-58371559358611183242018-05-18T22:07:00.003-07:002018-05-18T22:32:41.438-07:00Eloise's Birth Story - My Second Child's Home Water Birth<h4>
The Durban Doula's very own birth story!<br />The almost unassisted home water-birth of our second daughter.</h4>
(Lots of pics at the end!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5o0PBF4K11-H2tlvBCRcJXqORFvXjP34diYZTtZaJIRx-aSznizynJA359NNy_0VtNfE_hyphenhyphen9NVMDoCmCswTTofLbPTaN2WYDrKfoeOW8u-TwEH0FLFS6VjSgn4v03CU6-MXiUCR9FLWk/s1600/Our+second+babyBorn+at+home%252C+in+water%252C+almost+unassisted+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A quick home water birth after a week of prodromal labour - mom meets her baby" border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5o0PBF4K11-H2tlvBCRcJXqORFvXjP34diYZTtZaJIRx-aSznizynJA359NNy_0VtNfE_hyphenhyphen9NVMDoCmCswTTofLbPTaN2WYDrKfoeOW8u-TwEH0FLFS6VjSgn4v03CU6-MXiUCR9FLWk/s320/Our+second+babyBorn+at+home%252C+in+water%252C+almost+unassisted+%25281%2529.png?imgmax=940" title="A quick home water birth after a week of prodromal labour - mom meets her baby" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
After <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.co.za/p/baby-2-pregnancy-diary-week-38.html" target="_blank">a week of erratic prodromal labour</a>, I woke up just after midnight on a Friday evening. This was nothing unusual. For the last month or so I had been waking sometime in the middle of the night, wide awake that is, only to fall sleep about 2 hours later.<br />
<br />
The contractions were also not unusual; I had been having prodromal labour consisting of rather painful, somewhat regular contractions <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.co.za/p/baby-2-pregnancy-diary-week-38.html" target="_blank">on and off for a week</a>. This time the contractions carried on for another 12 hours which was admittedly a bit unusual, but after the week I'd had, I wasn't getting my hopes up! So I tried sleeping between surges, and managed to get a couple more hours in.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We took a leisurely stroll...</blockquote>
We took a leisurely stroll to the Farmer's Market nearby at about 8am, and oddly the contractions actually calmed down quite substantially while I was walking. Side note: The fact that I could get them to go away by moving apparently indicates 'false' labour. Whatever!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I was over it!</blockquote>
I didn't keep track, because I had been timing contractions all week and I was over it! But they were pretty irregular, some 3 minutes apart, some 15 minutes apart - no pattern I could discern.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
'Another false alarm,' I thought.</blockquote>
We got back and Hans looked after the toddler while I tried to nap between contractions, thinking they would go away like they had been doing the whole week. They did. At about lunchtime they stopped. 'Another false alarm,' I thought.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I didn't want to try and get things moving before my body was ready...</blockquote>
The previous week I experienced various odd sensations, from mild backache to serious contractions. I rested as much as I could rather than trying to get things moving before my body was ready as that might only exhaust me, without having made any ‘progress’.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...at 6:45pm I had 2 very strong contractions quite close together...</blockquote>
Warm baths had helped me to relax so at about 6:30pm that evening I went to bathe and at 6:45pm, after about 6 hours of no contractions at all - nil, niks, nada - I had 2 very strong contractions in the bath, quite close together, probably the strongest I'd had. The next one followed just as I got out and I could feel my legs trembling. In my previous labour, that had been a sign that I was already in transition.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
My mom wanted a time estimate; I think I said, 'Soon!'</blockquote>
I yelled for Hans, things were finally happening, and happening fast. We phoned Arlen our midwife first, and then my folks, who had just arrived at a formal dinner 45 minutes away. My mom wanted a time estimate; I think I said, 'Soon!' We called Hans's folks to come and help with the toddler just as they were finishing their dinner at a restaurant - impeccable timing this baby has! We also texted those who wanted to know, and those whom I had invited to join us for the occasion.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Most of everything had already been set up since Monday...</blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRrJjcNgBfC0iko5pDj_Vp10a4p4rebwWqu1M9qGLVcE__y1gZ3pQYi4UKHBHUpxR1hlZnGn2ogjtYsOa5FArr3h38aWTjLxJyH8ZwlEwIj-DDQWQLMQdTrBv4xt2BUjZZaJoJyU9nWuE/s1600/Classics+for+Meditation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Classics for meditation - music for labouring to " border="0" data-original-height="490" data-original-width="500" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRrJjcNgBfC0iko5pDj_Vp10a4p4rebwWqu1M9qGLVcE__y1gZ3pQYi4UKHBHUpxR1hlZnGn2ogjtYsOa5FArr3h38aWTjLxJyH8ZwlEwIj-DDQWQLMQdTrBv4xt2BUjZZaJoJyU9nWuE/s200/Classics+for+Meditation.jpg?imgmax=500" title="Classics for meditation - music for labouring to " width="200" /></a></div>
With all systems go, Hans did some last minute prep clearing my sewing gear out the lounge with cranky toddler in tow while I went upstairs and put on 'Classical Music for Meditation' CD while I breathed and huffed and snorted through contractions. Most of everything had been set up since Monday, so it was only some last minute clearing to do.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
That time alone to gather my wits and breathe and focus was precious.</blockquote>
I was most comfortable on my hands and knees, or bent forward with my hands on the bed and my knees slightly bent - as comfortable as you can get in transition that is. That time alone to gather my wits and breathe and focus was precious. Between contractions I sat cross legged on the bed and relaxed as best I could but as I felt each new wave coming, there was absolutely no way I could stay still! I tried, and felt I was going to crawl out of my skin!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...instead of fighting each contraction and tensing against it, I surrendered to it...</blockquote>
On my hands and knees, rocking forwards and backwards, and side to side, I felt power surging through my body with each contraction and instead of fighting it and tensing against it, I surrendered to it, understanding that this was all working to get my baby out. At the end of each one, I experienced a warm glow through my entire body – like that feeling when you stand under a hot shower or lower yourself into a warm bath – an afterglow of sorts.<br />
<br />
While I was upstairs, the midwife, hubby's folks and two of my friends who had been constant companions throughout all our ups and downs that week arrived. I don't remember the order!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...thank the Lord for laminate flooring!</blockquote>
Arlen the midwife checked my blood pressure and baby's heartbeat between surges which were coming thick and fast by that stage. Hubby's mom took over with the toddler who promptly threw up on the floor in our bedroom. I'm not sure if it was all the excitement or overdosing on milkshake earlier that day, or a combination of the two, but thank the Lord for laminate flooring! We had all the supplies for mopping up on hand in any case, so no stress there. What it did mean though, was that the in-laws waited downstairs for a while, loathe to put the potential vomiter in their car, and so they fortunately ended up sticking around until the baby was born. But I'm getting ahead of things now.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I do think the kettle was enlisted at some stage...</blockquote>
We hadn't checked for pipe-tap compatibility concerning the birth pool, but hubby made a plan and our two friends, Janine and Kate, worked on getting the pool filled. To be honest, I didn't think we were going to make it, and I don't think the midwife did either! Even though our hot water pressure is dismal, the geyser is set quite hot so it doesn't take much to warm things up. I do think the kettle was enlisted at some stage, but I wasn't noticing much of that.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I swear the smell of his hair was better than any drug!</blockquote>
Once the pool was well on its way to being filled, Hans joined me and things turned a corner. I could let go, and I swear the smell of his hair was better than any drug! One or two contractions later I felt the fronts of my thighs burning and aching - somehow in that moment I remembered reading that this was a sign of full dilation. Transition had been much longer with my first, and to be honest, when I first started getting those intense contractions in the bath, I was fully expecting a few more hours! Relief!<br />
<br />
People often think that pushing is the most intense stage, but for me transition was the hardest with the pushing stage like a downhill run by comparison. I found pushing much more satisfying than transition as it finally felt like I was getting somewhere!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I could feel the baby's head...</blockquote>
I was most comfortable in a wide kneeling position on a little mattress we had next to the bed, leaning forward on Hans sitting on the bed. My waters broke, and I felt baby moving down. What an incredible feeling! I did an internal check myself (the only internal check for this birth) and I could feel her head! I loved being the first person to touch my baby. As contractions happened, I worked with them and waited and rested quietly between.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXtpox5SpFPp7a7EHmRS9-OrTf0lkKjO41ndhhkSJum84N1sZnLxdhnIeDj8rsPaYIQmH8iGfKZDdt4KFFHKpm1PvaIcYsjwmJKKQMjijyIVnMZNuUV9i7j8AtBRBhDtfwdUeWr2W6jII/s1600/Far+away+in+labour+land.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Mom in the birth pool - dad supporting her - far away in labour land" border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXtpox5SpFPp7a7EHmRS9-OrTf0lkKjO41ndhhkSJum84N1sZnLxdhnIeDj8rsPaYIQmH8iGfKZDdt4KFFHKpm1PvaIcYsjwmJKKQMjijyIVnMZNuUV9i7j8AtBRBhDtfwdUeWr2W6jII/s320/Far+away+in+labour+land.png?imgmax=940" title="Mom in the birth pool - dad supporting her - far away in labour land" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Far away in labour land in the birth pool!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The midwife knew I wanted to catch the baby myself, and so right then she mentioned to me that I might struggle in the position I was in, and that the pool was ready. I was already in 'the zone' and not keen to do anything other than stay put, but fortunately I listened!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
So I got into the water...</blockquote>
So I got into the water and it was heavenly. I wasn't resting on my sacrum, but rather supporting myself on my knees or in a squat as I felt comfortable. Soon after I got into the water the midwife checked the heartbeat and all seemed fine.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...I grunted, groaned and growled that baby out!</blockquote>
I thought I made a lot of strange noises, although my in-laws said they barely heard a thing from downstairs! Some women breathe their babies out, and I was kind of hoping I might do the same, but when it came to it I grunted, groaned and growled that baby out! Making a noise helped keep my jaw soft while working with the contractions. Soft up top means soft at the bottom! Again I checked for baby's head, and it was right there, just out of sight.<br />
<br />
My folks arrived while I was in the water and my mom rushed upstairs. With a fuel stop along the way, they had apparently engaged in some low flying to get there. Even then, they made it only about 5 or 10 minutes before she was born!<br />
<br />
With each surge, Hans supported me in the water. I could hear encouraging murmurs from around me, but it was his voice that pierced through everything and his words that wrapped around me and kept me going. I was truly an intimate experience for us. I wouldn't change that for anything!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...like pulling a door with one hand and pushing with the other...</blockquote>
I realized I had been working <b>too</b> hard with the contractions, like pulling a door with one hand and pushing with the other. I consciously ‘let go’ and felt her head start crowning on the next contraction! One more contraction after that and her head was out.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
'Is there anything I'm supposed to do now?'</blockquote>
'Is there anything I'm supposed to do now?' I asked. "No, just wait." So we waited patiently for the next surge. We were still in the water all this time, which is safe as the baby hadn't yet started to breathe, with her body being so compressed in the birth canal, and wouldn't try to take a breath until she felt the cold, which she would only feel when I took her out the water.<br />
<br />
Also, the baby would only try to breathe if she was in distress, which we knew she wasn't. Tickling her head and waiting for the surge that would push the rest of her body out was another moment I will never forget!<br />
<br />
Her body rotated and emerged with relative ease and I lifted her up out of the water myself at 8:24pm, just under 2 hours after those first contractions in the bath. What a flood of emotions and sensations! The pictures say it all...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOOY0cfWDAJg_Kj1d7Fw7A8lkdLxZ0tadJI4NNKuDbDc0FpRL5toHcjRRNEUp2QTe0SrJg8lIQAj4kz_D1WXnT0jlzJpoR8bZ6ifVTKmi8TUkz-iN8vip_kuK98F9WYqnclPgRM4RFMnA/s1600/Durban+Doula+Home+Water+Birth.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Water Birth - Out of the water into mom's arms - Baby's first hug" border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="750" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOOY0cfWDAJg_Kj1d7Fw7A8lkdLxZ0tadJI4NNKuDbDc0FpRL5toHcjRRNEUp2QTe0SrJg8lIQAj4kz_D1WXnT0jlzJpoR8bZ6ifVTKmi8TUkz-iN8vip_kuK98F9WYqnclPgRM4RFMnA/s400/Durban+Doula+Home+Water+Birth.png?imgmax=900" title="Water Birth - Out of the water into mom's arms - Baby's first hug" width="332" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Straight into mom's arms...</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMk__1FNb-TKMEUHjoZJXUV3yFEV1iDQD6WDXMqN0hvsywPVXs1Jwyt3Nn9LRpfWklHcEsHNTh9hhz7TW3BzSNYvmrf3-7Ki4pcRbZHPR3kxYrsbHD_2z2BHavU3g6651_vOp3s9xve0M/s1600/She%2527s+here%2521.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Newborn baby - first cry" border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMk__1FNb-TKMEUHjoZJXUV3yFEV1iDQD6WDXMqN0hvsywPVXs1Jwyt3Nn9LRpfWklHcEsHNTh9hhz7TW3BzSNYvmrf3-7Ki4pcRbZHPR3kxYrsbHD_2z2BHavU3g6651_vOp3s9xve0M/s400/She%2527s+here%2521.png?imgmax=735" title="Newborn baby - first cry" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That first sqauwk!</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKS4wQNmk5jeGOhueZa4Bw7_3VyYS5IPgOR0zYvHUN7zKxVFajXrEpWI10hZuxlufIpTjuiBf8nASIyoQHpqUXmqZCf_z7hCKDaqOhH6JzNmi1kQaEKhQHR6YFjUVBiCDb9htwLZcAYto/s1600/Durban+Doula+Home+Birth+She%2527s+Here.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Mom and newly born baby in the birth pool - We did it!" border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKS4wQNmk5jeGOhueZa4Bw7_3VyYS5IPgOR0zYvHUN7zKxVFajXrEpWI10hZuxlufIpTjuiBf8nASIyoQHpqUXmqZCf_z7hCKDaqOhH6JzNmi1kQaEKhQHR6YFjUVBiCDb9htwLZcAYto/s400/Durban+Doula+Home+Birth+She%2527s+Here.png?imgmax=735" title="Mom and newly born baby in the birth pool - We did it!" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We did it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The midwife dabbed her face with a cloth and she let out a squawk but was otherwise very calm. She was covered in vernix, millimeters thick in some places, probably because she was 2 weeks early. I held her close and kept her body under the water to stay warm and we rested like that for a while. I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I do remember confirming that she was a girl, and we announced her name - Eloise: Famous Warrior!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM10hMkgP1M_Ro4hgq2pICDZvPa6_7x-eOE7u_2AzrO1p09yUSRSnjqLg8EmF919P-52Oxw4sZGNCmiMEIS2taujQBtt9VA6Z13Xyj8xmUySnR1NZlaT1neExxroc43yPmC6z343K6VfU/s1600/Eloise+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Her name is Eloise - Famous Warrior" border="0" data-original-height="645" data-original-width="849" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM10hMkgP1M_Ro4hgq2pICDZvPa6_7x-eOE7u_2AzrO1p09yUSRSnjqLg8EmF919P-52Oxw4sZGNCmiMEIS2taujQBtt9VA6Z13Xyj8xmUySnR1NZlaT1neExxroc43yPmC6z343K6VfU/s320/Eloise+%25281%2529.jpg?imgmax=849" title="Her name is Eloise - Famous Warrior" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
The toddler Amelia came up to say hello and her first remark was, 'Lotsa tweam!' (Lots of cream!) She was utterly fascinated! In retrospect I would have liked her there a little earlier so she could see the baby coming out, but I just didn't think of it. She had watched birth videos with me before and was completely enthralled! Maybe next time...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUa7RY8XJFlhcznAMtYOuFn8_WE4c9iSO4llumWHjkaXlxfjspgTBikuYSBWNzEg21QWYocBYUfPCmpE_6Z7LP6RTj7535K6o_CAOcYlNX03h0Z_cbUNvaqcS7DCOo4quIswYj8xtldWI/s1600/Durban+Doula+Home+Birth+Sibling.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Siblings - the toddler meets her baby sister for the first time" border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUa7RY8XJFlhcznAMtYOuFn8_WE4c9iSO4llumWHjkaXlxfjspgTBikuYSBWNzEg21QWYocBYUfPCmpE_6Z7LP6RTj7535K6o_CAOcYlNX03h0Z_cbUNvaqcS7DCOo4quIswYj8xtldWI/s400/Durban+Doula+Home+Birth+Sibling.png?imgmax=940" title="Siblings - the toddler meets her baby sister for the first time" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lotsa tweam!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
After some quick hello's, we were left alone with our little one, resting in the pool. When she looked ready to feed I let her do her thing and she latched like a pro first time! We had been in the water about half an hour, enough time for the cord to stop pulsing, when Hans cut the cord and I got out as I was starting to feel uncomfortable.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFfEcRCGyopto7BNhV-it8SO5dmXRqW7SqnbpQaXixi6HMXInncoRhiCP85T-Sqt4Wmr4LlN4UmPucYnMgdY_v1CHlMhV_gu951Z5j0uE4WLdakD-k5yDNJNz9G8b8ky7JomZ0tKUOndc/s1600/sling+weight+3kilograms.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Newborn baby being weighed in the sling" border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFfEcRCGyopto7BNhV-it8SO5dmXRqW7SqnbpQaXixi6HMXInncoRhiCP85T-Sqt4Wmr4LlN4UmPucYnMgdY_v1CHlMhV_gu951Z5j0uE4WLdakD-k5yDNJNz9G8b8ky7JomZ0tKUOndc/s320/sling+weight+3kilograms.png?imgmax=750" title="Newborn baby being weighed in the sling" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A comfy sling scale... <br />
much nicer than cold metal or plastic!<br />
See how beautifully pink she is!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We delivered the placenta, and later the midwife weighed and measured her and checked her hips and her reflexes. I dressed myself and our newest little human, Eloise, and we drank tea downstairs with the grandparents in the wee hours of the morning. There is nothing quite like that first cup of tea after baby is born!<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
...all so intensely sacred but so terrifically normal!</blockquote>
So that was that! No internal checks other than my own, no needles for me or for baby, no suctioning, no chemicals, no plastic box and no loud noises other than squeals of delight! - all so intensely sacred but so terrifically normal!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChEW0fsfcsXMDq1ObSB-nxmCN6aYsm_tU7tBRMneYNS1v7d5vxOsbR07-5nWlyIwhEeOPcHuJfjk8SByngWM7l34Duyfmu_1C9jc2ZeB2T4KgDSCxgzSdUHLpO0c4Lhv9-vnXSgfzUVs/s1600/Family+ofFOUR.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Home birth - Family of Four" border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChEW0fsfcsXMDq1ObSB-nxmCN6aYsm_tU7tBRMneYNS1v7d5vxOsbR07-5nWlyIwhEeOPcHuJfjk8SByngWM7l34Duyfmu_1C9jc2ZeB2T4KgDSCxgzSdUHLpO0c4Lhv9-vnXSgfzUVs/s400/Family+ofFOUR.png?imgmax=940" title="Home birth - Family of Four" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
In retrospect, recovery has been so much easier this time! I had a drug-free birth with my first, and I know that the second one is usually easier, but this was way better! Another big difference is that my first labour was 12 hours start to finish – not this on-again-off-again for a whole week business! But, of course, I’d do it again in a heartbeat!<br />
<br />
So, in summary, our home water-birth included a week of prodromal labour, or pre-labour, or early labour - whatever you want to call it - then a solid 12 hours of totally irregular contractions - then nothing for 6 hours - then straight into transition and baby born less than 2 hours later!<br />
<br />
I think if I hadn't been with a midwife I would have had induction recommended at least three times that week, and would probably have ended up with a c-section because my body wasn't ready yet. I would have been diagnosed with 'failure to progress' when the problem was simply a case of 'failure to wait'.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, we waited, and the experience far surpassed my expectations! I tell people I had an unassisted birth with the midwife in the room because that's how it felt. Honestly it was one of the highlights of my life and that experience played a huge part in my wanting to be a doula.<br />
<br />
For the record, Eloise is now already almost 7 years old, but I felt this incredible story deserved sharing! She is a delight to everyone she meets and she loves it when I tell her the story of how she was born.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCgGd2wqXdWv1HIt3N3L2RD9-C1nTPaaoo0CzOzJHem6VsmlnbNIKG7AhV1blbnyZN0W_CjmHG-Udo636e6CQn9zyCnVYgL8Vg0cWxkZs5VadKhxZteSoQRJW6aRY63t3dTOWdx60Lc8/s1600/Durban+Doulas+Birth+Story+Second+Baby+Almost+Unassisted+Home+Water+Birth.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCgGd2wqXdWv1HIt3N3L2RD9-C1nTPaaoo0CzOzJHem6VsmlnbNIKG7AhV1blbnyZN0W_CjmHG-Udo636e6CQn9zyCnVYgL8Vg0cWxkZs5VadKhxZteSoQRJW6aRY63t3dTOWdx60Lc8/s320/Durban+Doulas+Birth+Story+Second+Baby+Almost+Unassisted+Home+Water+Birth.png?imgmax=735" width="213" /></a></div>
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Find more birth stories <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/p/birth-stories-an.html" target="_blank">here</a>.Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-23982445007335329582018-03-17T03:17:00.000-07:002018-03-17T10:22:24.539-07:00Top Doula Tip: Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyvz0d112502rRM3NDsX9Fp0BcfqkxwDRewOq_rR49ErEUoNvKdbaRdFpegFToCa_JXjJ6HZZHf-ZvNPhypYJa2Ni4oMkaBXHxd3V8I7LGfcVwQSQkiJCfhZar9rym06PZ5kWN1MQFLRw/s1600/Take+Note%2521.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="1024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyvz0d112502rRM3NDsX9Fp0BcfqkxwDRewOq_rR49ErEUoNvKdbaRdFpegFToCa_JXjJ6HZZHf-ZvNPhypYJa2Ni4oMkaBXHxd3V8I7LGfcVwQSQkiJCfhZar9rym06PZ5kWN1MQFLRw/s400/Take+Note%2521.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
The longer I work as a doula the more I realise my work is not about solving specific problems with predefined solutions, as if every stalled labour requires the same position changes, and every massage oil requires the same mix.<br />
It's more about defining the philosophies and motivations that underpin my work as a doula, and learning how to apply those in each situation.<br />
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Doula training can be quite overwhelming in that you learn a large variety of tools and techniques but in truth no one can really teach you precisely how and when to use each one - that is where experience comes in.<br />
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Imagine these tools and techniques are like the notes of the musical scale. They are of no use to you unless you know when to use them, for how long and at what intensity, and which to use together, and most importantly, when not to use them. Silence is the other half of music.<br />
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But what is more important than know all the right tricks for all the right moments, is your demeanour, how you carry yourself. Let me explain further.<br />
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The root word from which we get the word <i>doula</i> means 'servant' - as a doula, my power is in my service. I am at a birth to serve the mother and her family and no one else.<br />
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I was thinking about this one day and remembered this clip from the musical 'The King and I'.<br />
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"You shall observe care that head should never be higher than mine. When I kneel you shall kneel, when I sit you shall set, etcetera, etcetera etcetera!"</blockquote>
Problematic aspects of the movie aside, I got a picture in my head of the birthing mother as the 'King' (or rather the Queen!) and myself as Anna, and as a servant of the Queen, I resolved to not allow my head to be higher than hers.<br />
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This has physical and psychological implications. Obviously it's not always physically possible; sometimes my head is by necessity higher than hers as I'm helping her, usually when I'm beind her applying counter pressure or doing some belly-sifting. But what I try to avoid is that sense of 'looming' over a birthing mother which so often happens when she is on a bed in even in a birth pool.<br />
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Our human brains tend to associate vertical height with power and authority. We tend to see taller people as stronger and as inherently carrying more authority. In public forums, the most important person is often isolated on some sort of raised platform so that they are the tallest person in the immediate vicinity. To 'look up to' someone is to admire and respect them; climbing the hierarchy is an 'upward' movement. We 'lift up' the downtrodden. Up is somehow stronger than down.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk5-IURc0Zdgg2cAC2G9PrSToGxP3GJT2f0mi-PiyUT_Oc5LHq2bCrtiBK1wtip9pmfY5REF7UhE6IXiFE6sv5BHizjzsHoOWi39FmqUwEsu-7Og1zSoa4XPpfHSzJijYSYP1ADV8yn2E/s1600/The+King+and+I+-+When+I+kneel+you+shall+kneel.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="157" data-original-width="400" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk5-IURc0Zdgg2cAC2G9PrSToGxP3GJT2f0mi-PiyUT_Oc5LHq2bCrtiBK1wtip9pmfY5REF7UhE6IXiFE6sv5BHizjzsHoOWi39FmqUwEsu-7Og1zSoa4XPpfHSzJijYSYP1ADV8yn2E/s320/The+King+and+I+-+When+I+kneel+you+shall+kneel.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Let's take this to the birthing room - it's hard to feel powerful when you are on your back, and possibly exposed, surrounded by fully clothed persons, sometimes wearing face masks, looming over you and telling you what they are going to do to your body. This is not an easily defensible position and I wouldn't be surprised if our human brains read this as a dangerous situation and start releasing adrenalin accordingly.<br />
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It seems to set up a combative atmostphere, rather than a communal one - telling the mother that we are here to do this <b>to </b>you rather than <b>with</b> you, or <b>for</b> you. To comfort someone, or empathise with them, or listen to them, or even get their attention, we sit, stoop or squat down beside them. This is how we serve.<br />
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Psychologically, keeping my head lower than hers reminds me that 'the Queen' is the highest authority here. She is the mother of the child, and it is from her body that the child emerges. It would do birth attendants well to see themselves as 'advisors' to the Queen, rather than the highest authority themselves. Like any Queen she employs advisors to supply information so that <b>she</b> can make an informed decision. No one is more invested in the health of her baby and herself than she is - her word is paramount.<br />
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So that's it, my top doula tip - or should that be my bottom doula tip? Generally equivalent doula tip? Whatever - I'm sure you get the idea.<br />
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<i>If you are a doula, have you thought of this before?</i></div>
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<i>If not, do you think it's something you'll use?</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>If you've given birth, how did you experience the demeanour of your birth attendants?</i></div>
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<i>Tell us below, then share and follow us on all the socials!</i></div>
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<i>Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!</i></div>
Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-53809165216090314802017-03-06T04:02:00.001-08:002017-03-06T04:09:47.184-08:00Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone... Birth Bliss and Funeral Blues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Coming home from a birth I am often struck by the contrast between that sacred moment where a baby takes its first breath and is welcomed into its mother's arms, and the indifferent bustle that continues outside. I feel almost indignant. How could they miss that shift the moment this little soul joined the ranks of the born? How could they not feel the moment this mother's heart expanded again even as her womb emptied itself?<br />
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In my sunrise musings, I realised we feel this way when a loved one dies too. How does the world just carry on as if there isn't an empty space where her laughter used to be? Don't they see his impression on the bed they shared for so many years?<br />
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Every birth, every death pierces someone deeply, leaves its mark, its scar; but somehow neither seems to pass as weightily as it should. I think the poet W. H. Auden felt that when he wrote 'Funeral Blues':<br />
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<i>Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,</i><br />
<i>Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,</i><br />
<i>Silence the pianos and with muffled drum</i><br />
<i>Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.</i><br />
<i>Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead</i><br />
<i>Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,</i><br />
<i>Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,</i><br />
<i>Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.</i><br />
<i>He was my North, my South, my East and West,</i><br />
<i>My working week and my Sunday rest,</i><br />
<i>My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;</i><br />
<i>I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.</i><br />
<i>The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;</i><br />
<i>Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;</i><br />
<i>Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.</i><br />
<i>For nothing now can ever come to any good.</i>
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I'm reminded of a somewhat trite little truism: 'To the world you are just one person, but to me you are the world,' although Auden seems to express the sentiment so much more eloquently. In one of my more audacious moments, I thought to write my own version expressing that same disappointment. What seems so momentous to me, goes unrecognised by those not directly involved.<br />
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I'm still working on it, and I'm not usually one for writing rhyming poetry, but I think it gets the message across...<br />
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<h4>
Birth Bliss</h4>
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<i>Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,</i><br />
<i>Let all the birds sing, our little one is home,</i><br />
<i>Fling wide your windows and beat your drum,</i><br />
<i>Bring out the champagne, let the people come.</i><br />
<i>Let aeroplanes do loops in the sky up above,</i><br />
<i>Calligraphy announcing: 'Here is my love'.</i><br />
<i>Tie streamers on the tails of the public doves,</i><br />
<i>Let the traffic policemen don their very brightest gloves.</i><br />
<i>You are my North, my South, my East and my West,</i><br />
<i>No more working week, no more Sunday rest,</i><br />
<i>At noon, at midnight, we talk, we sing.</i><br />
<i>I thought that love would burst my heart, instead it's growing.</i><br />
<i>I see the stars now, reflected in your eyes;</i><br />
<i>The moon watches us, calms your midnight cries.</i><br />
<i>I'm certain the oceans responds to our dance,</i><br />
<i>Because now that you're here, grace and hope have a chance.</i></blockquote>
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If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy '<a href="https://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.co.za/2014/04/the-doula-as-witness.html" target="_blank">The Doula as Witness</a>'</div>
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<i> 'I witness a birthing mother glowing serenely through yet another wave; the gentle interactions between a mom and her partner; the dad's face as he marvels at what he and his partner accomplished. I witness the mother's triumph as her dreams and expectations are clothed in flesh.'</i></div>
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Please share if you've ever felt this way!</div>
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Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-49367791497676958682016-08-22T12:04:00.000-07:002016-08-25T05:43:33.949-07:00Back to work... (Postpartum Musings)<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlcVEPL8TsydumLKKNlZX8E-wzHDEorHBjEMxaKJEFbdP_MVhzUH_MZ50Zk9-Mqt0jj8x2sQqocHdXwdp16h-5A0FWxQVHL8lij_YOuOYZHT2L2vsWQ7XJuREIxl9C30AMcU6EDwYXlM/s1600/baby+toes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYlcVEPL8TsydumLKKNlZX8E-wzHDEorHBjEMxaKJEFbdP_MVhzUH_MZ50Zk9-Mqt0jj8x2sQqocHdXwdp16h-5A0FWxQVHL8lij_YOuOYZHT2L2vsWQ7XJuREIxl9C30AMcU6EDwYXlM/s200/baby+toes.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have a little obsession with baby toes</td></tr>
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<b>My maternity leave ended this week...</b> I'd been approaching this day with mixed emotions. Being able to quantify my productivity is something I appreciate, but I also love being around to cuddle with my little squish at every opportunity. It goes by so quickly. <b>You are just starting to emerge from the fog of the first 12 weeks, and the mini one is showing a real little personality and you're back at work again. <i>(Super Quick Didn't-Make-It-Into-The-Water, Caught by Dad Home Birth Story <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2016/04/isaacs-birth-story-our-quick-intense_7.html">here.</a>)</i></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij0oyMRENIc9RrthFXB-W1Gd12B3nGQ1QspABRv6Rg5xWrVtX3JNe4HNIrDtvGXHvZktrsMHQF45ohAri5hcyBbDOoQe15FERIIyXoRGB_DKhAA8uYEc9yX0uFv1HF1bLaxJTFQeG_60o/s1600/day+3+postpartum+belly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij0oyMRENIc9RrthFXB-W1Gd12B3nGQ1QspABRv6Rg5xWrVtX3JNe4HNIrDtvGXHvZktrsMHQF45ohAri5hcyBbDOoQe15FERIIyXoRGB_DKhAA8uYEc9yX0uFv1HF1bLaxJTFQeG_60o/s320/day+3+postpartum+belly.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My belly on the second day.</td></tr>
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So how is little Isaac? Well, he is living up to his name (Isaac means 'he laughs') - he smiles and gurgles and coos at all and sundry,<b> although his dad seems to have been relegated to 'not-the-momma' status as of late</b>. He is a super chunkalicious 7.5kg at 14 weeks, very different from my girls who were quite petite.<br />
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While I love my ring sling that I made (using <a href="http://rixarixa.blogspot.co.za/2008/05/pleated-ring-sling-tutorial.html">this tutorial</a>), because once you've got the hang of it, it's quick to set up but also functions much like a <a href="http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Towel">hitchhiker's towel</a>. Well, it is no longer comfortable and my stretchy wrap is also just holding on. I have an ABC (African Baby Carrier) somewhere in our house, but in the various 'cleanups' I just can't find it anywhere... <b>The catch-22 is that I won't be able to sort out more boxes without a back-carrier, but I'll need to sort those boxes to find my back-carrier </b>- we'll just have to make a plan until then. Even with all the slings and wraps and carriers, it feels like every day is 'arm day' in our house! <b>Who needs gym?</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg-5K2nEo6DhSjUJTbs0Ld2x4DLjHxDRjbTjPTKvVsMMO9upNoBZsdq10FMuFI-5vwAjYl1NtF9gTFTfYU7WTv_tblAEnX9FmvUoOVePfOlvvUc5PER54DRjwxzQbQpeFRvsiKHoNigPo/s1600/ring+sling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg-5K2nEo6DhSjUJTbs0Ld2x4DLjHxDRjbTjPTKvVsMMO9upNoBZsdq10FMuFI-5vwAjYl1NtF9gTFTfYU7WTv_tblAEnX9FmvUoOVePfOlvvUc5PER54DRjwxzQbQpeFRvsiKHoNigPo/s200/ring+sling.jpg" width="159" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First time in the sling.</td></tr>
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Breastfeeding has gone well. <b>Even third time around I experienced those moments of frustration in the middle of the night, wondering if he was getting enough milk as he got frustrated at the breast</b>, massaging <a href="http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/mastitis/" target="_blank">plugged ducts</a> and putting cream on tender nipples. Oh yes, and we survived the <a href="http://kellymom.com/hot-topics/growth-spurts/" target="_blank">growth spurts</a> too! We just took it one day, even one feed at time, and my favourite advice is to <b>never quit at your lowest point</b>. After all that I am pleased to say that even with my usual AA cup, we have not resorted to even one drop of formula. Yayness!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRf8GIDr6pVUgMP69ok8e_oNTymi_bywFPVF3qdu1XMzgzzHvmoyleGbBb0aQX1AJaqA047190Pah2Ee6TMKEKtTDCFgU0SjDKe54l2v34b45DM7WCDDLW1rIjzeEpA3ODadCiEa-BfY/s1600/The+only+way+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRf8GIDr6pVUgMP69ok8e_oNTymi_bywFPVF3qdu1XMzgzzHvmoyleGbBb0aQX1AJaqA047190Pah2Ee6TMKEKtTDCFgU0SjDKe54l2v34b45DM7WCDDLW1rIjzeEpA3ODadCiEa-BfY/s320/The+only+way+out.jpg" width="242" /></a><br />
<b>My husband has been incredible as always</b>, waiting on me hand and foot when he could and feeding me through growth spurts, and keeping the older kids fed and watered so I could concentrate on the littlest. <b>I love that he doesn't see himself as mom's sidekick, but as a co-parent</b>. He doesn't do me any favours in the sense that <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/abi-oborne/five-reasons-i-am-not-lucky-to-have-my-husband_b_7875666.html" target="_blank">we are a team</a> working together to get our family where we need to be. <b>He never babysits, or looks after the kids 'for me', no, he just parents them, like I do. 'Cos we're both parents. Fancy that!</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQPqdKQY_1DPjaoBef5Z_PbhZKXiL_ME_L6U0dkArdqkAfXV6JfDqpyk-q54bKEMsighOlqVn9rYroIufZg_5XkhVlahlkD5x8GlByjTS16ruedOc5EDwrCyNJ0P0naUuGaluV1HZsU8/s1600/I+can+do+it2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQPqdKQY_1DPjaoBef5Z_PbhZKXiL_ME_L6U0dkArdqkAfXV6JfDqpyk-q54bKEMsighOlqVn9rYroIufZg_5XkhVlahlkD5x8GlByjTS16ruedOc5EDwrCyNJ0P0naUuGaluV1HZsU8/s320/I+can+do+it2.jpg" width="252" /></a>I'm also particularly grateful that <b>I've been able to go back to work at 6 hours instead of 8 hours a day, </b>and we have someone at home who will be looking after him. I've been expressing a small stash so he has enough while I'm at work. <b>While my supply is adequate, expressing is something I've always struggled with </b>- the most I've ever been able to express was one time I got 180ml from both sides with a fancy double pump, where some women can get up to 500ml from each side. I feel like it's worth it though.<br />
<br />
<b>Another struggle is that my milk apparently has <a href="http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/lipase-expressedmilk/" target="_blank">high lipase</a> content</b>, so smells 'off' quite quickly after being expressed as the lipase starts digesting the lipids. It doesn't damage the milk, but sometimes baby isn't too keen on the taste. If I scald it on the stove before I store it then it wouldn't be a problem, but scalding 60-80ml of milk at a time seems pointless, so it just means I'm going to have to be diligent about keeping track of expressing and storing so I don't have to freeze too much.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dimpled baby sausage fingers... <br />
almost as cute as baby toes!</td></tr>
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<b>I just recently took down my birth affirmation posters from around our room.</b> I was thinking of getting "Psalms in Color" to replace them, but I honestly haven't had time to do much colouring in the last three months. <b>Any moment in which I had both hands to myself was usually spent taking care of personal hygiene and food needs. </b>Having said that, it was amazing how many of the affirmations were still relevant... <b>'The only way out is through'</b> and <b>'I can do it because I are doing it' </b>being two specific examples.<br />
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In terms of physical recuperation I was thankful that my in-laws took the girls to stay with them for five days after Isaac was born. I was able to stay in bed and cuddle with my baby without interruption, and most of all, to rest as much as possible. As I wrote before, I was intending to do as little as possible for the first while, and I really did, <b>until I reached a point where not getting out of the house was more depressing than staying at home to rest.</b> I did manage to watch a whole lot of Netflix documentaries which I thoroughly enjoyed!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx5rbRQUBc4TzsFNHbdBe6Nhp6mUyiSEradoryvKbuFDf5FVSJZrL9uK0RzdAeTlzKKx85FLfxNfKmIHv0-i9fMnpCekrP0nf5WL3LiokXFinWbMxAwJBYV-Lk68tcAqyTuxVyVW0omqg/s1600/I+am+a+wonderful+mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx5rbRQUBc4TzsFNHbdBe6Nhp6mUyiSEradoryvKbuFDf5FVSJZrL9uK0RzdAeTlzKKx85FLfxNfKmIHv0-i9fMnpCekrP0nf5WL3LiokXFinWbMxAwJBYV-Lk68tcAqyTuxVyVW0omqg/s200/I+am+a+wonderful+mother.jpg" width="148" /></a><b>I have enjoyed having more energy than I had during pregnancy and co-sleeping has meant that I'm feeling more rested now than I felt during pregnancy. </b>Because I birthed on my hands and knees I was able to control the descent of his head quite well, so didn't have any tearing or even much bruising, so that has helped I'm sure! I tried some belly-binding when I did start to be up and about, and I must say it did help me to feel supported and also to not get tired so quickly.<br />
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<b>We have a great church community that brought us meals, and of the meals I cooked to freeze, we used the last one when he was ten weeks old. </b>That was a win for sure. And, we somehow manage to fit three kids in our 5-seater car safely, although <b>the first time I had all of them in there I was quite nervous... Precious cargo indeed!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8WP-vClYnd8VQLy-gEBUlaMsWfc027XHPSG9H-zhy0tAlz9IQia5vE6ovJwF1e6QchegtA3IiEnb2HTJ8lsEdZsvhbXG-p44xp7igPoN6jVWwpCmL2mPB4s92mxTIKL10eUF7zEBra0/s1600/first+trip+to+the+beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8WP-vClYnd8VQLy-gEBUlaMsWfc027XHPSG9H-zhy0tAlz9IQia5vE6ovJwF1e6QchegtA3IiEnb2HTJ8lsEdZsvhbXG-p44xp7igPoN6jVWwpCmL2mPB4s92mxTIKL10eUF7zEBra0/s320/first+trip+to+the+beach.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He slept through his first visit<br />
to the beach</td></tr>
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Our cloth nappy stash seems to be holding up well.<b> I loved having the newborn nappies for those early days, but he outgrew them quicker than I expected!</b> We have moved onto his OSFM (one-size-fits-most) nappies, many of which I used with his older sister. We only just used up the disposables I got at my baby shower.<b> Yay for budget babies!</b><br />
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<b>I did get intensely lonely at times while on maternity leave</b>, so I got involved in a moms group that meets once a week, and also met with some other moms on an ad hoc basis, some I had known before and others I had never met previously. <b>In some ways I am sad that I won't be seeing them every week, as it feels like we were just getting over the small-talk period of a friendship</b>, but with some we have arranged to meet up again, so I'm looking forward to building those new friendships.<br />
<br />
<b>One thing I discovered in the last two weeks which I'm sure will help, is something called 'Adventure Clubs' </b>(On Android <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=fi.andr.adventureclubs" target="_blank">here</a>)- it's a South African app you can download which shows you 'adventures' in your area, based on your GPS position. You can also sign up to lead adventures. <b>It's been a lovely way to find relatively cheap things to do with my girls during their school holidays</b>, along with other moms.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRFuuQbEnV4053dA38rfi-It-LZJsi4YlkviOOBN9ebTsf93Vc1wTfAVSbS7p0oUDgwMFuIp4krwA98BqE5bbl7mDhG2Y8cPHXKKurhzOtJL3netwi_AaGtHnnayR2yJpVeh2AsubGudw/s1600/making+the+most+of+it.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRFuuQbEnV4053dA38rfi-It-LZJsi4YlkviOOBN9ebTsf93Vc1wTfAVSbS7p0oUDgwMFuIp4krwA98BqE5bbl7mDhG2Y8cPHXKKurhzOtJL3netwi_AaGtHnnayR2yJpVeh2AsubGudw/s320/making+the+most+of+it.jpg" width="294" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taking advantage of the moms and tots parking!</td></tr>
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<b>About the girls, they just adore their little brother, </b>and I haven't experienced any huge signs of jealousy with them. The younger of the girls especially loves hugging and kissing her baby brother, and <b>it is beautiful to see how they are so loving towards him, gushing about how adorable he is and how they just love him so much.</b> Long may it last!<br />
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<b>Fortunately hubby has been able to take them to school in the mornings</b>, so I have had that time to be with baby, but with the new school term starting again this week, I've had to be up for work too. Afternoon school runs are a challenge with different finishing times and various extramural activities, and <b>in typical third child fashion, Isaac gets dragged / worn along to everything, from school plays to ballet concert photo shoots, sports days and many and various birthday parties.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1AjOGDiKgKwTSHYnXbHUi9PKgMm1y6v81yi2ewYVqCmy55gpKwWbHXjiJW_J-fvZV5Ln4HR_47Wkba7j67oNfq_JmXIJhYQZo2KujoY7tBZleZHW3BLQyi8EB1kcETW96yJjj9GcdXEc/s1600/smiles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1AjOGDiKgKwTSHYnXbHUi9PKgMm1y6v81yi2ewYVqCmy55gpKwWbHXjiJW_J-fvZV5Ln4HR_47Wkba7j67oNfq_JmXIJhYQZo2KujoY7tBZleZHW3BLQyi8EB1kcETW96yJjj9GcdXEc/s320/smiles.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The beginnings of that gummy grin.</td></tr>
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<b>As much as you try to be kind to yourself, life doesn't go on hold when you've had a baby</b>, and while I've been on maternity leave, <b>we've been dealing with some serious family health struggles, relational conflict situations, organizing kids' birthday parties along with unexpected financial setbacks - aren't they always unexpected though?</b> - and another little person in the mix does seem to eat into one's capacity. I feel simultaneously less capable and more capable all at once.<br />
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<b>He is a pretty easy baby, and even then, </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Fd4gpOFYoM7oZK3uQSGDQDI3lhYdeYgTRTQyBqe4MWGdQwW5AH_YpXmobJTXI3bhbWCScGnPdTubEsc7Jum3t1e1VyB4PyrTkNajAC-dRPU742ZrQRcNDMT04X7ROjVO-bzEU1uHfUs/s1600/teeth+in+teeth+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><b><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Fd4gpOFYoM7oZK3uQSGDQDI3lhYdeYgTRTQyBqe4MWGdQwW5AH_YpXmobJTXI3bhbWCScGnPdTubEsc7Jum3t1e1VyB4PyrTkNajAC-dRPU742ZrQRcNDMT04X7ROjVO-bzEU1uHfUs/s320/teeth+in+teeth+out.jpg" width="255" /></b></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One getting teeth and the other losing them...</td></tr>
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<b> I must admit I'd forgotten how time consuming these little ones are. </b>Having had a horribly colicky baby and a reasonably easy baby, I feel like they take similar amounts of time and effort physically, but the time spent on an easier baby seems less fraught while the more challenging baby seems to take more emotional energy. But that's just me. <b>It could also be that my brain has blotted some parts of those early days with baby #1 out as some way of ensuring I would actually consider having another one...</b><br />
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<b>I've given up eating dairy products with this little one as he started showing signs of colic / reflux.</b> (I already eat a totally wheat-free diet) and<b> it made a significant difference, as it did with my second child.</b> I just wish I'd known with my first baby that dairy protein (specifically casein) can pass through breastmilk and cause colic and reflux, and even eczema. <b>I think life would have been a bit easier way back then!</b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drinking coffee on my own while Isaac has his trial with his carer.<br />
I even wore a dress that I couldn't possibly breastfeed in.<br />
Like coffee, bittersweet.</td></tr>
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<br />
So after all that, even though I think I've had a well-supported, well-planned postpartum period, <b>having done this three times now I can say for certain that those first few months after giving birth are always intense... From aching joy to biting loneliness, from the heights of pure delight to feeling utterly overwhelmed. </b><br />
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<b>It's amazing how you can feel full to beyond bursting point and echoingly empty and depleted within split seconds of each other. I'm not sure there are any emotions you don't experience in that first while. </b><br />
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<b>And so begins that long process of separation, from utter dependence to adamant independence. From that moment of the severing of the umbilical cord we're preparing them for a big wide world. The messy and fierce and squishy and rocky path of nudging them towards that independence that breaks our mother hearts even while we know that this was the point all along... </b><br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">What was your postpartum experience like?<br />Is there anything you would do differently if you were to have another child?</span><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Anything you'd like to know about what to expect in the postpartum period?</span><br />
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<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-5731733712590240592016-04-07T02:22:00.000-07:002018-02-27T10:45:02.308-08:00Isaac's Birth Story - Our quick, intense, didn't-make-it-into-the-water home birth...<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjseK_fgawDF8yX0-FvCInBFAkgVZlpgri0RT00NBUs0YLvLQeerQlqdR75ALereWGrxD0dC_rSbwSUUxKFXQ8_b-Gg2cIjtqqtlGm3CsPVpRwPQvBdd-sp7JEKDWDK9ZoIq_uc892kkPw/s1600/johan+isaac.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjseK_fgawDF8yX0-FvCInBFAkgVZlpgri0RT00NBUs0YLvLQeerQlqdR75ALereWGrxD0dC_rSbwSUUxKFXQ8_b-Gg2cIjtqqtlGm3CsPVpRwPQvBdd-sp7JEKDWDK9ZoIq_uc892kkPw/s320/johan+isaac.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Announcement by <a href="http://www.sarahjanephotography.co.za/" target="_blank">Sarah-Jane Photography</a></td></tr>
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<h2 style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">Isaac Johan's Birth Story</span></h2>
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Another great home birth with our fantastic midwife!</h3>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;">The last you heard from me was my pregnancy diary at <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2016/03/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-38.html" target="_blank">38 weeks</a>. Since then I finished off my last few work tasks and enjoyed some fun time with the girls while they were on school holiday. <b>We went on a picnic one morning, and to the beach another day. It was great to have a few days where my time was (mostly) my own! </b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;">(And if you're confused because you thought his name was Johan Isaac, and now my blog says Isaac Johan, your memory is correct! That was our original order, but <b>over the last week, we have just felt that Isaac 'sticks' better </b>– we, parents and grandparents, just seem to be gravitating towards using Isaac as a first name, Zack for short, so we made the change.)</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjScZZGRaol5FVkbNVx8xKY9etk2UNTu_sH51Qxcbdj3z2siNOArgBxg3UemUk0OBL0VLksWPqoi8sCWcUFJWEsFBqqYnqNPLjvhRSKXgw0lOuDNZhaIuE6r0utahUsNXLRX0M5pgrAkMw/s1600/Isaac.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjScZZGRaol5FVkbNVx8xKY9etk2UNTu_sH51Qxcbdj3z2siNOArgBxg3UemUk0OBL0VLksWPqoi8sCWcUFJWEsFBqqYnqNPLjvhRSKXgw0lOuDNZhaIuE6r0utahUsNXLRX0M5pgrAkMw/s400/Isaac.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Isaac" target="_blank">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">We were kind of hoping that baby would come before Easter weekend. And considering that it was my 38th week, and baby #2 arrived at 38 weeks on the dot, it wasn't too much wishful thinking. <b>Easter weekend just seemed an awkward time for everyone.</b> My folks run <a href="http://www.thefevertree.co.za/" target="_blank">Fever Tree Guest House</a> in Hluhluwe, just over 3 hours' drive away, and my friend Shelley, who agreed to be my doula was going to Underberg to spend the weekend with family from Joburg. <b>We had known there would be a clash of dates from the beginning, and all just had to be okay with the idea that things might not work out how we want them to and get on with it. </b></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiodnAu0v9js4ltg5zupwmywYtdAInsScVVMPgxA-v1qz0el-eS4AktA-KhntsG6PKf2idwIrFyk_RTacAfFiNkQdeedHfdqtvLG5jJ9d9dSt9GzfZ42mFV06tkPgsviBBk-rD8O0LuvYk/s1600/Johan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="87" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiodnAu0v9js4ltg5zupwmywYtdAInsScVVMPgxA-v1qz0el-eS4AktA-KhntsG6PKf2idwIrFyk_RTacAfFiNkQdeedHfdqtvLG5jJ9d9dSt9GzfZ42mFV06tkPgsviBBk-rD8O0LuvYk/s400/Johan.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Johan" target="_blank">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgng6bjSttBhTh0aORC8DpVc8fLu-AT3O0voDjX2wOjefQPACJKuEkPqlg0anFO4foLI_oq_sySkWriNgNsACHqoRYydPFtwUVeDr9s2U2SvcKSuSQj4gds3PxCqnUbFy5himJZS24cBPM/s1600/sink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgng6bjSttBhTh0aORC8DpVc8fLu-AT3O0voDjX2wOjefQPACJKuEkPqlg0anFO4foLI_oq_sySkWriNgNsACHqoRYydPFtwUVeDr9s2U2SvcKSuSQj4gds3PxCqnUbFy5himJZS24cBPM/s320/sink.jpg" width="320" /></a><b><span style="line-height: 16px;">I wasn't going to stress myself out – while washing dishes on Friday morning I felt God acknowledging that I spend so much of my life accommodating the needs of others, this </span><span style="line-height: 16px;">time I just needed to let things be for me – whether things happened soon or not, I didn't need to stress. I felt free!</span></b></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">A friend had the girls over the play on Friday morning so <b>Hans and I, despite all good intentions to clean the fridge and sort the pantry, went and had brunch, just the two of us</b>. I even got my 'push prezzie' in advance – little did we know!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">After my little revelation over the dishes, I shared some other thoughts about the birth with Hans – <b>I didn't want to be bugged with 'How far are you?' and 'How much longer do you think it will be?' questions while in labour. </b>Asking questions of a lady in labour aren't helpful for that ideal 'labour-land' brain state so typical of true physiological birth as they activate the language centres of the brain, the 'higher' brain. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgotNEH3L6fV7DfyLrzBT4YIpsdXEg3fvwLXffXSGRLmas0KqbTVRtXEU3f3723soNUPI-jfjPc784AxKeaUm5exuXhqqBM74bpGw-LJ8uxlS02YYmvKe_c6c-D82CC2NSSgS1YowXlWAc/s1600/stopwatch01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgotNEH3L6fV7DfyLrzBT4YIpsdXEg3fvwLXffXSGRLmas0KqbTVRtXEU3f3723soNUPI-jfjPc784AxKeaUm5exuXhqqBM74bpGw-LJ8uxlS02YYmvKe_c6c-D82CC2NSSgS1YowXlWAc/s320/stopwatch01.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>Questions about time also add in the whole idea of pressure and performance which can also distract from the task at hand – so I gave Hans the firm instruction to field those questions and comments for me</b>, because we did have the reality of people travelling from up to three hours away to join us. In retrospect it was odd that I felt so adamant about these things right at that moment – but <b>maybe I knew something was going down. Pardon the pun.</b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>I honestly hadn't had any prelabour symptoms this time </b>– no loose stools, no 'show', no major burst of energy – and I was kind of grateful about that. <b>With <a href="http://www.giving-birth-naturally.net/water-birth-story-tmi.html" target="_blank">my second birth</a> I had a rather exhausting bout with prodromal labour that I wasn't keen to repeat. I think that being diligent about getting enough magnesium in really helped prevent that!</b></span></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">So that afternoon I coloured in another of my birth affirmation pages – and just went on with life as usual.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT6hXUNNsBHV2UeYX_K9BaVCyqrEm2Nz9QKW-EDtFVL4alsSH0DUW86JyDsqXYw-YqY3HWXup5emfVAwMxlJQ3hQI1R63RFk_zv3NN_HlNEpXku0_8WONvOroqjtKCpWDEBC5Jac5xpdA/s1600/I+am+a+wonderful+mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT6hXUNNsBHV2UeYX_K9BaVCyqrEm2Nz9QKW-EDtFVL4alsSH0DUW86JyDsqXYw-YqY3HWXup5emfVAwMxlJQ3hQI1R63RFk_zv3NN_HlNEpXku0_8WONvOroqjtKCpWDEBC5Jac5xpdA/s320/I+am+a+wonderful+mother.jpg" width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some more colouring!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>At around 8pm, lying in bed watching Netflix, I had what felt like a slightly uncomfortable Braxton-Hicks (BH) contraction.</b> Now I'm a veteran on downright painful BH contractions – I know they aren't supposed to be painful, but mine sometimes are – so I didn't stress too much. <b>Halfway through the program I was watching, I realised I'd had three of them at seemingly regular intervals</b>, so I half noticed the time and true as nuts, ten minutes later I had another, and then another ten minutes after that. I told hubby on Skype - 'OK!' he replied and came through to help get things ready in case.</span></div>
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>I let the midwife know, because we both know my history, and I told her I was going to get in the bath to try calm things down so I could get some sleep</b> – because that was what I did for a whole week before my second little one was born. <b>I also let my birth team know – just so that if it was for real they would have some warning.</b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>By the time my bath was over, surges were 5 minutes apart, and definitely not BH anymore!</b></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">So we gave the go-ahead for those coming from far away – Hluhluwe, Underberg and Pietermaritzburg… <b>Our midwife Arlen was the first to arrive, then my hubby's folks. Fortunately the girls were asleep by that stage and I was directing last minute details between surges </b>– checking we had a bucket for laundry, making sure the birth pool was ready, putting birth supplies out so they could be found easily, getting some <a href="http://www.mommypotamus.com/how-to-make-a-labor-aid-electrolyte-drink/" target="_blank">labor-aide</a> mixed and ready – and a myriad of other minor tasks that needed doing. <b>It was a warm evening so I was pacing and doing my thing in my undies while all the action happened around me.</b></span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVGgOjZf-uNrKCXQCh4trjyawCU_nU5xAkPVThu8EXNXzhtIIl2cHKSQDe0fgheka0jP4YLANjAgA50q7dggGY9T-TLojvYou7uzp5hk4jhoPVTgBnKpVvHY2P1qQcAs2I8_h12Oo0lT8/s1600/molly+keeping+watch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVGgOjZf-uNrKCXQCh4trjyawCU_nU5xAkPVThu8EXNXzhtIIl2cHKSQDe0fgheka0jP4YLANjAgA50q7dggGY9T-TLojvYou7uzp5hk4jhoPVTgBnKpVvHY2P1qQcAs2I8_h12Oo0lT8/s320/molly+keeping+watch.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Molly keeping an eye on proceedings once baby was born...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">Arlen took my blood pressure when she arrived, and checked baby's heartbeat – all good. <b>We had agreed, as with my previous births, that we wouldn't do internal checks unless necessary, so it wasn't even suggested. </b>Internal checks can only tell you how dilated your cervix is at that moment, it gives no indication of how long it took to get there, or how long it will take to reach full dilation. I've had clients go from 6cm to baby in 45minutes, or 3-10cm in an hour, so really – <b>to have to lie down so someone can examine your cervix via your vagina, to get information that may or may not be helpful, just felt unnecessary to me.</b> But that's just me!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>I was in labour and that was all I needed to know!</b> Each surge was slightly more intense than the last and I absolutely had to keep moving through them – <b>they were getting longer, stronger and closer together</b>, so we knew things were progressing. At this stage <b>I was doing lots of figure 8's with my hips</b> – that felt amazing!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">I honestly felt a bit like cat in labour - <b>I was pulling all sorts of crazy stretches. </b>Later on Arlen said she had never seen anyone in labor do stretches quite like that. If you know anything about dancing – <b>think very slow, gentle 'bouncing' in a wide second position, knees out, body forward, back arched, left elbow on knee, right hand pushing right knee out, then lunging side to side in that position as needed. </b></span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz0zTXO_9wb3-qBJVgWB46w6ROYyT7OEX8Bn7KpRfIQnX-Wavt0hCKB2W4aa2VroGXbnJ41iCXPp9Uu-9fLaOKctsv3YDHKOmAIamM3vG5ZhlqJGJ6VtirOFLmzmhvkFA4SxvWPJfxfTo/s1600/200x234xthe-birth-machine.jpg.pagespeed.ic.-fnV_AN5Kl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz0zTXO_9wb3-qBJVgWB46w6ROYyT7OEX8Bn7KpRfIQnX-Wavt0hCKB2W4aa2VroGXbnJ41iCXPp9Uu-9fLaOKctsv3YDHKOmAIamM3vG5ZhlqJGJ6VtirOFLmzmhvkFA4SxvWPJfxfTo/s1600/200x234xthe-birth-machine.jpg.pagespeed.ic.-fnV_AN5Kl.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actually I nearly did do that once - <br />
this was me in labour in hospital with #1. <br />
I'm smiling because even then <br />
I thought all those wires were ridiculous...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>If I had been birthing in a place where you are expected to stay in or on the bed, I think I might have begged for drugs of some kind. </b>Not that there would have been time. I honestly can't imagine how women do the labour thing without being able to move about. Actually I can, because I did it with #1 - but never again!</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">During this time hubby and mom-in-law were filling the birth pool.<b> If it was a 'normal' home birth, the timing was perfect for getting in to the pool, just as the surges felt like they were starting to become overwhelming, the warm water of the pool would do its endorphin thing and I would be set to go for the last stretch… but my body seemed to have other plans.</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>I was getting down onto the floor with each surge. </b>The cold tiles were just what I needed as the room was quite warm. <b>What seems crazy is that I distinctly remember checking the time to find out if he would be born on the 25th or the 26th. When I checked my phone it was 12:04am</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>On what must have been the next surge after checking the time, I got down on the floor again only to feel an intense downward pressure which continued with each surge following</b> – not an urge to push, but rather a sense that my body was pushing something anyway. <b>Actually, it felt more like gravity had concentrated itself tenfold in the area of my pelvis, as if that part of me was being pulled down with a G-force I could do nothing to resist.</b> </span><b style="line-height: 16px;">I was doing low cleansing breaths with each surge – making 'hah, hah, hah' sounds</b><span style="line-height: 16px;"> – it just seemed the right thing to do. </span><span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>It was distinctly uncomfortable and then pop! - my waters broke.</b> Oddly, it felt so good!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>At this stage I wasn't getting up between surges, just lying with my face down on my arms and my butt in the air because that seemed to relieve the intensity for a few seconds.</b> Graceful mental image I know, but it felt great! At some stage we put a bright pink towel under my knees. <b>The pool was ready, and had been ready for a short while, but there was just no way I was moving anywhere.</b> I remember reaching a similar point in my previous labour, and having the mobility and awareness to get in the pool, and I was so glad I did, but this time seemed considerably quicker and much more intense – like a condensed version of the previous labour. So I stayed put.</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqEnoX44pLGRkkmFsDrF9wgbGDABH14jCWq7aLY79orVmNUbozUQGgI9X5tmLb8obshKWMWM6FraRHToi35k65NoEUhy-5VFDaJ_xiggkqtB7oRvnCeOA4vgLCquZO40hbeJsHLR36saA/s1600/my+body+was+made+to+give+birth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqEnoX44pLGRkkmFsDrF9wgbGDABH14jCWq7aLY79orVmNUbozUQGgI9X5tmLb8obshKWMWM6FraRHToi35k65NoEUhy-5VFDaJ_xiggkqtB7oRvnCeOA4vgLCquZO40hbeJsHLR36saA/s320/my+body+was+made+to+give+birth.jpg" width="242" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Friday afternoon colouring.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>I started to feel that unique sensation of a baby navigating his way down the birth canal. I can't imagine choosing to miss this part of labour as it seems to be the moment where you and baby are both working towards the same goal as he wriggles along with the rhythmic massage of those powerful uterine surges. I remember instinctively reaching down to be there to meet him, and saying, 'Baby's coming!'</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>As I remember it, I would be on my hands and knees and allow the pressure and stretching, but as soon as it felt too much, I would duck my head down and put my bum up to relieve the pressure a little. I think I did that through the pushing stage (in which I didn't actually do any pushing) until his head emerged. Every now and then I felt his little head moving this way and that as we worked together to bring him through. Other than that, it was just me and my hands guiding the process – so empowering! By this stage Arlen and Hans had set up some towels and linen savers behind me on the floor, Hans on his knees, waiting to catch his son. </b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>Once his head was out we waited for another surge, while I felt his shoulders turn in preparation for the emergence of the rest of his body. That was somewhat more uncomfortable than his head actually as I remember saying, 'Don't pull!' No one was pulling – it was his shoulders moving through. So with a sound of rushing water and great sense of relief, our little boy made his way into the world. 12:16am, 12 minutes after I last checked the time. He took a few moments to gather himself together as we welcomed him with enfolding arms and encouraging words. I sat back as they passed him to me and wrapped us both in towels. He gave a little roar of indignation to announce his acceptance of our welcome.</b></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl1OfqUaeszIHhLnZnnH0jgHEkQMdfi3f-d0ipcVJZPMMpaWS9SrdGpUYXYdSujfXszEbGlGY4Hagc9f3xaQ0Dyg_l790jqsVACfMF2XAx_xC6ChyphenhyphendspLRDwika6boFnfQ2W5G8aYgh2A/s1600/DSC_0778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="371" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl1OfqUaeszIHhLnZnnH0jgHEkQMdfi3f-d0ipcVJZPMMpaWS9SrdGpUYXYdSujfXszEbGlGY4Hagc9f3xaQ0Dyg_l790jqsVACfMF2XAx_xC6ChyphenhyphendspLRDwika6boFnfQ2W5G8aYgh2A/s400/DSC_0778.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>Within a few moments, I felt strong enough to get into the water and Hans joined me.</b> It was lovely to sink into the warmth and weightlessness of the pool. We could get a good look at our newest family member without worrying about getting him getting cold, and my somewhat fatigued body could get a little rest too!</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTiDop_vssdUvuWv7XtS1xHqsemh7CJp67vDlmO7C1aozxFf6ktOGWc_0ZMt6JRyhH72aed-57CwjahTpokxslsOzlSQPdRH7a3zauxPE5MY7YAV_zJwhoBcLwwDCC00hbzNF-N6LU3s4/s1600/passed+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTiDop_vssdUvuWv7XtS1xHqsemh7CJp67vDlmO7C1aozxFf6ktOGWc_0ZMt6JRyhH72aed-57CwjahTpokxslsOzlSQPdRH7a3zauxPE5MY7YAV_zJwhoBcLwwDCC00hbzNF-N6LU3s4/s320/passed+out.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our eldest passed out on the bed after saying hello.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">Things get a little blurred after that, you would think it would be the other way around! <b>I remember relaxing in the water together for a while, with an extra contraction or two every now and then to get the placenta moving, and I remember him rooting about looking for my breast, and latching quite strongly and decisively when he found it!</b> Peaceful and unhurried – just beautiful. </span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">I remember Hans getting out the water at some stage – <b>our girls were brought through, in a sleepy stupor, to come say hello, after which they promptly passed out on our bed</b>. My mom-in-law came through, the photographer arrived, as did my parents and my doula – though I don't remember the order. I was grateful for the water then as it forced us to stay put and kept things warm and private. <b>There was a great atmosphere of celebration throughout!</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"><b>After over an hour in the water I was ready to get out – so the cord, now limp and white, was clamped and cut and littlest was placed in his father's arms. </b>We delivered and checked the placenta, got me cleaned up and dressed. Arlen took all the vitals and did all the newborn checks -<b> I was quite chuffed that after needing a few stitches with my firstborn and her 33cm head, I managed this 36cm head with nary a graze! Go me!</b> He weighed 3.56kg - my biggest baby by nearly 300g, and was 56cm long, so also my tallest baby.<br /><br /><b>We had everyone come in for a little name announcement, beause as you know we had kept our final choice a secret until he was born. </b>Once all that was done,<b> I got him back on my chest, skin-to-skin, covered with a few extra blankets, where he stayed drinking for the next while, and we all went through to the lounge to have tea at nearly 2am in the morning! It was lovely!</b></span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUbLBtghGmozU554uKPYsJxlBqCVL2h9jllR8xxHNAmcOPAbSz4tHej_ZAMdQemdUcD4Avd2kIxIG6qgm5JgpvF9pmIrRb6peCF2xf-jRLWe6AwXjziW3zh0RXwdFL0QKrc8t2SbuH_MA/s1600/meeting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUbLBtghGmozU554uKPYsJxlBqCVL2h9jllR8xxHNAmcOPAbSz4tHej_ZAMdQemdUcD4Avd2kIxIG6qgm5JgpvF9pmIrRb6peCF2xf-jRLWe6AwXjziW3zh0RXwdFL0QKrc8t2SbuH_MA/s320/meeting.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Morning meetings... <br />
The girls have a good cuddle with <br />
their baby brother for the first time.<br />
You can see the pool in the background.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="line-height: 16px;">The girls slept on mattresses in our room as their rooms were occupied for the night.<b> I watched as the eldest woke up and I got to see the realisation on her face as she remembered her baby brother had been born. </b>They just couldn't get enough cuddling and snuggling in and it seems they still can't! They argue over who gets to hold the baby next, and are already stars at collecting all the bits necessary for baths and nappy changes and the like.</span><span style="line-height: 16px;"></span></div>
<br />
I've got some other thoughts to share on the whole postpartum experience - but I'll leave that for another post.<br />
<br />
<b>Thanks for reading...</b><br />
<b>Please add any thoughts, questions or queries below!</b><br />
<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-21051386166641705442016-03-25T21:09:00.000-07:002016-03-25T21:09:00.587-07:00Welcome to our newest little Jansen!<h3>
He's here!</h3>
<div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY50xSuOdDNem_pNx1IlqK3ii4J-cf03il2gOxPpQbSitRGuVGBBU4uNGyAH9OPKzRAzX6vOjzqZMKDz670_uGmUAwEVDnZDZvRuDOZIhhdsvaN0jNNmeuLpeAUNF_4HKQ8N1mNUT4uYk/s1600/DSC_0798%257E2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY50xSuOdDNem_pNx1IlqK3ii4J-cf03il2gOxPpQbSitRGuVGBBU4uNGyAH9OPKzRAzX6vOjzqZMKDz670_uGmUAwEVDnZDZvRuDOZIhhdsvaN0jNNmeuLpeAUNF_4HKQ8N1mNUT4uYk/s320/DSC_0798%257E2.JPG" width="320" /></a><b><div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Johan Isaac Jansen made his glorious appearance just after midnight on the morning of Saturday the 26th of March</b>, weighing in at 3.56kg, my biggest baby yet!<br /><br /><b>Labour was quick and intense</b>, starting with surges ten minutes apart for about an hour at 8pm on Friday evening,<b> I took a bath to try make them go away</b>, which usually worked in the past with annoying prodromal labour, but to no avail! </div>
<div>
<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyXHfKWNGAxZMAnFAcIPSXl2eG5NRT4fZYoVkNpM9QQlKkd9TKv0T5p-oJU0PJOK4JM6eYsviPx_6eZt_g-pX1et2TCR-NFFm7N0w5G9eZ_rbU_Sp3e-IK66wCAGhgRSuz4IK2DryCYI/s1600/DSC_0778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyXHfKWNGAxZMAnFAcIPSXl2eG5NRT4fZYoVkNpM9QQlKkd9TKv0T5p-oJU0PJOK4JM6eYsviPx_6eZt_g-pX1et2TCR-NFFm7N0w5G9eZ_rbU_Sp3e-IK66wCAGhgRSuz4IK2DryCYI/s200/DSC_0778.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hello little one!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>By the end it was so quick I couldn't even get up off all fours</b> to get into the pool that was filled and waiting - further details will follow in a future post!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>So dad got to do the baby catching </b>and we jumped into the pool afterwards for some bonding time - it was so special! <b>Little Jo (or Jo-Zac, or Hansie - we haven't picked a 'noemnaam' yet) latched like a pro</b> and stayed that way for a number of hours. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdDb63iI2EVEQMXNH-FzK0xJBzuy9qL2lYGEZEq8FzymQpwNm0QtJY67Ak-T29d9bYGU9eWEeX2Ybifk35SN6SlG2M997yOiAtLfS1APKJSd5k5I8u9L6zu8DO1t0jYr4XGmCI-D47mk0/s1600/DSC_0811.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdDb63iI2EVEQMXNH-FzK0xJBzuy9qL2lYGEZEq8FzymQpwNm0QtJY67Ak-T29d9bYGU9eWEeX2Ybifk35SN6SlG2M997yOiAtLfS1APKJSd5k5I8u9L6zu8DO1t0jYr4XGmCI-D47mk0/s320/DSC_0811.JPG" width="174" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In a little whale nappy because<br />he was supposed to be born<br />in the water!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div>
<b>The big sisters said their sleepy hello's, and promptly passed out again.</b></div>
<div>
<br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9w4EcmaUQzhZQ8_MgMOwOaRcAArpSrHA1VlC7GJeuyc0oqv2WlYmOGh_vLnX9h60iv4WoMKdDjJuBSW4JRpr4VpsunEmzcLOSRgssz1m0yZ2yDhU9dmSnXolW4VObcdfn-JTelDuyQ3M/s1600/DSC_0807.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9w4EcmaUQzhZQ8_MgMOwOaRcAArpSrHA1VlC7GJeuyc0oqv2WlYmOGh_vLnX9h60iv4WoMKdDjJuBSW4JRpr4VpsunEmzcLOSRgssz1m0yZ2yDhU9dmSnXolW4VObcdfn-JTelDuyQ3M/s320/DSC_0807.JPG" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think he's been practicing!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />As you can see, we're all resting well!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>I am grateful to our midwife Arlen Ege for being wonderful as always,</b> and to all the grannies and grandpas and extras who did their low flying to join us... <b>it was such a peaceful birth</b>, and so special to have such generous support.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Like I said, more details and pics to follow...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-64476336715187887862016-03-21T08:45:00.000-07:002016-03-21T09:00:11.947-07:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary - Week 38<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo9FQuHMc1lMmBa6rhbqaJ9PZCnIriuFE98ZCuL5EUDgd6oymQT0q5rIin-P4Lh5ff3XVyrsaKaD2zSgUFNvvFnnqFmu-jR6JW4NQFHJmdXwXulKjSf9cljeTPDZktyqTXwAP6qf65YcI/s1600/Don%2527t+push+the+river+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo9FQuHMc1lMmBa6rhbqaJ9PZCnIriuFE98ZCuL5EUDgd6oymQT0q5rIin-P4Lh5ff3XVyrsaKaD2zSgUFNvvFnnqFmu-jR6JW4NQFHJmdXwXulKjSf9cljeTPDZktyqTXwAP6qf65YcI/s400/Don%2527t+push+the+river+2.jpg" width="298" /></a><br />
<h3>
<b>So yes, we did it, we fetched the birth pool...</b><b>And no, we haven't had the opportunity to make use of it yet!</b></h3>
<br />
After <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2016/03/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-36.html" target="_blank">last week's crazy times</a>, things have definitely improved. <b>For starters I went for a full body pregnancy massage with <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Alison-Strauss-The-Massage-Specialist-217306841636927/" target="_blank">Alison Strauss</a> here in Westville, Durban. </b>It was so good to be able to lie on my belly and just be pampered for a bit! <b>I loved that it felt like she was truly working tension out of my muscles, but didn't hurt me at all. Heavenly!</b><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMnGr3pavWggZSgIs2Mfvo8zHB0ngyvfevRUgB382t4vVKk1qbCjfI3mbqFGVxpZPONr4J8rJF0hr3gfSoauKQ60xavSm-Pv_PpGNJZhOt_06Du7kiWV39ES7_TC7MuXCaeCx2mhIrWyQ/s1600/Birth+Pool+in+teh+car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMnGr3pavWggZSgIs2Mfvo8zHB0ngyvfevRUgB382t4vVKk1qbCjfI3mbqFGVxpZPONr4J8rJF0hr3gfSoauKQ60xavSm-Pv_PpGNJZhOt_06Du7kiWV39ES7_TC7MuXCaeCx2mhIrWyQ/s200/Birth+Pool+in+teh+car.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Birth pool in my car today...<br />
We may struggle to fit three car chairs in, <br />
but we can fit the birth pool with ease!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>I know she also does fertility massage, inducement and postpartum massage too... </b>I'm trusting I won't need the inducement version, but a postpartum massage sounds like it fits right in with my postpartum plans!<br />
<br />
<b>I think what got to me this last week was being confronted by all my 'deepnesses' - my innermost fears and weaknesses.</b> I remember reading a book once where the author suggested that many women struggle simultaneously with being both 'too much' and 'not enough':<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>I know I’m not alone in the nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. </i>- Stasi Eldredge</blockquote>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9R-JdTiHF2yxS5GbJv-22fHYQnCgC46e9bC-iXWrq6Y58OUgLadb_nAN2LF3nLrx6zI9GDk-qZvk1fKVkVWufdbcvqetTVRa4gNqa0_pUozr-cF4X3CbfSVVUyUKQZrF5GuOYKvQmX_M/s1600/I+can+do+it2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9R-JdTiHF2yxS5GbJv-22fHYQnCgC46e9bC-iXWrq6Y58OUgLadb_nAN2LF3nLrx6zI9GDk-qZvk1fKVkVWufdbcvqetTVRa4gNqa0_pUozr-cF4X3CbfSVVUyUKQZrF5GuOYKvQmX_M/s320/I+can+do+it2.jpg" width="252" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My younger daughter's contribution.<br />
With a little (requested) help from mom.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For me the 'not enough's would be: <b>not energetic enough, not consistent enough and not strong enough</b>, among others, and my 'too much's would be: <b>too passionate, too emotional, too deep, too sensitive, too intense, and for a touch of paradox, too strong...</b><br />
(As you can see I struggle more with the 'too much's.)<br />
<br />
<b>It has been especially difficult to find that my 'too much's and 'not enough's have caused pain to those I love.</b><br />
<br />
<b>Something in me wants to say I don't need affirmation from anyone, that I'll decide which of my lacks and excesses to embrace or accept or change, but as much as I believe in autonomy and independence, I am also passionate (there's that passion again!) about interdependence and empathy.</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz3DxKWFuCmdqi_xXmEcvJz0oDpHvvLaz-ae9CVTb_LMWBK8mswgBjoVLMvzGsJUvOVOz5dbBnAgfFOj-rmoZJzrI1NGtcchcKwvw6fqNvhlr4mDJqT8Zc-CUp60Sp8bKH9fxxMk0Gwxw/s1600/My+pelvis+releases+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz3DxKWFuCmdqi_xXmEcvJz0oDpHvvLaz-ae9CVTb_LMWBK8mswgBjoVLMvzGsJUvOVOz5dbBnAgfFOj-rmoZJzrI1NGtcchcKwvw6fqNvhlr4mDJqT8Zc-CUp60Sp8bKH9fxxMk0Gwxw/s320/My+pelvis+releases+2.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
<b>I'm grateful for a wonderful husband who gives me space to feel all my feels </b>- the highs and the lows, the poignant and the glorious - accepting that every emotion is valid as an expression of my experience, <b>and when I am able to express them without judgement, I am also freed from having to defend them and hold onto them to prove how justified I am in feeling them.</b><br />
<br />
Once all my turmoil is acknowledged and accepted, then I can start to see through the mist and perceive more accurately what is going on - <b>which are my genuine lacks and excesses and which are merely a matter of perspective?</b><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43yFcQDM49yXx94wGtkS4VUWs-Ae8qlTzalFnPtqoGmJu3T1bjEc8uqh10fkwcgeGJ130PpbrTwM0QepDRzlZ-5L4Any81o1be1DIizYlOm_CyDPubf6xh0mDR_BzmRqpWjmpahIkD_M/s1600/I+am+strong+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43yFcQDM49yXx94wGtkS4VUWs-Ae8qlTzalFnPtqoGmJu3T1bjEc8uqh10fkwcgeGJ130PpbrTwM0QepDRzlZ-5L4Any81o1be1DIizYlOm_CyDPubf6xh0mDR_BzmRqpWjmpahIkD_M/s320/I+am+strong+2.jpg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My eldest daughter's contribution <br />
to my birth affirmation wall.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Something that also helped me this last week <b>a mental image I had of myself in our swimming pool, holding onto the edge with both hands, as if about to start swimming backstroke. It was tiring and not fun at all, and I just pictured myself pushing off from the wall to float out into the middle of the pool - to surrender to the support of the water.</b> I've never been able to float in 'real life' but my daughter explained to me that you <b>'make your light parts heavy, and your heavy parts light'.</b> Sounds like good advice for life too.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAiq4iEmaXOXfUYd4ae0T1Lpefh_t0HEPk5tU-vast7IjAAgU8wO8Oj3lA4nPp8kQmeOB8x1CYeA7h10CN7D1TH5fRT8WRUmOu25zTMCfOl4a3Car3XOI5DiFLxb1__not96GCj98hrzI/s1600/Baby+Station+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAiq4iEmaXOXfUYd4ae0T1Lpefh_t0HEPk5tU-vast7IjAAgU8wO8Oj3lA4nPp8kQmeOB8x1CYeA7h10CN7D1TH5fRT8WRUmOu25zTMCfOl4a3Car3XOI5DiFLxb1__not96GCj98hrzI/s320/Baby+Station+2.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The baby station - changing mat, <br />
clothes, nappies and blankets <br />
with socks, hats and little bits <br />
in the hanging thingie.<br />
Birth supplies, hospital bag <br />
(just in case) and <br />
baby bag on the floor.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>The impending birth of a baby seems to bring out all these deepnesses quite relentlessly. </b>Even my husband has been struggling this week with a sense of something prodding right at the heart of his own perceived and real weaknesses. We've been able to recognise it for what it is, and <b>I've been able to hold space for him to feel and express, just as he has held that space for me. </b>After all of this, I do feel somewhat more ready for this birth. About time too!<br />
<br />
I'm officially on maternity leave now which is wonderful, although I do have one or two work things to finish up next week. <b>I really loved having my mom here to help gather some last supplies and finish a few projects,</b> Previously when my mom-in-law was here we managed to make some king size linen - we hadn't been able to afford enough initially - and with my mom here we managed to make a ring sling and a 'donut' - a padded floor cushion for baby.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg0oz9cdvA6ASdSkc2v9DLoL8GX4f9YQg-dpDnJOlv4uNHVJpXLueZ_oh-n60vJo_e050840FWVcdEgH6HKv5vYZd62Yi5X0ylQAwnhZPHdMCA-apkVGkNgusRMTjKFRwA6ZWZQQpbWGg/s1600/The+Quilt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg0oz9cdvA6ASdSkc2v9DLoL8GX4f9YQg-dpDnJOlv4uNHVJpXLueZ_oh-n60vJo_e050840FWVcdEgH6HKv5vYZd62Yi5X0ylQAwnhZPHdMCA-apkVGkNgusRMTjKFRwA6ZWZQQpbWGg/s400/The+Quilt.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The quilt so far - just needs three more strips.<br />
BonBon approves!</td></tr>
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<b>I also got some more shirts from the thrift shop to cut up for my bedroom rug, and got my sewing machine fixed so I can finish the quilt.</b> I've made peace with the possibility that the quilt won't be done in time - but you can see the pic to see how far I've managed to get! I just need three more strips like those you can see and then I'll have enough.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFqMJUARI0pLhF_vFmDEDJcqKa0YPn9YDjFKdHjPMd6HH6za87aVErEAFuaffGu21fZh8QWw3HuKjXnRMTNbuT7Ryp8OFwvEtpYCFv6J4Mr_j84JbGWDtE3_kgwtapHlfnC03AmVavR7Q/s1600/38+weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFqMJUARI0pLhF_vFmDEDJcqKa0YPn9YDjFKdHjPMd6HH6za87aVErEAFuaffGu21fZh8QWw3HuKjXnRMTNbuT7Ryp8OFwvEtpYCFv6J4Mr_j84JbGWDtE3_kgwtapHlfnC03AmVavR7Q/s400/38+weeks.jpg" width="118" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup, that's me <br />
with the hobbity <br />
looking feet :-)</td></tr>
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I also saw Arlen again this last week - when I went to go fetch the birth pool. It is always so good to see her and talk through options and ideas. <b>That is one thing I love about midwifery care - appointments are long enough to build a relationship of sorts. She can become familiar with my priorities and strengths and weaknesses</b>, which means that the care I receive depends as much on who I am as it does on numbers and the measurements related to this pregnancy and birth, rather than being predominantly 'numbers' based as I found with my first baby.<br />
<br />
<b>With a belly this size, everyone wants to know when I'm due </b>- I just say I've a few more weeks to go. <b>I keep it vague</b> because people usually don't remember the exact date anyway, and <b>I also want to maintain my own headspace of letting things happen as they happen.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJ_GipvWXbz7nOcmVtw2YsRXVQQVUdFp6NpTbO9BwSCNqUnoERQpgLnR_jelrU9HxIqUi_v56by2u9rcT1nV7sG2Vny2OSKXgeBScl8qmwgcfjYB9tGV_YB26eNl9ev30oGjFky1ptKM/s1600/Me+and+My+girls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaJ_GipvWXbz7nOcmVtw2YsRXVQQVUdFp6NpTbO9BwSCNqUnoERQpgLnR_jelrU9HxIqUi_v56by2u9rcT1nV7sG2Vny2OSKXgeBScl8qmwgcfjYB9tGV_YB26eNl9ev30oGjFky1ptKM/s320/Me+and+My+girls.jpg" width="166" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my girls...</td></tr>
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<b>I had a chance to meet with some ladies to chat about our upcoming births </b>- including things we had struggled with previously, as well as our expectations and fears for the births and babies we are currently awaiting. <b>It was great to meet with like minded ladies to share encouragement and be encouraged!</b><br />
<br />
<b>So the question on everyone's minds is, 'When will this baby come?' </b>It would be nice if we knew, but it's also refreshing that this is one of those times where you just have to wait. At my last checkup baby hadn't engaged yet - perfectly normal and expected for subsequent pregnancies - but<b> my belly has dropped a bit since, and I get the oddest 'burrowing' sensations in my pelvis</b>, so in that sense things are moving on.<br />
<br />
<b>I'm also getting some reasonably strong Braxton-Hicks contractions through the day, and some that wake me in the night, but again, nothing concrete.</b><br />
<br />
My second baby arrived at 38 weeks on the dot, after a week of prodromal labour, but my first came at just past 40 weeks, so really, who knows!<br />
<br />
<b>So yeah, we just have to wait and embrace the process!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6K4nCuRR2swDYJyk3YWj-zlieQtuECytGQlXX7TpBf-latRtJ-VvTn9vgOS4JN8i6fQhuWiPBrQsBiJcI8l-dE_tUa6sFBNRJ-Ry6sEw3Y-WA2W0Wto-3UwyZv311q7gjVXCA2Nbq4Fw/s1600/Let+go+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6K4nCuRR2swDYJyk3YWj-zlieQtuECytGQlXX7TpBf-latRtJ-VvTn9vgOS4JN8i6fQhuWiPBrQsBiJcI8l-dE_tUa6sFBNRJ-Ry6sEw3Y-WA2W0Wto-3UwyZv311q7gjVXCA2Nbq4Fw/s320/Let+go+2.jpg" width="248" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finally finished this one!</td></tr>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>Make sure you are following me on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Giving-Birth-Naturally-Making-Informed-Choices-and-Enjoying-Parenthood-187938061226503/" target="_blank">Giving Birth Naturally</a>, </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>or on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/durbandoula" target="_blank">@DurbanDoula</a> so you don't miss any announcements!</b></i></div>
Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-26547531895942323322016-03-11T06:01:00.002-08:002016-03-13T23:28:12.512-07:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary Week 36<h3>
Crazy two weeks!</h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGpMKuy_OLloZD96H8sl7vSQEU1AwM6J5OEP0JB324tPZSL-KWqQ_5IdbY1gSsvjG2qZTp9hJzVe8HET1gL4tdw9sjSNKO2zX6rmjPrpGZQb_t3X4RJ6D1bq3JW24_AjQ4mKxDrB9czg/s1600/12795380_10153291875912181_4490457777001087653_n+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGpMKuy_OLloZD96H8sl7vSQEU1AwM6J5OEP0JB324tPZSL-KWqQ_5IdbY1gSsvjG2qZTp9hJzVe8HET1gL4tdw9sjSNKO2zX6rmjPrpGZQb_t3X4RJ6D1bq3JW24_AjQ4mKxDrB9czg/s320/12795380_10153291875912181_4490457777001087653_n+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
'While I breath I hope'<br />A little custom made pendant</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
I ordered from Tanja at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Whatnots-116874385064485/" target="_blank">Whatnots</a>.</div>
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So glad I had it this week!</div>
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<b>Thursday and Friday were utterly horrible days for me - big ugly crying in front of my eldest daughter's teacher,</b> with youngest daughter in tow, after having her teacher tut-tutting and shaking her head at eldest daughter's being late again,<b> bursting into fresh sobs while dropping youngest off </b>after making her late by taking time to compose myself before going in, <b>trying to get through the shop with bloodshot eyes and blotchy face, missing eldest one's race at the gala and sitting in the sun with swollen belly and ankles for two hours before realising it, </b>and wading through puppy poo at home <b>while trying to create some semblance of productivity.</b> <b>I was really struggling to maintain any sense of dignity, all the while fighting off a sense of terror as I wondered how I was going to manage with three.
</b><br />
<br />
I'm not a person to wish days away, but <b>by the time it got to Friday afternoon, I was shattered. </b>I usually also detest complaining about the weather - but it has been so hot here the last few days, and <b>I have really been struggling with not being able to keep cool</b> - and I'm sure that didn't help my state of mind. Actually, I'm convinced that was part of the problem - <b>the heat and sweat and stickiness, and construction happening at work and at home, along with a pack of puppies about to leave for their forever homes making a noise and leaving little gifts down the passage all seemed to contribute to total sensory overload. </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4l4XZDQSAUHik-viUVDy7ZATRxwlWomTG7SO4OBwuDMY8IBrQOSD1XilIkvcSq_TCLUlOaFsjfAE5xdIajGqpDIFz-4YDZQWgUBNLKNZ6db8HVKHDc3bl13wPp8ZcAUi8B8NQ750x6VU/s1600/12829148_10153294627132181_6931675350901511507_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4l4XZDQSAUHik-viUVDy7ZATRxwlWomTG7SO4OBwuDMY8IBrQOSD1XilIkvcSq_TCLUlOaFsjfAE5xdIajGqpDIFz-4YDZQWgUBNLKNZ6db8HVKHDc3bl13wPp8ZcAUi8B8NQ750x6VU/s320/12829148_10153294627132181_6931675350901511507_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quilt offcuts - my brain feels like this right now!</td></tr>
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Furthermore, <b>I have been experiencing the reality of pregnancy porridge brain</b> - making totally random and utterly silly mistakes that I wouldn't usually make. <b>I really felt that someone should just lock me away - preferably in a room with padded everything and Netflix and Magnum Chocolate Ice Cream</b> - because the combination of absent mindedness and lack of patience just wasn't helping anyone.<br />
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<b>I feel like the lack of patience and acute vulnerability is also partly because I'm dealing with some intense stuff inside</b> - acknowledging this big transition about to take place, but leaving space for things to happen in their own time and in their own way -<b> I've just felt somewhat emotionally depleted and where I would usually have a lot more patience with my girls, and a lot more empathy for people around me, I've just found I don't have the emotional resources for much more than self-preservation </b>- which has made me even more grumpy as I don't see myself as an impatient person.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvNfGXB8f9Yrua2EviLz36ftwzx42WQYUfW81cFeYZONSBn_qjnLt5iubH41iYqEhm8dTEe6sGFR5J7LyKNqn4_FeknJhEGZ3EMzK79GdFau5hrMAe1eVmI4X6bBIJEZu0HuCJh3xTCdE/s1600/20160305095253.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvNfGXB8f9Yrua2EviLz36ftwzx42WQYUfW81cFeYZONSBn_qjnLt5iubH41iYqEhm8dTEe6sGFR5J7LyKNqn4_FeknJhEGZ3EMzK79GdFau5hrMAe1eVmI4X6bBIJEZu0HuCJh3xTCdE/s320/20160305095253.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blue fluffies for the baby!</td></tr>
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<b>Saturday was somewhat redeemed when my in-laws came over to help us with some DIY tasks around the house, and then of course there was my surprise baby shower.</b> It was so lovely to see my circle of ladies and I was thoroughly spoiled. When I was sorting out some of the clothes we'd received with hubby later that evening, he was freaking out just a little bit as it seems to bring home the idea that there will be another little person to take care of soon.<br />
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<b>I think the fact that we've had one or two (or three or four) large unexpected expenses combined with some financial setbacks in the last couple of weeks, as well as increased work pressure in some areas, might be weighing on him too</b>, so we just keep reminding each other that everything is going to be OK.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0ukH-xhHQumP1Zsu7ZyBRmQfv0IyMGFSOV_afL2vYqG7q3AZXAoSHoXELifD7esVtvcxAKAVdC7-gepA7sGOHWzdMzEpkNl0JqF_27gaTT04B3L7XLsno4TPmhhSdDjwVCDVLvNKWLkw/s1600/DSC_0692.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0ukH-xhHQumP1Zsu7ZyBRmQfv0IyMGFSOV_afL2vYqG7q3AZXAoSHoXELifD7esVtvcxAKAVdC7-gepA7sGOHWzdMzEpkNl0JqF_27gaTT04B3L7XLsno4TPmhhSdDjwVCDVLvNKWLkw/s320/DSC_0692.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quilt sections ready for sewing...</td></tr>
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<b>If my overlocker hadn't given up the ghost </b>I might finally be able to show you my finished bedspread, but it looks like I'm going to have to go manual on this one... Watch this space for next week though!<br />
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<b>I think my in-laws could see I was quite tired on Saturday evening, so they took the girls to stay with them for two nights </b>which was really great for us as it gave us a little down time after the hectic week we'd had. On Sunday afternoon, I managed to get the energy together to do a little retail therapy and get some bits and bobs that we still needed after the baby shower, as well as some supplies for our home birth - linen savers and the like. <b>I used Sunday afternoon to sort out our 'baby station' - a wardrobe without doors in our room that will be a changing station and storage area for the baby - so I am feeling a bit more ready for things now.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJk3g42P6sRoexr59eC0533ggCrxQyqNUojBDNm6lDgzLIeTqaFI3al4GON8KgIYbE3jvQhW5u4j4gijT3MsbrqEAuiYJB7mrjcfK4RNdVEXGfaM7d4ayNqMZadzIwbUmm3eNq1JqO5g/s1600/12829401_555784201253341_4614728486445365109_o+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJk3g42P6sRoexr59eC0533ggCrxQyqNUojBDNm6lDgzLIeTqaFI3al4GON8KgIYbE3jvQhW5u4j4gijT3MsbrqEAuiYJB7mrjcfK4RNdVEXGfaM7d4ayNqMZadzIwbUmm3eNq1JqO5g/s400/12829401_555784201253341_4614728486445365109_o+%25281%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sneak peek from our maternity shoot with <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Sarah-Jane-Photography-109032829261816/" target="_blank">Sarah-Jane</a>!<br />
My gorgeous girls looking so angelic, even though the oldest had been <br />
vomiting since the night before... Oh the joys!</td></tr>
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<b>So yeah, like I said, it's been a crazy couple of weeks - my inner introvert is making herself known, so I'm really looking forward to maternity leave... </b>I'm trusting for an easier couple of weeks after a very vulnerable and emotional last two weeks. <b>Other than that, baby is fine! Growing and keeping me awake at night with his happy feet... What a privilege to grow a little life inside your own body! </b><br />
<b>We're also hoping to do my belly cast this weekend, just hubby and I. Watch this space!</b>Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-54811081802470335862016-03-04T05:59:00.000-08:002016-03-04T05:59:08.112-08:00Durban Doula Pregnancy Diary Week 34<b>The weeks just seem to fly by!</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinyxzP3IlgNh47bUvTCkVS0qhJoW-YC1Rln7aUxCyig8Gcnw2qbt68L6Pt5zMujQ5tRuXRGxZkmyNga0I2PnSVIJW0VX_5U_rD3eLuD0_cAx41F43GxVlZOiUGq6ydcuALAG0i7VKyxxk/s1600/BedRest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinyxzP3IlgNh47bUvTCkVS0qhJoW-YC1Rln7aUxCyig8Gcnw2qbt68L6Pt5zMujQ5tRuXRGxZkmyNga0I2PnSVIJW0VX_5U_rD3eLuD0_cAx41F43GxVlZOiUGq6ydcuALAG0i7VKyxxk/s320/BedRest.jpg" width="320" /></a>I don't feel like there's much to report at this stage. even my weekly pregnancy update emails from BabyCentre seem to just tell me that <b>baby is growing by half a block of butter a week - 230g to be precise</b>. It's not quite as exciting as hearing that baby has just grown fingers, or baby can close his eyes, or that baby has a functioning four chamber heart, but good news nonetheless!<br />
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<b>Having said that, we have finally decided on a name. </b>We've had the basic idea in place for a while, and <b>we're even expanding to include a second name</b> - neither myself nor hubby have a second name, and neither do either of the girls, so it's something new for us. (English teachers are welcome to correct my 'neither-nor' grammar on that one if necessary!)<br />
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<b>Like I mentioned in a previous post, we wanted reasonably old fashioned names with appropriate meanings, that could be easily pronounced in English and Afrikaans.</b> So unless we get some writing on the wall, we've settled on a name, but we'll only announce the name once baby is born - <b>so make sure you follow us on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/durbandoula" target="_blank">@DurbanDoula</a> or on Facebook at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Giving-Birth-Naturally-Making-Informed-Choices-and-Enjoying-Parenthood-187938061226503/" target="_blank">Giving Birth Naturally</a> to keep up with any potential announcements!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayOj0JgYFDVqA4JZzdndTgeTFHQuXnQ-gfNuJf5GbpGXEwDYLQ1NShDdoi_yyvNr9pZ-iukG1vtjWZLUJWPArJXBJBKn1BjywOecGGAbMQjYKI7cxQbkc4yi8UQoklsUjOm_90xoaSdc/s1600/Wall+Decor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayOj0JgYFDVqA4JZzdndTgeTFHQuXnQ-gfNuJf5GbpGXEwDYLQ1NShDdoi_yyvNr9pZ-iukG1vtjWZLUJWPArJXBJBKn1BjywOecGGAbMQjYKI7cxQbkc4yi8UQoklsUjOm_90xoaSdc/s320/Wall+Decor.jpg" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">Some wall decor I collected from the thrift shop<br />and some end-of-range specials.</td></tr>
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<b>Part of the birth photography prize I won a while back includes a mini maternity shoot </b>- so I met with the photographer, Sarah-Jane from <a href="http://www.sarahjanephotography.co.za/" target="_blank">Sarah-Jane Photography</a>, and we chatted about our various expectations for the birth, and ideas for the maternity shoot this coming week. I'm quite excited about it - it's amazing how each pregnancy and photographer and circumstance so far has resulted in two very different maternity shoots, so<b> I can't wait to see how this one is going to turn out!</b><br />
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<b>The nesting thing hasn't left me, I'm working furiously on my quilt that I started before I was even pregnant with my first.</b> I was working on it when I went into labour with my second and I haven't done much on it since. We're not intending on having another baby, and <b>as much as the pink duvet cover we've had since we were newly married has served us well, I think it's time for a change!</b><br />
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Besides that, <b>I've been trying to cook up double and triple batches of dinner whenever I can, and freezing them for after the birth.</b> To be honest though, we've already used a couple of them when I've had a particularly draining day - but I suppose that's what they are there for!<br />
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We have a local butchery that sells oxtail for a fraction of the price of the regular grocery stores, so I've been cooking up this most delicious recipe in my pressure cooker:<br />
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<a href="http://taste.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/slow-cooked-oxtail-and-beans-1175-400x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://taste.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/slow-cooked-oxtail-and-beans-1175-400x400.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="http://taste.co.za/recipes/slow-cooked-oxtail-and-beans/" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="http://taste.co.za/recipes/slow-cooked-oxtail-and-beans/" target="_blank"><b>Slow Cooked Oxtail and Beans</b></a><br />
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<b>I brown the meat first then add all the extras and pop it in our automatic pressure cooker for 90min, instead of the 10 hour cooking time recommended here.</b> I also only add 1/3 of the water to the stock, and even that still feels like a little too much, so I have to cook some off, but it is truly delicious, and very nutritious! And it freezes well too!<br />
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Another recipe I've referred to before is my 24hour chicken soup recipe - actually I have two, this one:<br />
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<a href="http://sharonglasgow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/chicken-soup-3-007-890x667.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://sharonglasgow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/chicken-soup-3-007-890x667.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a><a href="http://sharonglasgow.com/2013/01/the-healing-recipe-chicken-soup/" target="_blank"><b>The Healing Recipe - Chicken Soup</b></a><br />
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I use this one more often than the next one, just out of habit, and once I've taken the chicken bones out, I liquidise it with all the vegetables still in it, and <b>my girls who are usually picky about vegetables absolutely love it </b>- I can't seem to keep up! They call it swamp soup. (#momwin)<br />
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And this one:<br />
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<a href="http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/2013/02/08/heal-all-chicken-soup-recipe/" target="_blank"><b>Heal-all Chicken Soup Recipe</b></a><br />
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<b>I love the lemony light flavour </b>of this one but I've had problems with bitterness the last couple of times I've made it - but I think I'll give it another go. (<i>Update: </i>Got it right this time! Not sure what the difference was but it worked!)<br />
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<b>With both of these soups, I try to keep portions in my freezer at all times, so that as soon as anyone reports feeling even mildly ill, I've got some ready to go.</b> You can see why these chicken soup recipes are the obvious choice for postpartum healing too...<br />
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<b>My other mainstay is a bolognaise sauce recipe that I learned from my mom, that she learned from my Italian godmother.</b> I'm sure it's changed somewhat over the years, but I absolutely love it on some gluten free pasta, or in a gluten free lasagne (made with zucchini or aubergine layers instead of pasta), with a little parmesan cheese over the top it is super yum!<b> Although, I am generally of the opinion that many dishes are improved with a little parmesan cheese on top!</b> I keep promising myself I'll write the recipe down, and when I do, you'll be the first to know.<br />
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I'm also researching some other postpartum healing and nourishing recipes, so if you have any good ones, or good sources, please do pass them on!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtQPUwkjZXo1w1mN3x63gdl_J6WVdVIf4qywnm945W_qJJA306rFpelmzCapv_SQ0BTMz0Lfk3IRrBEqbM0aErlGl3xTe5aZuAhV2scyoaz_DUOA9kEBxfXkoIowvNfF4Xw3i_3g2Af8/s1600/nourishing+foods.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtQPUwkjZXo1w1mN3x63gdl_J6WVdVIf4qywnm945W_qJJA306rFpelmzCapv_SQ0BTMz0Lfk3IRrBEqbM0aErlGl3xTe5aZuAhV2scyoaz_DUOA9kEBxfXkoIowvNfF4Xw3i_3g2Af8/s400/nourishing+foods.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>I'm actively trying to plan for a healthy babymoon period this time. I think many cases of postpartum depression, and postpartum fatigue, are the result of insufficient rest and recuperation after birth.</b> I understand that in our current social climate, the option to have a good rest after birth is a massive privilege, but I feel it should really be part of basic healthcare because it can have such far reaching consequences.<br />
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<b>In some cases I think it is mothers themselves who accept the pressure to act and appear as if they didn't just have a human being emerge from their bellies</b> - because that is so often what people fixate on in the postpartum period - "Oh, you don't even look like you just had a baby!" comments abound, where magazine headlines point out the tiniest postpartum bump, or laud the mothers who lost their babyweight and were seen pumping weights at the gym within a week or two.<br />
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<b>It's all part of a culture that often sees children as an inconvenience to be managed, rather than little people, and mothers as liabilities to the economy, rather than guardians of a future generation.</b><br />
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<b>Well, where I can, I will start making that change in my own life. </b>Having recovered from Adrenal Fatigue after my last pregnancy, I've learned the value of <a href="http://twocentpearls.blogspot.co.za/2015/04/yolo-fomo-heck-no.html" target="_blank">self-care</a>.<br />
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<b>So hubby and I have chatted about ways for me to stay in bed as much as possible in the first few weeks, even with two older children around to be fed and clothed and lifted to school and back. </b>That will look different for each person, but for us that includes investing in a little more healthy convenience food than I would usually buy, and some quick trail mix type snacks for me, setting up a baby station in our room, and making use of herbal baths and herbal infusions on a regular basis. <b>I'm also making sure to put up a school run schedule that another family member or friend could collect them if necessary, as well as a list of 'chores' aka service opportunities for any visitors...</b><br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTuGd18Fz2vxq24YkkwK574ELmzZZ_aETBGSkerLfXFy6kiA2oOaiGDdStYZk9RprIkX6QunnuaBD4aR5ILd3WSAWw0tuwCy14CNB1TVtIYQxL2gjiIDoTBP4Bb8IKQunRu9LCgqqHhJ0/s1600/photo-1446569971295-057569541991.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTuGd18Fz2vxq24YkkwK574ELmzZZ_aETBGSkerLfXFy6kiA2oOaiGDdStYZk9RprIkX6QunnuaBD4aR5ILd3WSAWw0tuwCy14CNB1TVtIYQxL2gjiIDoTBP4Bb8IKQunRu9LCgqqHhJ0/s400/photo-1446569971295-057569541991.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Community makes all the difference!</td></tr>
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<b>Obviously the cooking ahead also helps, as does the fact that hubby is great at packing lunches and getting kids to school. </b>Fortunately we do have some external help with laundry and cleaning, and a great family and church community around us that we can call on for help where needed. <b>Hubby will be in charge of setting and enforcing visiting hours - even though we are having a homebirth, and perhaps especially because we are having a home birth. </b><br />
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<b>Maybe if moms and potential moms and their families see the benefits of an intentional babymoon, they may be inspired to make space for themselves and others to do likewise...</b><br />
Many cultures around the world have mandatory periods of rest before and after birth where the new mother is fed special nourishing food, massaged and looked after, and her usual household duties are taken care of so she can save her energy and attention for herself and her baby. <b>I think we could learn a lot!</b><br />
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<b>Beyond that, shoelaces are evil. Catch you next time!</b>Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-63546966322093653992016-02-14T23:03:00.004-08:002016-02-14T23:06:35.431-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary Week 32 - Aching for Beauty<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQii96B8A2PYZ475YRGHP5eRokqniJGsxzlm0tmuDrFWueP0OO-4JzRaDGYEGURatEcDKferTB2538lHQ3dsoVx0WKtZ3FXW4GPkT1uCH8nFrLcVqmuotPjxZaP3srVwrC0Kh5TSQqgy0/s1600/BBeautifully+in+over+my+head+-+Splashtype3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQii96B8A2PYZ475YRGHP5eRokqniJGsxzlm0tmuDrFWueP0OO-4JzRaDGYEGURatEcDKferTB2538lHQ3dsoVx0WKtZ3FXW4GPkT1uCH8nFrLcVqmuotPjxZaP3srVwrC0Kh5TSQqgy0/s320/BBeautifully+in+over+my+head+-+Splashtype3.jpg" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image via Unsplash <br />
Typography by Instagrammer <a href="https://www.instagram.com/evamwinters/" target="_blank">evamwinters</a><br />
Lyrics from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mAvt3CxEQM" target="_blank">'In Over my Head'</a></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaUtWXRRiqDIfB5uVMcXKLWxVbGgiq8Y2zyPtuiwpsTBikrBpNxsd2KZ9C7SNM2B2OYlu84CqD1LHnUMYLhH8W5bkk1oo-AzLxRd6PaRMXy98HraO_Z_MIOZ8_AXasBGLqy8sKIwCOflg/s1600/DSC_0365.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBJFMAr37Or-Zgxr2V42xScjP_KAvDmpTWHopOGH568icUqcwlc-vIrG9Rv0JghF2U9iXCD1LCNscCTTiMEInXHSEy0DOZ0AHWmS1-sIg0yrU3SrmXNiHIsPzd9Yz2jjgcIQX0zAYVGV4/s1600/IMG_20160210_161851.jpg" imageanchor="1"></a><br />
<b>Aching for beauty...</b><br />
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But before we get to that, I've been having some funny moments where <b>people ask how far I've got to go, and when I say, 'About 9 weeks,' their eyebrows climb up their foreheads and they say, 'Oh!'</b><br />
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Now you see, <b>I'm never sure what they mean by that.</b> 'Oh! I thought you looked ready to pop!' or 'Oh! You don't even look like you're half way!' Either way, I don't really care what they think.<b> I feel great and I love my belly - It's the only time in my life I get to have some curves! </b>But I giggle internally every time I get that response.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbuISZh6oO9zC1-yU8FihNOviym_B6HASZNU-13XLAEE-Ev4u3EyBaSGkgDEGQSwN5Xu7HT7t_w6GCrfDftnHbOuBjorTUx79BVH8Bq9WfX5GnQdeWAhZ1qnXlBV5UH2Q3rNcq9ogpb2o/s1600/450px-Sacroiliac_joint.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbuISZh6oO9zC1-yU8FihNOviym_B6HASZNU-13XLAEE-Ev4u3EyBaSGkgDEGQSwN5Xu7HT7t_w6GCrfDftnHbOuBjorTUx79BVH8Bq9WfX5GnQdeWAhZ1qnXlBV5UH2Q3rNcq9ogpb2o/s320/450px-Sacroiliac_joint.svg.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=14606906" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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Having said that, <b>this belly has been giving me some backache </b>when I try to walk after I've been sitting or lying still for a while. Each time I put weight on my right leg it felt like my sacroiliac joint was going to give way. (See diagram if you're not sure where that is.) <b>My pelvis was feeling like a cheap jigsaw puzzle that just doesn't want to fit properly - each time you press on one side, it pops out on another side.</b><br />
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I'm sure the fact that baby is now around 1.7kg in weight and about 42.5cm tall has something to do with that!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaUtWXRRiqDIfB5uVMcXKLWxVbGgiq8Y2zyPtuiwpsTBikrBpNxsd2KZ9C7SNM2B2OYlu84CqD1LHnUMYLhH8W5bkk1oo-AzLxRd6PaRMXy98HraO_Z_MIOZ8_AXasBGLqy8sKIwCOflg/s1600/DSC_0365.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaUtWXRRiqDIfB5uVMcXKLWxVbGgiq8Y2zyPtuiwpsTBikrBpNxsd2KZ9C7SNM2B2OYlu84CqD1LHnUMYLhH8W5bkk1oo-AzLxRd6PaRMXy98HraO_Z_MIOZ8_AXasBGLqy8sKIwCOflg/s320/DSC_0365.jpg" width="90" /></a>I<b> remember having this problem last time only at around 38 weeks, but I was much fitter last time and I was teaching ballet right up until 37 weeks, </b>where now I spend most of my work day in front of a computer. <b>Going to see a chiropractor really helped then. It probably saved me from a c-section actually.</b> So I got some recommendations and went to see a local chiro here in Westville - Dr Jacob Nell.<br />
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<b>He made some astute connections between my breathing habits and weaker core muscles due to pregnancy.</b> I tend to do chest breathing rather than abdominal breathing - a bad habit of mine exacerbated by chest tightness related to a wheat allergy. <b>He also made a connection between my latent jaw tension and the pelvic imbalance. He did some releases on my neck and pelvis </b>and I've been working on keeping my jaw relaxed by touching my tongue to the back of my teeth and manually stretching my jaw, <b>as well as practicing diaphragmatic breathing and making sure I'm staying on top of my magnesium intake and it is feeling much better. </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4JUTFjBBZjBInQVz5mnY5fQkvl9Zh8FSflICOedpyipTLewlisNU8EV0p3I7_tnN5Inzs8WjOmvBOFjoWRx32tVXTQSfLr_eqUr9mSk1J_BDu_NzhWRhxLzEg1MnmcavtCYkqtXqFwJo/s1600/24+hour+chicken+soup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4JUTFjBBZjBInQVz5mnY5fQkvl9Zh8FSflICOedpyipTLewlisNU8EV0p3I7_tnN5Inzs8WjOmvBOFjoWRx32tVXTQSfLr_eqUr9mSk1J_BDu_NzhWRhxLzEg1MnmcavtCYkqtXqFwJo/s200/24+hour+chicken+soup.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My 24-hour healing chicken soup!<br />
(<a href="http://sharonglasgow.com/2013/01/the-healing-recipe-chicken-soup/" target="_blank">Recipe here.</a>)</td></tr>
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<b>Another contributing factor is a lovely big pregnancy pillow my mom-in-law made me.</b> It's a long sausage shaped one that I'll eventually use as a cosleeper i.e. place the sausage shaped pillow along the edge of the bed, with a cover that goes around the pillow and under mom and baby, and you have a safe cosleeping space. <b>That is if I can get it back from my hubby - he claims it's not a pregnancy pillow - it's just a cuddle pillow and everyone should have one.</b><br />
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<b>I've had another ache this week too. I know it sounds a bit odd, but I've been aching for beauty...</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBJFMAr37Or-Zgxr2V42xScjP_KAvDmpTWHopOGH568icUqcwlc-vIrG9Rv0JghF2U9iXCD1LCNscCTTiMEInXHSEy0DOZ0AHWmS1-sIg0yrU3SrmXNiHIsPzd9Yz2jjgcIQX0zAYVGV4/s1600/IMG_20160210_161851.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBJFMAr37Or-Zgxr2V42xScjP_KAvDmpTWHopOGH568icUqcwlc-vIrG9Rv0JghF2U9iXCD1LCNscCTTiMEInXHSEy0DOZ0AHWmS1-sIg0yrU3SrmXNiHIsPzd9Yz2jjgcIQX0zAYVGV4/s200/IMG_20160210_161851.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our haul of sweet potatoes <br />
from our garden!<br />
These things make me happy!</td></tr>
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<b>I often tell moms towards the end of pregnancy that it is a time for seeking pleasure.</b> When I apply it to myself, something in me has an immediate, 'Yes, But...' reaction. <b>So often women, and especially mothers, have difficulty seeking pleasure.</b> It feels so... so selfish, so hedonistic. I know it's not just me.<br />
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<b>Pregnant ladies have a bit of a tightrope to walk. We don't want to be seen as sick or disabled, or a liability to our employers, so we pretend that the growing belly doesn't even exist. </b>We work hard to try to keep up and prove ourselves worthy, all the while growing a whole other human being within our bodies. I totally get that pressure.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfML5nzSVQS6UyAlbOJTIQZkLnydjTS3bBgyjYYreEqMcR05Mj8CO2uqoNQAYXImXPl_i9MlgGcLfHSel8L6eBkLQQMnezzHMYPgzenOm_akgfKqWWaJnhMNxqWRYye3PAw9dlcbszwUo/s1600/DSC_0368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfML5nzSVQS6UyAlbOJTIQZkLnydjTS3bBgyjYYreEqMcR05Mj8CO2uqoNQAYXImXPl_i9MlgGcLfHSel8L6eBkLQQMnezzHMYPgzenOm_akgfKqWWaJnhMNxqWRYye3PAw9dlcbszwUo/s200/DSC_0368.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That pouf I was working on...</td></tr>
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<b>But at the same time, society needs to acknowledge growing a human being is not an easy task, but a vitally important one! </b>Ask any country suffering from decreasing birth rates and an aging population!<b> I truly believe pregnant women should be cherished and nurtured during this time of expansion and transition. Giving your whole body over to this new person, never to be the same again, is a demanding task physically, mentally and emotionally, and one that deserves recognition.</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNhFC1wVpd2q12kUWaefOGgdbwqg19qRcmJQi3oyAryC-Nye3PRe14wwatzwjhvMepOux85TPpHIVCAozuP8Ao0pYeEP98zsa6QOJfByr3KMYpnPE2stRsOuUgsDZ29GxAi3zxcjbjlo/s1600/Slide01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNhFC1wVpd2q12kUWaefOGgdbwqg19qRcmJQi3oyAryC-Nye3PRe14wwatzwjhvMepOux85TPpHIVCAozuP8Ao0pYeEP98zsa6QOJfByr3KMYpnPE2stRsOuUgsDZ29GxAi3zxcjbjlo/s320/Slide01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>Cherishing the mother is one way to love the baby she is carrying. </b>She is not merely a detached vessel - she and the baby form a unit, a symbiotic organism for now, and their combined health should be seen as having utmost importance.<br />
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<b>I have an incredible husband who wholeheartedly acknowledges this idea.</b> He encourages me to take time and space for myself in the busy-ness of raising two children and working full time - <b>and actually puts legs to his encouragement by doing the capable parent thing with great enthusiasm.</b><br />
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<b>So what does it mean to ache for beauty?</b><br />
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<b>It's as if something inside me yearns to saturate my senses with joy - and to go beyond that and create things that bring joy to those around me. </b>Maybe it has something to do with nesting? I don't know.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5nPBsUgM5-iqVDs2ef0DxIHx5ZDS0DH1znPOdk97K9uRZHDPMSj80BzgP08kM0DI_UxiattbQRH5w9PL652qOApb14ccZ5KEaJA7EHWdnV-gs4ODN4LXhIxByX-dpD863y9D1XmEnQ9I/s1600/DSC_0370.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5nPBsUgM5-iqVDs2ef0DxIHx5ZDS0DH1znPOdk97K9uRZHDPMSj80BzgP08kM0DI_UxiattbQRH5w9PL652qOApb14ccZ5KEaJA7EHWdnV-gs4ODN4LXhIxByX-dpD863y9D1XmEnQ9I/s400/DSC_0370.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My herb garden - doing quite well <a href="http://dirtyhandscleanfood.blogspot.co.za/2015/07/where-to-plant-your-herb-garden-6-tips.html" target="_blank">since I started it</a>!<br />
Geraniums, Lemon, Pennyroyal, Lovage, Rosemary,<br />
Basil, Thyme, Lemon Grass, Yarrow, Burdock, Curry Leaf,<br />
Fennnel, Dill, Rocket, Purslane, Echinacea, Calendula,<br />
Coriander, Parsley, Sage, Lemon Balm, Thyme <br />
and Stevia! Phew!<br />
This, too, saturates and satisfies my senses and makes me happy.</td></tr>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv30IGNnJWAxHGQxBqw_Ge-A46N-6RAJrUk7ck-N7wA4sVp_0owRvU6RQhtIRkHE0OqR9yR8e_GvFo_v_ciqpKISgqC8lQ_0FgzJFG9dddzsG6O3Ea-WDdX0G0qVBL-YpGqFe7Ptad7S8/s1600/20150616_130158C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv30IGNnJWAxHGQxBqw_Ge-A46N-6RAJrUk7ck-N7wA4sVp_0owRvU6RQhtIRkHE0OqR9yR8e_GvFo_v_ciqpKISgqC8lQ_0FgzJFG9dddzsG6O3Ea-WDdX0G0qVBL-YpGqFe7Ptad7S8/s320/20150616_130158C.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I made the wall hanging many years ago, <br />along with a couple of the other items on the dresser, <br />while the rest consists of found objects, <br />gifts and indoor plants... <br />I love these collections of my favourite things! </td></tr>
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But I can see this impulse in action in how I choose to spend my snatched moments of down time - <b>cooking nourishing chicken soups to freeze, upcycling old t-shirts into a pouf for the lounge, colouring in my pregnancy affirmations, working on my quilt, sorting out my herb garden, filling my house with indoor plants...</b> these things bring me great satisfaction, and in a sense each of them is a way of bringing order out of chaos, in the same way that my body is growing a baby.<br />
<br />
So what are some of the other ways I am going to seek pleasure over the next few weeks? (Other than the list above!)<br />
Here are my super budget ideas:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Bath by Candlelight</b> - with some Epsom Salts mixed in for a magnesium boost.</li>
<li><b>Pick flowers</b> - Marigolds and Sunflowers in my garden at the moment!</li>
<li><b>Drink Lemon Balm tea</b> - picked from my garden, while sitting on the balcony.</li>
<li><b>Listen to music</b> that touches me.</li>
<li><b>Stretch </b>- It's great for pregnancy and gives a great endorphin boost!</li>
<li><b>Admire my belly</b> - I know the time is short. Soon this belly will be empty and my arms will be full.</li>
<li><b>Cuddle</b> - Lots. With my hubby and with my girls. </li>
<li><b>Bask in the sun.</b></li>
</ul>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqmbbOck3LmIg7gQKSbVlQ6aAC8ieeS9BMAK97EXWH_pXpnti8nHC_MUMRos0AFzfLde2yIxqT2xlKMHL8ln_wQRVtlG7XjQIX1lUL92LN_GfraFkPrre1If8sYNG1Qf9JsVB5CqeOJs/s1600/DSC_0378.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEqmbbOck3LmIg7gQKSbVlQ6aAC8ieeS9BMAK97EXWH_pXpnti8nHC_MUMRos0AFzfLde2yIxqT2xlKMHL8ln_wQRVtlG7XjQIX1lUL92LN_GfraFkPrre1If8sYNG1Qf9JsVB5CqeOJs/s320/DSC_0378.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Quilt pieces ready for stitching...</td></tr>
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<b>I find this stage of pregnancy quite intense. There is no moment in which you can forget you are pregnant.</b> At any moment you might have baby kicking, heartburn bothering you, pelvis all over the show, sweating from your internal heater - whatever your particular set of niggles... <b>And every time you get dressed, go to the toilet, pick something up, strap your seat belt on, try to stand up from a low chair, or try find a position to sleep in, you are reminded of this little person snuggled up inside your belly.</b><br />
<br />
<b>With that comes the realisation that this baby is going to have to come out sometime!</b> That part is also becoming more real to me. I've found myself looking forward to laboring and birthing this baby. My previous births were both empowering and affirming experiences - and <b>I am looking forward to that post birth high</b> that can't be explained unless you've experienced it! <b>Ecstasy, exhaustion, euphoria and energy all mixed up together... It's quite unlike anything else.</b><br />
<br />
So on the whole, it's been good. This e-card sums things up quite nicely:<br />
<br />
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<b>One last thing, now is a good time to make sure you follow me on Twitter - <a href="https://twitter.com/DurbanDoula" target="_blank">@DurbanDoula</a> - or Facebook - <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Giving-Birth-Naturally-Making-Informed-Choices-and-Enjoying-Parenthood-187938061226503/" target="_blank">Giving Birth Naturally</a> - to make sure you don't miss any birth announcements! </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>So did you experience that 'ache for beauty' in pregnancy? </b><br />
<b>How did you</b><br />
<br />
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<b> scratch that itch?</b></div>
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Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-34065484598349128802016-02-02T06:26:00.002-08:002016-02-02T06:29:00.866-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary Week 30<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJYZdFiLNet56n-M2rkM9oetLeaIiZBjF53J0BrXUBUKI5wavrA8-GcmEEKfa-JH8MDbszPNiQnjfS6GKRcfx1uZJpcUeNhroZtbfDYvPeO-n3F6XI601dhAa4j1C4U_od90g2IgSqSgc/s1600/JTC_3848.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJYZdFiLNet56n-M2rkM9oetLeaIiZBjF53J0BrXUBUKI5wavrA8-GcmEEKfa-JH8MDbszPNiQnjfS6GKRcfx1uZJpcUeNhroZtbfDYvPeO-n3F6XI601dhAa4j1C4U_od90g2IgSqSgc/s320/JTC_3848.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our growing family... <br />
(<a href="http://karene.me/" target="_blank">Karen E Photography</a>)</td></tr>
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Phew! The big 3-0!<br />
<br />
After our <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2016/01/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-third.html" target="_blank">weighty topic last week</a>, this week is mostly bits and bobs...<br />
<br />
<b>Over the Christmas period we had some family pics done with my husband's side of the family.</b> I was so grateful that our usual photographer got back from the UK three days before we needed the shoot, and as always, she really got the best out of us as you'll see in the pics scattered through the post! <b>She is great fun to work with, and excellent with the kids - we did our previous maternity shoot with her</b>, and a family shoot or two before and after that - and we keep going back so you know she must be good!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg83KRwMQAFcEO8aXfRSukDUgAotxhgmBc8OABKb374CgaokZBQA1YY5-_sb29DsHLBkf4t3Q-jkiTB8Hn3wyDyHJAswTY0LPp_e0ZibsvBFlOoQL57J60Y8HES1sg53QN1FmPTBgdWPrY/s1600/242008_189794077737454_8361862_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg83KRwMQAFcEO8aXfRSukDUgAotxhgmBc8OABKb374CgaokZBQA1YY5-_sb29DsHLBkf4t3Q-jkiTB8Hn3wyDyHJAswTY0LPp_e0ZibsvBFlOoQL57J60Y8HES1sg53QN1FmPTBgdWPrY/s400/242008_189794077737454_8361862_o.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hear me Roar! <br />
(37 week maternity shoot with Karen in 2011)</td></tr>
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<b>I'm really enjoying this pregnancy to be honest. I'm</b> grateful that I've had a pretty easy pregnancy on the whole. Other than some morning dizziness, I've had a couple of days of swollen feet - remedied by sleeping with my feet raised after an Epsom Salts foot bath, and some hip niggles, and some very occasional heartburn, but beyond that I'm feeling quite good. <b>Oh, and the tiredness... I'm not as flat out finished as I was in the first trimester, but just the physical work of carrying this extra weight and growing a whole human in this heat does take it out of me.</b> Oh, I forgot about the spider veins too... this list of things that aren't bothering me too much seems to be getting longer! But compared to what many women experience, I think I'm doing okay!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9tteYmD4Rz9qjDNcQEkHeeg7Hmcp6lJveBSnUF-7QZI688OlKC6oZQuGUr-ghx8AxN2Rr-8uG0opV6ee-ZChoCm9_O-Qe5uBElq6v2qamFKS29G0I8I-uLZzSksRl1t_WtlU-nrT3fJo/s1600/JTC_2987.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9tteYmD4Rz9qjDNcQEkHeeg7Hmcp6lJveBSnUF-7QZI688OlKC6oZQuGUr-ghx8AxN2Rr-8uG0opV6ee-ZChoCm9_O-Qe5uBElq6v2qamFKS29G0I8I-uLZzSksRl1t_WtlU-nrT3fJo/s320/JTC_2987.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My awesome hubby... What a man!<br />
(<a href="http://karene.me/" target="_blank">Karen E Photography</a>)</td></tr>
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<b>That human I'm growing weighs about 1.3kg now, and is around 40cm tall, about the size of a large butternut, although it's all relative at this stage!</b><br />
<br />
<b>It's been so busy that on the whole I haven't really had much chance to think about being pregnant, never mind doing any colouring or anything like that. </b>Trying to juggle different school times with extra murals, while working full time (albeit flexi-time) is hectic. I try not to use my flexibility too much, because I do still have to catch up the time, and right now<b> my energy levels past 5pm just are not up for the task of getting work done once the girls are asleep!</b><br />
My poor veggie garden (and my <a href="http://dirtyhandscleanfood.blogspot.co.za/" target="_blank">gardening blog</a>) have been sorely neglected, as has nearly every other non-essential task, especially over the last two weeks as the girls start school again.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE6VVUhkJARHYByzz-jCZNiAPYvr8ZQULavTe1dWwx7BCCQrw7DRMxGrF1OMFpEo1jnvv64hgwkUJufXZ2afH4rgZPataKwgERoVcjgoOv6s1_NfE1MBwQ4clPdJvKvX6ppxq44SSOwDY/s1600/257924_189793977737464_4144402_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE6VVUhkJARHYByzz-jCZNiAPYvr8ZQULavTe1dWwx7BCCQrw7DRMxGrF1OMFpEo1jnvv64hgwkUJufXZ2afH4rgZPataKwgERoVcjgoOv6s1_NfE1MBwQ4clPdJvKvX6ppxq44SSOwDY/s320/257924_189793977737464_4144402_o.jpg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lady in Red.<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">(37 week maternity shoot with Karen in 2011)</span></td></tr>
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On the topic of school, <b>are there any other moms who detest homework? Parents hate it, teachers hate marking it, kids hate doing it, many many studies have shown that it can even be harmful to their academic futures as it destroys their love for learning... So why do they still get it?</b> Apparently my daughter's Grade 1 homework should take 15min. Pah! I tried convincing her that this was fun time for us to spend together - both colouring in, reading, counting and adding - but she wasn't having any of it. She just blinked at me. Unconvinced. <b>I'm not sure if I can keep this up for the next 20 years to be honest!</b><br />
(Link on homework <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-homework-myth/201211/homework-unnecessary-evil" target="_blank">here</a>)<br />
<br />
On a more positive note, <b>I made some of my own newborn winged prefolds</b> out of old baby blankets to use in some spare newborn covers I have, and taught my almost 7-year-old how to use the overlocker so she could make a baby blanket out of some flannel I bought. She was so chuffed with herself! It was very sweet.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdJLgN6HciMjjOYtPn6sGysEbfD_KtnPAfNpLc3TPNhH4pksa8f7B_5GZ_aOFyp-dbk6OxuDlU36K4BINoikshl2Esd2cU7p9rYJTrdb6XUXINMPveWTWl9wTl7Lh5lxlphMy7ofH5qo/s1600/JTC_3521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdJLgN6HciMjjOYtPn6sGysEbfD_KtnPAfNpLc3TPNhH4pksa8f7B_5GZ_aOFyp-dbk6OxuDlU36K4BINoikshl2Esd2cU7p9rYJTrdb6XUXINMPveWTWl9wTl7Lh5lxlphMy7ofH5qo/s320/JTC_3521.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All the cousins.<br />
(<a href="http://karene.me/" target="_blank">Karen E Photography</a>)</td></tr>
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(For a video on different types of cloth diapers / nappies - look <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64os5I4_Z9Q" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
<b>I'm all for budget babies, so I was overjoyed when I found a Joie Stages car chair, only 18 months old, second hand. </b>No accident damage or anything like that, still in great nick. The mom felt her daughter wasn't comfortable in it so was buying a different one. What I like about the Joie Stages is that they can use it from birth to 7 years old, and they can do rear facing until 18kg! <b>Now we just need to figure out how to fit these chairs into our car...</b><br />
<br />
<b>I was also gifted with some boy clothes by a doula client, and another client is lending me her stash of newborn nappies to add to my currently modest stash. </b>In terms of nappies after 3 months, I was able to supplement my collection with some second hand nappies I bought from friends who were emigrating - so all in all I think we're doing well! In the midst of all the busy-ness I sorted through the old baby clothes I was keeping in case we had another girl, and was able to give away a large suitcase full of clothes to a family that has been struggling... <b>Yay for paying it forward!</b><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgISwyZpcsz57qlZs4kunCXeK85iziEQ9sZ1tMIaL5ZW5G_JaJCGAvfFZtK50Sk3MdRVNSRd573kM9wu5QNgdgYI-ghvhpwKnmHAB6JqsIsSouFtmZlRhaHSnOLlpVy01JqgM4OgClYlt4/s1600/259193_189794287737433_6569508_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgISwyZpcsz57qlZs4kunCXeK85iziEQ9sZ1tMIaL5ZW5G_JaJCGAvfFZtK50Sk3MdRVNSRd573kM9wu5QNgdgYI-ghvhpwKnmHAB6JqsIsSouFtmZlRhaHSnOLlpVy01JqgM4OgClYlt4/s320/259193_189794287737433_6569508_o.jpg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love this one!<br />
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">(37 week maternity shoot with Karen in 2011)</span></td></tr>
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So with all the sorting and repacking, <b>I have also been inspired to spruce up our room a little bit,</b> seeing as I'll be spending a bit more time in there. Why now, with 10 weeks before the baby is due? <b>Blame it on nesting, blame it on the fact that we're going to be cosleeping and won't need a baby room for a while, either way I have big plans.</b> How many of them will get done by the time baby is here? I have no idea!<br />
<br />
<b>The starting point is finishing a quilt I've been working on for about 8 years. I dusted off my sewing machine for the first time in a long while and have been diligently working at getting it all together - when I have the energy!</b> One of the last times I worked on it was when I was in early labour with my youngest daughter - nearly 5 years ago! So I think it's time. It seems my seamstress skills have been inspiring my eldest daughter (almost 7), as she is busy designing her own fashion range that I am going to help her sew. <b>I'd much rather do that than homework any day!</b><br />
<br />
So yeah, that's us for this week. I've got another checkup due in the next few days, so we'll have some updates, and perhaps some progress on the various craft projects and gathering of birth supplies... <b>Beyond that, I think uneventful is good at this stage!</b>Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-5498266329844361702016-01-19T01:05:00.001-08:002016-01-20T00:20:03.966-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary - Third Trimester! Week 28<b><br /></b>
<b>Yeehah! The third trimester is here! Duhm duhm duuuhm...</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3uJcm8OLrDgqSpwGq8FT-X4SiJ5GgdLmYhHa4OfwlXhNA6JJXR_4EH58Z7USknwJpmXmsrCoYBomEqvZznBkfF8XKMrmoQA2-XmMPIzRH2Lwfd8AMjVSJC_7f7RVqN5wYSG62ZNPnv2A/s1600/1428910_4e31818886_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3uJcm8OLrDgqSpwGq8FT-X4SiJ5GgdLmYhHa4OfwlXhNA6JJXR_4EH58Z7USknwJpmXmsrCoYBomEqvZznBkfF8XKMrmoQA2-XmMPIzRH2Lwfd8AMjVSJC_7f7RVqN5wYSG62ZNPnv2A/s320/1428910_4e31818886_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Downhill from here!</td></tr>
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<b>It's crazy how this whole thing feels so fast and so slow at the same time.</b> I'm trying to enjoy every bit of it, although the heat wave we had over Christmas was quite something! <b>With my first I was 38 weeks pregnant at this point, and I don't remember feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin from the heat...</b><br />
<br />
<b>I've finally made a plan to get together with a personal trainer friend of mine to help me get some exercise - so relieved!</b> I can feel how much of a difference it makes, but I also think I'll need to pop in for a visit to the chiropractor soon.<b> My pelvis is starting to feel a bit wobbly again and I'm getting a bit of sciatica. Oh the joys!</b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was my belly at this time of year in 2009! <br />
38 weeks pregnant with my first...</td></tr>
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<b>So as we reach the third trimester we are having to make some decisions the we didn't have to make before, and one of those is deciding whether or not to circumcise our little boy.</b><br />
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Living in South Africa, where circumcision is still commonplace even among those who aren't of Jewish or Muslim descent, <b>for many parents it isn't even something they think about - it's just the done thing</b>. Of the men I've spoken to of my generation, most of them are circumcised, and a number of them can't recall ever seeing an uncircumcised or intact male their own age. <b>Being who I am, I've come to question this practice and came up with some reasons why we won't be circumcising our son.</b><br />
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<b>I know it is a pretty contentious issue</b> - many Facebook mommy groups have banned it as a topic of discussion because things get too heated - but <b>I'm trusting I can express my position in a reasonably civil manner, and I'd request that if you do comment on the post, you do the same.</b><br />
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<b>My main reason is that I believe that people should have choices about what happens to their bodies, and I also believe that no person's body is owned by any other person.</b> 'It's my child, I can do what I want,' doesn't cut it with me - my son's body belongs to him and him alone, just as my body belongs to me, and I believe I should have primary authority over what is done to it and I share it with people I choose to share it with.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcbz6_HTpfohNonOZncqK_yHT00blZ5IFnGWJXhwFxKM6lxAsxfKlJstbfjbZI2fArFnMTr6P9GhJiDBQd220-KgPW6Zr6jOmUcQbhe_Zuc06ru3QzV1v_x1IlhKGxL7u8mN_rkx44UKY/s1600/your+body+his+body+circumcision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcbz6_HTpfohNonOZncqK_yHT00blZ5IFnGWJXhwFxKM6lxAsxfKlJstbfjbZI2fArFnMTr6P9GhJiDBQd220-KgPW6Zr6jOmUcQbhe_Zuc06ru3QzV1v_x1IlhKGxL7u8mN_rkx44UKY/s200/your+body+his+body+circumcision.jpg" width="200" /></a><b>Bodily autonomy is something I value, so it seems natural to value my son's bodily autonomy too</b> - he is the owner of the penis after all, so I feel he has the largest vested interest in the matter, and so I will wait until he is able to make the decision for himself. It can't be undone.<br />
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<b>The be honest, that was enough reason for me to let my son choose for himself</b>, but I have a few others as well. I'm going to try and keep it brief.<br />
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<b>Religion:</b> <b>Because of my faith in a wise creator,</b> I can't accept that every single baby boy would be born with a birth defect that requires potentially risky amputation of a very sensitive part of his body. I know circumcision was part of God's covenant with the Hebrews, as described in the Bible, <b>but what was considered circumcision then - a snip off the tip or just a tiny slit cut into the foreskin - and circumcision today, the full amputation of the entire foreskin still fused to the glans of the penis the same way your fingernail is fused to your nail bed - are, as you can see, very different.</b><br />
Having said that, even in religions where circumcision is required, such as in Islam or Judaism, many individuals are choosing not to circumcise. (For more info on this check: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/07/biblical-circumcision-information.html" target="_blank">Biblical Circumcision Information</a>.)<br />
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<b>Pain: For a long time, and until fairly recently, many practitioners didn't use any anaesthetic for circumcisions</b> as it was believed that babies didn't experience pain the same way adults do. Even now, <b>it is too risky to use general anaesthetic for a newborn, </b>so babies have to make do with a local anaesthetic which cannot numb all the pain experienced. Furthermore, because they are so little, the pain relief available to them after the procedure is not as effective as the relief available to an adult, and they have the added discomfort of chafing from nappies, and the risk of the wound coming into contact with urine and faeces. <b>This degree of pain can affect the brain quite negatively at a very vulnerable time,</b> and hence interfere with bonding and breastfeeding, with a high risk of long term consequences. Some say circumcision should be done early as it is more painful later on - but I would be keen to know if it is just that babies are not as able to express their discomfort as adult men are. (For more information see: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2008/11/the-effectiveness-of-anesthesia-for.html" target="_blank">The Effectiveness of Anesthesia for Circumcision Pain</a>.)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuatnKopxfx_dRQW5uHdgTRpvG2IKOlKNcdKSz8R6BhV79V18Xc_IRz1pRVHJ56FFWrs1Raushfjbl1t4iWvwI7fBr1vEcKrThXYbE9ez2Z-wVlCCEf-V7IyoKIgmbh9k2uo3xdkYEFV4/s1600/Circumcise+daughters+no+then+why+sons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuatnKopxfx_dRQW5uHdgTRpvG2IKOlKNcdKSz8R6BhV79V18Xc_IRz1pRVHJ56FFWrs1Raushfjbl1t4iWvwI7fBr1vEcKrThXYbE9ez2Z-wVlCCEf-V7IyoKIgmbh9k2uo3xdkYEFV4/s320/Circumcise+daughters+no+then+why+sons.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>Sexual Sensitivity:</b> <b>The foreskin is not just an extra flap of skin, it has over 10 000 nerve endings.</b> It definitely does affect sexual function. <b>In fact, circumcision in Western society was popularised precisely because it was thought to decrease masturbation because circumcision was known to decrease sensitivity i.e. no foreskin = less pleasure = less masturbation.</b> Furthermore, intact (uncircumcised) penises require less lubrication during intercourse, and can provide a smoother experience for the partner too. Many men who have been circumcised as adults have reported decreased sensitivity. (See: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2011/08/intact-or-circumcised-significant.html" target="_blank">Intact or Circumcised: A Significant Difference in the Adult Penis</a> - Yes, there are photos - view at own discretion)<br />
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<b>Aesthetics:</b> <b>Many say they think it just looks better circumcised</b>. But to me that is purely a cultural prejudice, <b>we generally find the familiar more attractive than the unfamiliar</b>. And honestly, circumcising a baby because you think it looks better brings us back in to the realm of cosmetic surgery without consent.<b> In the same way that I wouldn't tattoo my baby because I think it looks better, I wouldn't perform any other kind of cosmetic surgery on my baby either. </b>And beyond that, I'm not the one who's going to be looking at my adult child's penis - if his partner thinks it looks better circumcised, they can deal with it then.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijw0iUrqceLFEJebTUshNFVE8rBGinLJAMpKAicPCPptbfnLbjA-DUkx7CiqC1lJVtitKCrt59QvyMTKLkZHLZdsKePJQfNNBVVwG9JD_nKgqwfUfh3k64WlmAz2bp9hKWRbehu4Iak-c/s1600/adults+don%2527t+need+circumcision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijw0iUrqceLFEJebTUshNFVE8rBGinLJAMpKAicPCPptbfnLbjA-DUkx7CiqC1lJVtitKCrt59QvyMTKLkZHLZdsKePJQfNNBVVwG9JD_nKgqwfUfh3k64WlmAz2bp9hKWRbehu4Iak-c/s320/adults+don%2527t+need+circumcision.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>Functions:</b> <b>The foreskin doesn't only affect sexual function, but also protects the glans of the penis against chafing, and has important immune benefits</b> - apparently latest research is showing that the foreskin can actually protect against HIV infection, and besides that, it prevents contaminants entering the urethra.<br />
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<b>Equality:</b> <b>I wouldn't alter my baby girl's genitals in any way, so why do it to my baby boy? </b>In places where female genital cutting is still practiced, the same reasons are used as are currently used for male genital cutting - it looks better, it is healthier, because her mother had it done...<br />
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<b>Risks: No surgery is without risk. In the US, more newborn baby boys die from circumcision than from car accidents. </b>The penis and foreskin is obviously highly vascular and haemorrhaging is a risk, as is the possibility of removing too much skin, as well as other injuries and complications including impotence, urinary retention and necrosis among others.<br />
(See here: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05/death-from-circumcision-higher-than.html" target="_blank">Death from Circumcision Higher Than Suffocation and Auto Accidents</a> and here: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05/death-from-circumcision.html" target="_blank">Death from <span id="goog_1061945938"></span>Circumcision</a>)<span id="goog_1061945939"></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVDbYgNcRk_dOWGKb8zedht91AqSdi2oyXNyvQV3O7_UA3Hzp-Tz-opEQXjNYE3_1-4b70K_nJnRe-K1hkHeIGS7gtvUPq2d8PdIfBk6HLYBtlWXHGM5sFPH2ZO1fz8LIFnHX06XnZFU/s1600/clean+it+himself+circumcise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYVDbYgNcRk_dOWGKb8zedht91AqSdi2oyXNyvQV3O7_UA3Hzp-Tz-opEQXjNYE3_1-4b70K_nJnRe-K1hkHeIGS7gtvUPq2d8PdIfBk6HLYBtlWXHGM5sFPH2ZO1fz8LIFnHX06XnZFU/s320/clean+it+himself+circumcise.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>Hygiene:</b> <b>An intact penis is actually easy to clean - the guideline is to treat it like the tip of a finger. </b>No one except the child himself should be tugging on it or retracting as this can actually cause adhesions and scar tissue leading to a tight foreskin later on. <b>Boys can be taught to wash their own penises the same way girls are taught to wipe from front to back.</b> To think that boys are incapable of such simple self care is actually a little insulting. Actually, I would think an intact penis is easier to keep clean initially too - no open wound to deal with!<br />
(See: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/basic-care-of-intact-child.html" target="_blank">Basic care of the Intact Child</a>)<br />
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<b>Health:</b> <b>Each decade has seen it's own list of diseases and conditions that circumcision is claimed to cure. In the nineties it was said to prevent cervical cancer in women, now it's said to reduce female to male HIV transmission. </b>Many of these studies have been shown to report inflated claims, or they have been very flawed in their design. Also, they only talk about reducing male to female transmission. Um, yeah. Nothing about male to female transmission. <b>I'm sure there are less invasive and more effective ways to decrease HIV transmission. </b>Furthermore, even if there was a slight decrease in rates of urinary tract infections among circumcised infants, girls get urinary tract infections far more often than boys and we wouldn't dream of circumcising all infant girls to reduce urinary tract infections - we just treat them as they happen. No surgery required.<br />
See: <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2014/01/hiv-aids-circumcision-resources.html" target="_blank">HIV, AIDS & Circumcision Resources</a>, <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2011/05/where-circumcision-does-not-prevent-hiv.html" target="_blank">Where Circumcision does NOT Prevent HIV</a>, <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2014/01/circumcision-and-cervical-cancer.html" target="_blank">Circumcision and Cervical Cancer Resources</a>, <a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/cervical-cancer-reason-for-circumcision.html" target="_blank">Cervical Cancer: A Reason for Circumcision?</a>)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrbS3HGTQC7qZSMfUFm-gVBpOvSjomOiwbE6QT9Fw0cCDboK3C2KdBu4SGnuR9DFk8rUxIYx2KUHLo9PdzkQ88NBND8Dioa6HODWzHRnu728COY4KAX1g6WKKTTSYO0ce9dV-hJr5cObc/s1600/UTIs+Circumcision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrbS3HGTQC7qZSMfUFm-gVBpOvSjomOiwbE6QT9Fw0cCDboK3C2KdBu4SGnuR9DFk8rUxIYx2KUHLo9PdzkQ88NBND8Dioa6HODWzHRnu728COY4KAX1g6WKKTTSYO0ce9dV-hJr5cObc/s320/UTIs+Circumcision.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>Family Likeness:</b> <b>For a number of families I've spoken to this has been one of their primary reasons. </b>I heard a story that cleared this one up for me: Circ'ed dad is showering with intact son. Son asks, <b>"Dad, why does your penis look like that?"</b> Dad, who has been dreading this conversation, wisely asks, "What do you mean?" Boy answers, <b>"It's so hairy."</b><br />
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<b>I wouldn't dye my child's hair to match mine, or surgically alter his nose to match his dad's </b>or give them matching tattoos before he's a year old - so I'm not sure I could use this reason for cosmetic surgery on my newborn child.<br />
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<b>My last reason would be that it is irreversible.</b> There are methods by which men are gaining some restoration of their foreskins, but this is a difficult process. I would rather let my son choose for himself.<br />
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<b>I was going to mention some stuff about why I'm enjoying the colouring and why birth affirmations make a difference, and further plans for our home birth, and great second hand deals and other bits and bobs, but I'll leave those for next time!</b><br />
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Two videos you might appreciate - one funny and one more serious:<br />
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Adam Ruins Everything - The Real Reason You're Circumcised:</div>
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Elephant in the Hospital - Child Circumcision</div>
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<b>I understand that some people reading this post may be feeling regret for having had their son/s circumcised. </b>It is difficult to feel you made a wrong decision when it comes to your children, but there are many who have walked this road before who can help you deal with those feelings of regret - please see these links for some excellent resources:<br />
<a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2010/05/i-circumcised-my-son-healing-from.html" target="_blank">I Circumcised My Son: Healing From Regret</a><br />
<a href="http://www.drmomma.org/2015/08/circumcision-regret-working-through-and.html" target="_blank">Circumcision Regret: Working Through and Rising Above Mistakes Made</a><br />
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<b>Sorry it's been such a long post! I really tried to keep it as brief as I could without being blunt! If you have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to share them below, but please be civil! I know these things can get heated...</b><br />
<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-88501440123731995922016-01-01T22:44:00.000-08:002016-01-02T10:24:51.027-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary - Week 26<h3>
Our baby boy has a name...</h3>
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Even though I'm planning my third natural birth,</div>
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I do still have moments of disbelief:</div>
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'This baby is coming out where?'</div>
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Get it on <a href="https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/225905625/soften-open-release-a-coloring-book-of">Etsy</a></div>
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<b><i>Pikkewyn</i></b><br />
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No, that's not the name we'll be putting on his birth certificate, but that was the name my mom-in-law wrote on little one's Christmas gifts this year, so we're sticking with it for now. In case you're unfamiliar with the Afrikaans language and feeling a little lost, <b>pikkewyn means 'penguin', hence the 'Happy Feet' references, quite fitting considering how active this little sproglet is!</b> My attempt at phonetic pronounciation: <i>Pikke - vein</i><br />
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<b>As for his real name, we have some ideas, but we're not sharing them until he's born</b>, just because we've had experiences in the past where we share our ideas and people make disparaging comments about our choices... You know who you are! So like we did with number 2, we'll wait until this one is born to announce a name.<br />
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Choosing names is such a funny thing. <b>Personally I don't like popular names - I remember an instance at school where there were 3 Michelles in our netball team, and Grants and Ryans and Marks were also everywhere. </b>(Apologies to anyone with those names, they were just the first ones I could think of.) So we're trying to avoid that for our children, but it is a bit of a challenge!<br />
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<b>When I chose Amelia for our eldest nearly 7 years ago, it was very unusual, like 350th in the list of girls' names or something like that, but has been steadily climbing the popularity charts since. As my husband is Afrikaans and I'm English, we need names that work in both languages, and of course there is always the matter of initials. With a surname like Jansen, we're staying away from names starting with B...</b><br />
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In progress... But one I needed this week!</div>
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Get it on <a href="https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/225905625/soften-open-release-a-coloring-book-of">Etsy</a></div>
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So I like older names, ones that are not common but also not too obscure, names with reasonably traditional spellings and positive meanings. <b>So yes, finding a name we both like that meets all these requirements is a feat in itself!</b><br />
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I saw our midwife again this last week - all is well as expected. <b>We had a good chat about plans leading up to the birth, </b>including my questions on what the earliest possible date for a home birth is, and when I need to collect the birth pool I'm hiring from her, and checking on when to call in the troops come B-Day. In that discussion, <b>I came to the realization that the possibility of going into premature labour or having premature rupture of membranes (i.e. waters breaking early) has been a bit of a preoccupation for me, even though I have none of the risk factors. </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixbpVb3RuwOqtRRUpR0Ps9Awmst_5zrt8sMiveBWkErgGhskJ_X0AANUKRiUZUvMUUxsuX_6qNCIn49Lsh8dDYHXBflYf_HBixzeZMZyIj9LqpFmltZI97GqK1VaBPtE_3Y9nRiq2ypJY/s1600/1931008_37483492180_5208_n+B%2526W.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixbpVb3RuwOqtRRUpR0Ps9Awmst_5zrt8sMiveBWkErgGhskJ_X0AANUKRiUZUvMUUxsuX_6qNCIn49Lsh8dDYHXBflYf_HBixzeZMZyIj9LqpFmltZI97GqK1VaBPtE_3Y9nRiq2ypJY/s320/1931008_37483492180_5208_n+B%2526W.jpg" width="170" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Baby #1 - 27 weeks pregnant</span></td></tr>
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I'm taking magnesium which has been known to help prevent premature labour, and I'm thinking of supplementing my vitamin C intake, something which has been shown to prevent premature rupture of membranes but<b> I hadn't realised it was such a preoccupation until Arlen pointed it out, and I'm grateful she did. I've made the adjustment to remember that my body is wonderfully purpose-built for this task, and has proven itself trustworthy before</b>, and I am an otherwise healthy and reasonably fit woman. <b>I choose to trust my body, and I choose to nurture my body at the same time.</b><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img align="right" alt="Belly Pics 27 Weeks - Good Posture" src="http://www.giving-birth-naturally.net/image-files/belly-pics-27-weeks-good-posture.jpg" data-pin-nopin="true" height="154" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="100" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby #2<br />
28 weeks pregnant</td></tr>
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<b>Speaking of nurturing my body, I need exercise! </b>I've mentioned before that I'm feeling much creakier this time around, and I know it's due to lack of exercise, coupled with a general decrease in fitness levels over the last few years. <b>It's usually my hips that feel unstable, and my core is generally weak as I'm feeling out of breath because I'm slouching too much.</b> So in the new year I'll be taking the plunge and signing up for some antenatal exercise classes. I've been doing aqua exercising in the pool when I get a chance, but I need something a bit more structured. When I suggested it to hubby, he was immediately on board, especially considering it is an extra monthly expense. <b>But I think he knows I'll be much more comfortable, and hence easier to live with, if I'm not feeling so creaky.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCXU_lIjHwCnFFydJLdiMyZjn3TkvM_L2SnWh4BazvASC50V1HqyvDVnODq3gks-5naB0kGGfzICQO9PVwbxPNl6Hi_3pocvKEod_gxPzQQBU5Mc5-SU9BaHsg8CbbJfA5i2LDwp3HNUU/s1600/27+weeks+800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCXU_lIjHwCnFFydJLdiMyZjn3TkvM_L2SnWh4BazvASC50V1HqyvDVnODq3gks-5naB0kGGfzICQO9PVwbxPNl6Hi_3pocvKEod_gxPzQQBU5Mc5-SU9BaHsg8CbbJfA5i2LDwp3HNUU/s320/27+weeks+800.jpg" width="99" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
Ok, maybe I</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
am imagining it...</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
My feet look</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
swollen in this pic,</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
Time for another</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
lie-down methinks!</div>
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<b>Just so you can see I'm not imagining that I'm carrying bigger this time around, I found a picture from my first pregnancy, taken at around 27 weeks, where you can see how tiny my bump was, and one from my second pregnancy as well.</b> Despite bump size, apparently <b>Pikkewyn is now just over 35cm long, about the length of an English cucumber from crown to heel, and weighs around 750g.</b><br />
<br />
<b>I'm really enjoying being on leave </b>and we had a good time visiting with Hubby's family over Christmas. <b>I got some crochet done, to the extent that I've depleted my stocks of t-shirt yarn</b> that I was using to make a pouf for the lounge. (Any donations of holey t-shirts are welcome!) <b>And I also got some time to colour in some of my new colouring book. The non-conformist in me detests fads, but when I saw this birth affirmation colouring book I knew I just had to get one!</b> You can order them on Etsy via the link under the images if you'd like one yourself, but be warned, postage can take over 3 weeks so order sooner rather than later!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVS3UOQ6E7ZjcCgSGBxEu7126MGchVjxl0uhBBc1OyMA344ty4ZT42IC4UzX3ebYsMkKejjV2iJ9XLkcny8nZFYMMT_d6jCiqFWqzCDcMDyS_vTTxNwvETqeJBDsp5pAH5TLiS56mEGCo/s1600/il_570xN.740732589_e50m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVS3UOQ6E7ZjcCgSGBxEu7126MGchVjxl0uhBBc1OyMA344ty4ZT42IC4UzX3ebYsMkKejjV2iJ9XLkcny8nZFYMMT_d6jCiqFWqzCDcMDyS_vTTxNwvETqeJBDsp5pAH5TLiS56mEGCo/s320/il_570xN.740732589_e50m.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The cover pre-colouring.<br />
<a href="https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/225905625/soften-open-release-a-coloring-book-of">Soften, Open, Release by Amber delaine</a></td></tr>
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It's been lovely over the last few weeks to have friends and family be able to feel baby kicking.<b> I love seeing their faces when he gives them a good strong jab! </b>It seems his most active time is in the evenings after supper.<b> Like clockwork he starts kicking in the same spot</b>, and keeps wriggling about for a while, within about 15 minutes of me finishing my dinner. I'm not sure if it's the noise of digestion, or the blood sugar boost, but <b>it does give a great opportunity for me to prove I'm not just hiding a soccer ball under my shirt!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcj6CewcCK7u1FdpBqcrjsSYnBjsoxwN4M3r0tqU1bsX1MdDt31bvdeJKhPkGfD6wZ2-ZSkIXXXslMK9_JfnwaVpzJFKQaWwuYW3eA3QuUfvghiDtLok7XEOIu49oHn13nT41DqowSdww/s1600/Soften+Open+Release+800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcj6CewcCK7u1FdpBqcrjsSYnBjsoxwN4M3r0tqU1bsX1MdDt31bvdeJKhPkGfD6wZ2-ZSkIXXXslMK9_JfnwaVpzJFKQaWwuYW3eA3QuUfvghiDtLok7XEOIu49oHn13nT41DqowSdww/s320/Soften+Open+Release+800.jpg" width="243" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Post-Colouring...</td></tr>
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The girls are fascinated with my belly button - <b>my innie has become an outie! They think it's great fun to try push it in.</b> It is so sweet how they spontaneously come and give the baby hugs and cuddles, I think they are going to have great fun being big sisters! <b>As I've mentioned before we've been laying some groundwork for them to understand that little babies have big needs, and we're all a team helping everyone to get their needs met</b>, and how giving time and attention doesn't equal giving more love, and giving them ways to express when their love tanks are feeling empty. <b>I'm finding it amazing how perceptive and understanding they can be!</b> I suppose we'll see how effective this has all been when the baby is actually here.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nh4rz3qOfjdtCiCPBuayiimwDIaYhYJit41Kd9yxO9w9YGf9Hcq35a9PRsrE6-iPtinht4WST9AIuBJ4Xv4ITYGFBqPWMSIGAxUpv-XAnKVRldBR9-iUJcc00Y7HxuTvn7Ai4MGHjxU/s1600/Belly+Shots+800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-nh4rz3qOfjdtCiCPBuayiimwDIaYhYJit41Kd9yxO9w9YGf9Hcq35a9PRsrE6-iPtinht4WST9AIuBJ4Xv4ITYGFBqPWMSIGAxUpv-XAnKVRldBR9-iUJcc00Y7HxuTvn7Ai4MGHjxU/s320/Belly+Shots+800.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hiding My Outie... No more toes peeping out!</td></tr>
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<br />
<b>So that's about all we have this week, no big mommy confessions this time... </b><br />
<br />
Find my moments of mourning last week <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/12/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-24.html">here</a>, otherwise follow me on Twitter - @DurbanDoula, or subscribe to the blog so you don't miss next week's update...<br />
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<b>And, as before, if you have any questions or comments please submit them below! I love hearing from you!</b><br />
<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-86335733117009550462015-12-14T04:34:00.002-08:002015-12-14T23:58:55.795-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary Week 24!<h2>
Another fortnight of pregnancy flies by!</h2>
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<h4>
In some small, intimate way it has been a week of mourning for me.</h4>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIh3DFAXzvOdrbpUWEpmBmp5WLirlOUujd5kRJJKC_E1ru8Hb_xzaDLrz6jA7c66k3PIQlMPvG_7TNK3F0yXksz1ycGlxSYI80l1P11LdiChOomV8duSejoRJ2hrHjPfPt4XkFrO1X24/s1600/photo-1422433555807-2559a27433bd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIh3DFAXzvOdrbpUWEpmBmp5WLirlOUujd5kRJJKC_E1ru8Hb_xzaDLrz6jA7c66k3PIQlMPvG_7TNK3F0yXksz1ycGlxSYI80l1P11LdiChOomV8duSejoRJ2hrHjPfPt4XkFrO1X24/s320/photo-1422433555807-2559a27433bd.jpg" width="320" /></a><b>Maybe first time moms have it a bit easier - they have no idea what to expect.</b> As a third time mom, who has had both an easy bay and a high-needs baby, <b>I know that even an easy baby changes life in so many irrevocable ways.</b> My youngest (4) has been out of nappies for a while, weaned a year ago, and loves getting herself dressed, while my oldest (6) can run a bath, and make tea and sandwiches with the help of a strategically placed chair. <b>They are pretty self-sufficient and keep each other quite busy most of the time, when they're not trying to scratch each others' eyes out that is.</b><br />
<br />
So anyway, my point is that the days of jumping in the car without a whole extra nappy bag and a whole extra hour of preparation are drawing to a close. Also, <b>moments to lie in bed and read, sitting down to a cup of coffee with friends, eating with both hands, leisurely baths, and wearing dresses - these will become luxuries again.</b> (If you're wondering about the dress thing - I don't own any dresses I can breastfeed in.)<br />
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<b>I picked an awesome husband who really does see himself as a fully fledged parent, not just 'mom's sidekick'.</b> This means that I have had far more freedom to do my own thing, freedom normally enjoyed by men / dads, and more freedom than many other moms I know, to do things I love, like doula work, writing, singing in a band and things like that.<br />
<br />
Two links about this:<br />
<a href="http://www.scarymommy.com/why-im-done-asking-my-husband-to-help-me-out/">Why I’m Done Asking My Husband To Help Me Out</a><br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/abi-oborne/five-reasons-i-am-not-lucky-to-have-my-husband_b_7875666.html">My Husband; Five Reasons I Am Not Lucky to Have Him</a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
I found an animated GIF maker!</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
Some lightheartedness in</div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px;">
an otherwise sober week.</div>
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The other day he was talking about getting involved in a club of sorts and asked if I might also be interested. I was, but I mentioned that I wasn't sure it was an option with the baby coming along. <b>He made the point that no matter how much he helps, there are some things that only I will be able to do - like giving birth and breastfeeding - and some of those things intrinsically limit my options in ways he doesn't experience. He has a deep appreciation for how I fulfill those roles and that does make things a bit easier.</b><br />
<br />
Take doula work for example - <b>he has always supported me in dashing off in the middle of the night to be with birthing moms</b>, which means getting the girls ready for school and then taking over my portion of our parenting duties while I catch up on sleep the next day. <b>But even with that support, taking on clients won't really be an option for at least 12 months, perhaps more. </b>I only started doula work when my youngest was 18 months old and even that was a challenge at times.<br />
<br />
I know there are husbands who leave their wives to hold the fort while they go on business trips, but I'm not sure I could justify it considering the amount I earn from doula work, and how erratic the hours can be. Also, breastfeeding and being away from baby is a challenge - I can't guarantee that I'll be able to express for my own babe while I'm helping a mom give birth to hers. <b>I don't think it would be fair to the birthing mom either that I'm not able to be fully present with her.</b><br />
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<b>So that's why I say there's a moment of mourning happening in our house. Of course I know that the moment I hold his squishy body against mine, waves of love will crash over these sand castle concerns, but that doesn't change how I feel now.</b><br />
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<b>I think it's hard for moms to acknowledge these feelings. Surely being a mom is 'enough', who could want 'more' than the privilege of being a mother?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><b>Me.</b></b></div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I do.</b></div>
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<b>I love being a mom, more than I thought I would for sure! I don't regret having a third child in the least. </b>But I am not primarily a mother. I am so many other things. It's important for my children to know that. They are not 'obstacles' in my life, but they need to know that this family is a team that works to fulfill the needs and desires of every member of that team - and that 'mom' is not just a name for a glorified domestic servant.<br />
<br />
<b>Shauna Niequist</b> puts this far more eloquently than I ever could in the following video - <b>'Things my mother taught me'</b>. It is just under 18 minutes long, but worth every second. I make a point of watching it at least once a year.<br />
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<b>I do realise that this intense period of mothering is just a season and seasons will pass as they always do.</b> Recognising seasons has been pivotal to my 'inner peace'! <b>I'm not going to store up snow in my deep freeze so I can build a snow man in summer, I'm just going to enjoy summer for what it is.</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhunRJPu079JVHZXhPf1dwZmUw1pgb2FVyeQMS658Zhyphenhyphen_L38CvFAd8lfvgrlklcaRJJuwrJqTvfH5U1bzhnHhHMsSUByiWTLsQ5HjeUFxD5IQhL017jR2ah_qP_YZNW4nLioFHjrQkL5Ag/s1600/output_egPvki.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhunRJPu079JVHZXhPf1dwZmUw1pgb2FVyeQMS658Zhyphenhyphen_L38CvFAd8lfvgrlklcaRJJuwrJqTvfH5U1bzhnHhHMsSUByiWTLsQ5HjeUFxD5IQhL017jR2ah_qP_YZNW4nLioFHjrQkL5Ag/s320/output_egPvki.gif" width="147" /></a><b>I do love my children fiercely and I find parenting immensely fulfilling, but I don't think it's fair on any child to expect them to be the primary source of a woman's sense of value and affirmation. That responsibility is too great for any person, never mind a child. </b>When I get my sense of value and affirmation from an infinite source, it makes me more able to give into my relationships as wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister.<br />
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As Niequist says:<br />
<i>Everyone benefits when women tap into the passions and use the gifts that God has given them. The church benefits, families benefit, marriages benefit, businesses and non-profits benefit. Everyone wins when women discover and live out of the gifts and passions God gave them.</i><br />
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<h4>
And now for something completely different...</h4>
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After a big lull, there are so many women due around the same time as me! <b>Many of them are births I would have volunteered, nay, begged to attend as a doula.</b> So while I'm sad that I may not be able to walk alongside these ladies in their births, <b>I trust we will be able to walk our baby journeys together!</b><br />
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<h4>
And the baby?</h4>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojV310Aby_EQi-oDwyyEQdyARLRgo-BLW-qYa-_Rhafq9UGAqvDgjsAT-3wL0gMvCKdLjda5YINDeXIJ1uOEkJZea1AzaCCFKX8Ammws41tXlciQQCI4OlcUzgrhDwSlZMMP_PWoTD10/s1600/17055-an-ear-of-raw-corn-pv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojV310Aby_EQi-oDwyyEQdyARLRgo-BLW-qYa-_Rhafq9UGAqvDgjsAT-3wL0gMvCKdLjda5YINDeXIJ1uOEkJZea1AzaCCFKX8Ammws41tXlciQQCI4OlcUzgrhDwSlZMMP_PWoTD10/s320/17055-an-ear-of-raw-corn-pv.jpg" width="320" /></a>Apparently<b> baby is as big as an ear of corn now - 30cm long from crown to heel, weighing 600g</b> - and feeling as pokey as if I really had an ear of corn in my belly! A-maize-ing! (Sorry I couldn't help it)<br />
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<b>I'm having to do the sumo sit quite often, because if I sit upright with my knees together, baby pokes my belly where it touches the tops of my thighs</b>... Having said that, I really do love the sensation of him moving about in my belly. It's like having a little friend with me wherever I go.<br />
<br />
<b>He can hear now too</b> - so the girls are having great fun talking to him and kissing my belly and pretending to listen to his replies. It is very sweet. <b>Speaking of sweet, he is also developing taste buds, which would totally explain my craving for Lindt Strawberry Intense chocolate bars.</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Ap4gXnVtz42IO1JUccqZXzGRS-dBmvO36M40xgZjHwAKKnpAs6uS6GHKAL4cW7ZYZ3NHUNuOYBaNuD3pPTbxlYnkfQ9fBmwa7tNio27ST2MREJMNnd2Wfr92AOIqqkIt_DKw3Aayj8Q/s1600/excellence_strawberry.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Ap4gXnVtz42IO1JUccqZXzGRS-dBmvO36M40xgZjHwAKKnpAs6uS6GHKAL4cW7ZYZ3NHUNuOYBaNuD3pPTbxlYnkfQ9fBmwa7tNio27ST2MREJMNnd2Wfr92AOIqqkIt_DKw3Aayj8Q/s320/excellence_strawberry.png" width="320" /></a>I'm looking forward to getting some sorting done when I go on leave next week - <b>we still have stacks of boxes to unpack from when we moved in just over a year ago.</b> I keep saying I want to do it before my belly gets too big, but my belly already feels big!<br />
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<b>A note on empathy when talking to pregnant ladies</b> - when a pregnant lady says: 'I feel so big!', the response, 'But you're so small' may not be the most helpful. <b>You are essentially telling her she has no right to feel that way - or that her feelings are untrustworthy. </b><br />
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In my case, I did ballet for 25 years, and I have a fine tuned sense of where my body is in space, and <b>this little belly feels massive for me</b>. That is my experience.<br />
<br />
Some possible alternate responses: <b>'Are you finding it a challenge?'</b> will draw out what the mom means - is it sleeping or getting in and out of the car or getting dressed that she is finding particularly challenging? <b>And then empathy is always a good follow up: 'Having to deal with two young children and a belly in this heat must be quite something!</b> Either way, I think you're looking lovely! Is there anything I could help with?'<br />
<br />
<b>Empathy is a powerful thing!</b><br />
<br />
<b>Rather than feeling invalidated a woman feels heard and understood - something I believe everyone appreciates. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
On that note, bloggers feel heard and understood and affirmed and validated when you comment on their blogs, and especially if you share the posts you feel are relevant to your circle of friends so...<br />
<b><br /></b>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Does any of this resonate with you? </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Have you felt guilty for feeling like there's more to life than being 'mom'? </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Share your thoughts below...</i></b></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><i></i></b><b>(If you missed last week's installment about clinic visits, camping adventures, clothing solutions and feminist frustrations, you can find it here: <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/12/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-22.html">Week 22</a>)</b><br />
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<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-74876639245716549492015-12-04T00:45:00.003-08:002015-12-04T00:45:51.226-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary - Week 22<h2>
And so the downhill stretch begins!</h2>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxbZWVhvIh0G5vHyce8Bd9wdO-LnBWYN-WKgk0Uxi0pa93pfSJma0epO55i5o5RU-RH5bWMLfGt7rgmf8UQR361fqq4l4WCCxa-OY_dV4bP1BsEu1i2Qw7anEJJYF_g9SzYkzkIKRgzII/s1600/salad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxbZWVhvIh0G5vHyce8Bd9wdO-LnBWYN-WKgk0Uxi0pa93pfSJma0epO55i5o5RU-RH5bWMLfGt7rgmf8UQR361fqq4l4WCCxa-OY_dV4bP1BsEu1i2Qw7anEJJYF_g9SzYkzkIKRgzII/s320/salad.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yay for salad cravings...<br />This mahoosive bowl of salad: all mine!</td></tr>
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<br />
<b>I went for my clinic visit at St Mary's Hospital in Mariannhill this week. </b><br />
<br />
<b>State hospital? Say what? </b><br />
<br />
<br />
You've heard me rant about how <b>I feel irritated on behalf of all the ladies paying a fortune to go to private hospitals and assuming they must be getting the very best care available... Well, I've decided to vote with my feet</b>. I've volunteered at St Mary's before during my training, been in theatre for a caesarean and had a client transfer there for a caesarean and to be honest, <b>I'm much happier with many of their policies than I am with the policies of many of our private institutions</b>...<br />
<br />
One thing I do appreciate about St Mary's is that <b>they do have individual delivery rooms, and besides that, midwives take care of most of the deliveries</b>, calling the doctor only if needed, and they encourage birth support. Having said that, <b>I am not planning to have to actually go there - we are planning to birth at home as you know - but if intervention becomes necessary, then that's where we're headed.</b> I did call up the delivery ward matron to check that this was acceptable, <b>repeating the words 'planning a home birth' and 'private midwife' a number of times to make sure - </b>and her verdict was that as long as I've been to the clinic for prenatal care, that is fine.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj2nlNexLYhJkk2hwQIHIYDY4fpV0_-lfJboyCQv9EkDlZatiGBj51GNJp26nt2M_DS0wv5T2lVo4MQCaeTHj_vrHIUmfvT0o2O2jbySy0eay_T6rHqQ90g038EGXUNQIVa7CqyvDl7sQ/s1600/12002038_846891868763139_3867320449611489898_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj2nlNexLYhJkk2hwQIHIYDY4fpV0_-lfJboyCQv9EkDlZatiGBj51GNJp26nt2M_DS0wv5T2lVo4MQCaeTHj_vrHIUmfvT0o2O2jbySy0eay_T6rHqQ90g038EGXUNQIVa7CqyvDl7sQ/s320/12002038_846891868763139_3867320449611489898_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My new favourite <a href="https://twitter.com/manwhohasitall">Twitter</a> account / <a href="https://www.facebook.com/MANWHOHASITALL">Facebook</a> page -<br />@ManWhoHasItAll<br />'Top tips for men juggling a successful career and fatherhood.'<br /><br />And I'm reminded how glad I am that I chose a man <br />who doesn't see himself as 'mom's sidekick' but <br />really lives this whole egalitarian vibe on an every day basis.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>They are quite serious about their Baby Friendly Hospital certification</b> - there is no default nursery stay or mandatory stint in the incubator. <b>Skin-to-skin for an hour, within 5 min of birth is encouraged, every baby sleeps by mom, breastfeeding is assumed and encouraged and no artificial teats or artificial milk will be used without your consent.</b> (For more info on the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative click <a href="http://www.kznhealth.gov.za/babyfriendly1.pdf" target="_blank">here</a> to see a pdf.)<br />
<br />
So yeah, back to that clinic visit: <b>despite arriving late, and during lunch hour to boot, it was mostly painless.</b> Apparently I was supposed to have been there by 7am, but I got my book and paid R50 for my appointment (I'm not in their official catchment area). Waited at the ANC (ante-natal clinic) desk for the staff to come off lunch and redirect me - was <b>redirected to the HIV testing station</b>, then to another queue and another room to have my blood pressure, weight and pee-stick checked, then to another queue and room to have blood taken for further antenatal testing, <b>and then in to see the resident midwife who did the usual data collection</b> (previous births and pregnancies, health issues etc) and belly palpation.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOaB8E06CopBEfD8SCEG7J8QKolQS6olsc-_KXaoKb-B1jpdY04cIgM_vk303ZJgWdPtkkWT53SnBbCvMMYbUkXDPyhW499kxoTszmY7D4xZffQn7PiGPbLKFEvlxarxetw45GnojrA_k/s1600/2015-12-03+04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOaB8E06CopBEfD8SCEG7J8QKolQS6olsc-_KXaoKb-B1jpdY04cIgM_vk303ZJgWdPtkkWT53SnBbCvMMYbUkXDPyhW499kxoTszmY7D4xZffQn7PiGPbLKFEvlxarxetw45GnojrA_k/s400/2015-12-03+04.jpg" width="221" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my new outfits...<br />Photobombed!</td></tr>
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<b>If I had come on time, my blood results would have been ready for collection before I left</b>, but as it stands I'll need to collect them at a later stage. Two and a half hours altogether - and despite some signage mishaps i.e. not knowing where to go next, the staff were all very helpful. <b>As I said, mostly painless. </b><br />
<br />
<h4>
Get on my belly!</h4>
<br />
Some other great news this week, which has alleviated much of my daily frustration, is that I bought a bag of second hand maternity clothes from someone on Facebook... <b>What joy to have pants that just fit and shirts that are comfy without being too snug! I'm not sure how I managed pregnancy without maternity clothes before! </b>Over the next few weeks I'll be posting some of my outfits. It really helps to feel confident and comfortable in what you're wearing.<br />
<br />
<h4>
Speaking of Size</h4>
<br />
<b>Apparently baby is about the size of a pawpaw / papaya - 27 cm from crown to heel and 19 cm from crown to rump - so a small pawpaw by Durban standards!</b> The midwife I saw at St Mary's said <b>it seemed like fundal height was showing as 24 weeks (i.e. the height of the top of the uterus)</b>, and <b>the sonographer also thought baby was looking a bit bigger than average</b>. I'm not too stressed - I'm sure of my dates as I keep track of my cycle, so even with cycle irregularities taken into account I can't be more than a week out, and <b>even if baby is a little bigger than the last two were, I'm sure I'll manage!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbrbaDMk4veUvFHgX0rcgV8lyYVUahz1l50nynQYqXhTpuf_yxQBdhHSE83HOwD_Swk9hnCo36tc5EZU7ItmLFuq8yuHj1sywu7o4xJmKPMzDsBZE3ShByJNEzho_zEr1qVyK8ymGHCI/s1600/Papaya.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifbrbaDMk4veUvFHgX0rcgV8lyYVUahz1l50nynQYqXhTpuf_yxQBdhHSE83HOwD_Swk9hnCo36tc5EZU7ItmLFuq8yuHj1sywu7o4xJmKPMzDsBZE3ShByJNEzho_zEr1qVyK8ymGHCI/s320/Papaya.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Papaya_(2).jpg#/media/File:Papaya_(2).jpg">Wikimedia Commons</a> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I often hear of women reporting back from their gynae appointments with something along the lines of <b>'I'm 28 weeks but the gynae says that the baby is measuring 30 weeks' </b>or that their due date was brought forward again. <b>Now that doesn't mean that your baby time-traveled somehow and became 31 weeks mature all of a sudden</b>, all it means is that compared to the average baby at 28 weeks of gestation, your baby is the size of the average baby at 30 weeks gestation. <b>About that... ultrasounds are not considered reliable late in pregnancy.</b> Even the machine manufacturers say that macrosomia (big baby) cannot be diagnosed with enough certainty to indicate a caesarean, and <b>even then, caesarean birth is not necessarily the best choice for so called 'big' babies</b>. (An excellent link on this <a href="http://evidencebasedbirth.com/evidence-for-induction-or-c-section-for-big-baby/">here.</a>)<br />
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<br />
<h4>
Feminist Frustrations</h4>
<br /><br />
<b>Maybe I'm being oversensitive, but the reaction to 'We're having a baby boy,' seems disproportionately enthusiastic. </b>We really are and were truly indifferent to whether we were having a boy or a girl, but everyone seems to assume that we must automatically be super excited that we're having a boy after our two girls, <b>as if we would somehow be missing out if we had had another girl. </b>But then I may be the one overreacting...<br />
<br />
<h4>
Camping Adventures</h4>
<b><br /></b>
<b>A couple of weeks back I thought it might be nice for us to take the girls camping</b>, before I get too big, and before we become a family of 5 with no space for camping gear in the car... We picked a spot nearby, at the beach, packed the camping gear we had, borrowed some bits that we needed, took a day of leave and headed on our merry way. <b>The first evening was great, if slightly cramped with all four of us in a four man tent </b>- who made up those sizes anyway? There is no way 4 men could fit themselves and their bags in that tent<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoiJ0ucJT1UeNFTNN2CeYdYEuN280cqB0Zxn6SIyTmubSR82NsI50ZdzKpFjX0mvxVENEnEg2TKPCUgi4tOXVFnHw5O2OtkpLX4MDoYmuQUlFim9GSXqGuS2_-R0PuNZcYLsfSkixxbAQ/s1600/4-Man-Tent-Campmaster-Junior-II-20150703233534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoiJ0ucJT1UeNFTNN2CeYdYEuN280cqB0Zxn6SIyTmubSR82NsI50ZdzKpFjX0mvxVENEnEg2TKPCUgi4tOXVFnHw5O2OtkpLX4MDoYmuQUlFim9GSXqGuS2_-R0PuNZcYLsfSkixxbAQ/s320/4-Man-Tent-Campmaster-Junior-II-20150703233534.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A little something like this...</td></tr>
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comfortably unless they were in the snow and needed to keep each other warm... but anyway.<br />
<br />
Besides the wind it was ok. <b>The next day though, it started raining.</b> Fortunately hubby's folks were joining us at the resort, but were staying in one of the apartments on the property. We ate with them that night even though we had planned a potjie - <b>what should have been a stew cooked in a three legged pot over hot coals became a stew cooked in a stainless steel pot on a regular stove. </b>It still tasted good though. Anyway, they could only get a 6 sleeper apartment - which was just as well, because <b>we discovered our tent was leaking in 7 different spots, and it rained the second and third nights...</b> So we were grateful for the warm dry beds!<br />
The girls had a great time though, and I really appreciated the heated pool - I am such a wuss when it comes to cold water! <b>Not sure when we'll attempt the camping thing again soon though - we'll definitely need a bigger car next time! I was stowing food under the chairs and fitting shoes in wherever there was a gap... It was quite something!</b><br />
<br />
<b>Other than that, not much to report here, other than that we are happy and healthy and expanding in all directions! </b><br />
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<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-23661507504478523652015-11-20T02:42:00.000-08:002015-11-21T02:41:20.205-08:00Durban Doula Pregnancy Diary Week 20<h3>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFolaSpEniBO-xngfjSQ-b4L6NTPDqELL1Yqv6NStLgHZdW0_pH4wLDt-huVUcrz92ZD9vy1cy4yFL7GjLnUi_dBetszO-Ibi1Z3M3hLFhc2SQOUDpnxcA0v4l_N6Wr6ZMFwcDDkWWB0/s1600/20151119_071412B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFolaSpEniBO-xngfjSQ-b4L6NTPDqELL1Yqv6NStLgHZdW0_pH4wLDt-huVUcrz92ZD9vy1cy4yFL7GjLnUi_dBetszO-Ibi1Z3M3hLFhc2SQOUDpnxcA0v4l_N6Wr6ZMFwcDDkWWB0/s320/20151119_071412B.jpg" width="91" /></a>20 weeks now, which means we're</h3>
<h3>
HALF WAY THERE!!</h3>
<h3>
What the heck... how did that happen?</h3>
<br />
<b>So, as you know I had my once scan this week.</b> We did want to find out the sex of the baby, partly because the girls were totally convinced we were having a boy, and for various other reasons - although we really were totally unfazed with either possibility.<br />
<br />
<b>And besides the fact that everything is totally normal and spot on for a healthy pregnancy and birth and baby, </b>we also discovered that our third little sproglet is most certainly, definitely, no doubt about it....<br />
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<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
A BABY!</h3>
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<b>But beyond that, Jansen sproglet #3 also possesses the plumbing of a little boy. And he wasn't shy about letting us all know. I'm not posting that pic online, because that's just creepy, but even I could see what was going on!</b><br />
<br />
So anyway, much excitement ensued. <b>We have almost decided on a name, but we are keeping that, at least, a secret. The grannies are so excited that they can go shopping now!</b><br />
<br />
<b>The feminist in me is slightly irked by the huge fuss about baby's sex, and the intense gender stereotyping that starts happening before the sproglet is even born</b>, but we deal with that as it comes.<br />
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<b>That wasn't all that happened this week...</b><br />
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<h4>
<i>Bellies</i></h4>
<br />
<b>At 20 weeks I am well and truly in the thick of things.</b> (Excuse the pun.) My belly finally looks truly pregnant, and to be honest, <b>I keep getting a fright when I look down and it's there...</b> weird I know. It's a bit like when you have a cavity and your tongue keeps searching it out. I feel like my belly has just popped out and I just want to touch it the whole time.<br />
<br />
<b>On belly touching, I really don't have a stress with friends touching my belly to be honest, it is so lovely to be part of a community that celebrates this baby with me! </b>At church this week a lady came and asked if I wouldn't mind her knitting something for the baby. I have spoken to her once or twice, before but was so touched by her open heartedness. I honestly can't imagine having a baby without a community like this!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEionGOaYjDWliIr64uDeofLueBSbqGZF5mE-moskz8rP86sKYBGdLqolssq4NCuF47wQprAARGdnugqTRzcSHE8NWGl1xhCWg-d2yKR0XjZtSzyM7VDAnp1W5NucsSNDTIPxIAHMOAMO38/s1600/Banana-Single.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEionGOaYjDWliIr64uDeofLueBSbqGZF5mE-moskz8rP86sKYBGdLqolssq4NCuF47wQprAARGdnugqTRzcSHE8NWGl1xhCWg-d2yKR0XjZtSzyM7VDAnp1W5NucsSNDTIPxIAHMOAMO38/s320/Banana-Single.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8a/Banana-Single.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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<br />
<b>More about bellies - dad and both</b><br />
<b>the girls have felt the baby move this week. </b>Hubby said it's watching my belly grow that makes things feel more real for him, not the movement so much, but my eldest daughter's response to the baby moving was so precious - she marveled at how strong the kick was. <b>'My hand almost bounced off your belly!' she says.</b><br />
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It's not surprising that the kicks are quite strong, <b>baby is about 16.4cm from crown to rump, and about 25.6cm from crown to heel - that's about half the length of my first two at birth! So apparently that makes baby banana sized now. The girls love the fresh produce comparisons. Centimetres don't really mean much to them, but they know bananas!</b><br />
<h4>
</h4>
<h4>
<i>Fitting it all in </i></h4>
<br />
<b>I'm desperate to go on Christmas leave and do some sorting in the house!</b> But first we have the end of term to get through... It's not so bad this time with both girls at the same school - I think it will be slightly more complicated when they are at different schools next year!<br />
<br />
<b>I'm also struggling to get enough exercise although I have been gardening a bit which is great for squats and the like, but not so good for cardio!</b> I really need to make time to go walking and / or do aqua as summer comes, as I can feel my hips are already feeling a bit unstable.<b> I didn't realise how much ballet helped with my previous pregnancies!</b> With my second I was teaching up until a week before she was born! It really helped keep me fit and toned - although I do remember sometimes feeling dizzy from standing so much.<br />
<h4>
</h4>
<h4>
<i>Food weirdness </i></h4>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirD3BVv9DYtPinw_i6wJQw1i-POb_fGQ_o5D1Tx8l_3CcsjdWFcsqDFsaIRPTyaJ0gOrwxHuEsvDGwQAtt-fuih04TE7ZlVXU_Vj3jUXeyEd9ci4IaCMBllF5Ny1gPsupRgjbNTRl3eFE/s1600/Buffalo_Wings_Half_Durky_a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirD3BVv9DYtPinw_i6wJQw1i-POb_fGQ_o5D1Tx8l_3CcsjdWFcsqDFsaIRPTyaJ0gOrwxHuEsvDGwQAtt-fuih04TE7ZlVXU_Vj3jUXeyEd9ci4IaCMBllF5Ny1gPsupRgjbNTRl3eFE/s320/Buffalo_Wings_Half_Durky_a.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spur's Chicken Wings - the half portion!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On that dizziness, <b>this last week I had two days where I even felt dizzy sitting in a chair.</b> Then I realised I had forgotten to take my iron and magnesium for a couple of days - and once I took them again I felt a thousand times better. I think part of the problem has been that I've struggled to eat meat this pregnancy - except for Spur Chicken Wings - I can eat a 'to share' portion of those on my own! Other than that I struggle to get meat down my throat without gagging, that and egg for some reason. So I'll take the chicken wings when I can get them!<br />
<br />
Oddly enough, I was out with some friends at a birthday breakfast for another friend the other day, and the thought of getting bacon and eggs into my belly was giving me cold shivers, even at R25 a shot, so I took the plunge and ordered a half portion of wings which went down a treat...<b> Yes. I was that crazy pregnant lady noshing on spicy durky chicken wings at 9 am while everyone else was deciding how they wanted their eggs.</b> I felt quite decadent. At least I have an excuse! (And, as crazy as it sounds, me and bacon are really not getting along at the moment!)<br />
<b><br /></b>
<i><b>How expensive are babies?</b></i><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBI6QBZBC0V_NOr5uXoRXEzQ-sL6oPmmekoy0em7lU_-JJ8HFOGGKGAOgVnelsr9y1Jm-6c3S3kyyIycryQtLv6MPrzz_GUkCv0qt-RSfnfjJHt5gi05BnC-mmYi9x_zc5U15viMO96iY/s1600/RegistryChecklist_BRU_041015-page-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBI6QBZBC0V_NOr5uXoRXEzQ-sL6oPmmekoy0em7lU_-JJ8HFOGGKGAOgVnelsr9y1Jm-6c3S3kyyIycryQtLv6MPrzz_GUkCv0qt-RSfnfjJHt5gi05BnC-mmYi9x_zc5U15viMO96iY/s320/RegistryChecklist_BRU_041015-page-001.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 'must-have' list part I<br />
(Click to zoom)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>I can never get over how much money people will spend on baby gear... </b>I sometimes get the feeling that moms think that the more money you throw at something, the better it will turn out - like birth for instance - you must have the best (i.e. most expensive) gynae to get the best care, and a midwife that charges a small percentage of what the gynea charges can't be giving an equivalent or superior level of care. This also counts for hospitals - <b>in my doula work I find the state hospitals have after birth care and policies that are streaks ahead of 99% of private institutions</b>. Their breastfeeding advice is far better and women get much better support - and I almost feel sorry for the women spending a fortune at private institutions thinking they must be getting the best care, when often the advice given and policies implemented are, in my experience, severely outdated and not in the best interests of mom or baby.<br />
<br />
So yeah, I also often feel moms should wait a couple of months after baby is born to decide what gear to get. <b>I can't tell you how many moms have bought gorgeous wooden cots and compactums and portable baby baths, running into thousands of rands, only to end up cosleeping, changing nappies on the go and bathing baby in a tub in the big bath!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1VnEbJmdg9W62JQWxtuM2XNbZy0Sbg35mmGeF6wb-iFZjKKUkMp9IpGG1F2I3NCmUgT5iMsW1Ugxvz_sG-tm6hwFZ2ai01o5yntlmMr9SwOqSVGwONZ5E0PedcHaB6ZeFode-xYs18g/s1600/RegistryChecklist_BRU_041015-page-002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX1VnEbJmdg9W62JQWxtuM2XNbZy0Sbg35mmGeF6wb-iFZjKKUkMp9IpGG1F2I3NCmUgT5iMsW1Ugxvz_sG-tm6hwFZ2ai01o5yntlmMr9SwOqSVGwONZ5E0PedcHaB6ZeFode-xYs18g/s320/RegistryChecklist_BRU_041015-page-002.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 'must-have' list part II - so you can 'rest easy' <br />
knowing you are 'as prepared as possible'. <br />
Can we sue for false advertising?<br />
Never as the retailer what you need!<br />
(Click to Zoom)</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>In short, please don't ask the saleslady at the baby shop what you will need! Ask a mom who seems happy being a mom, whose parenting style you admire and who is in a similar financial situation to yours - she will be able to give you a much better idea of what works and what doesn't!</b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b>
<b>Or, you could take your doula shopping with you</b> - I sometimes wish moms would do that - then at least they would have an idea beforehand of what is really worth the money and what isn't, and what alternatives exist,<b> in the interests of informed choice and all that.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhixlaq3WmxQafaL70dGE28cWDjTq-SKmX8OPesVzMZIkBZaJKnycYcbAACLR26BssN068p1vB2Ffei1JDFOrczjmN6Pm3HtI5vZGxE0djfL-niwGp-isQWeGNsQ-0WJTcErEcQnECa_C0/s1600/travel+syste.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhixlaq3WmxQafaL70dGE28cWDjTq-SKmX8OPesVzMZIkBZaJKnycYcbAACLR26BssN068p1vB2Ffei1JDFOrczjmN6Pm3HtI5vZGxE0djfL-niwGp-isQWeGNsQ-0WJTcErEcQnECa_C0/s320/travel+syste.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Travel System - great for carting groceries around <br />
while baby sleeps in your arms!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>For example, my favourite baby carriers / slings are not sold at your usual baby gear outlets, and you won't find a wide variety of cloth nappies there either. </b>I prefer not to take that baby bucket seat out of the car (spending too much time in those seats can cause spinal issues) so the whole travel system thing doesn't work for me either, and <b>I'd much rather take my baby shopping in a sling or wrap than packing all my groceries in the pram while I hold a screaming baby anyway, but that is another story.</b><br />
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<b>Also, there are plenty of places to get good quality, second hand baby gear </b>- an option that is friendlier on your pocket and on the environment!<br />
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<b>I guess there is also a little bit of chagrin on my part that women will spend 3k on a compactum (i.e. glorified chest of drawers) and 5k on a cot that may end up becoming laundry storage, 7k on a travel system too big to take anywhere and another bunch on nursery decor, but 3k for a doula is just too much... </b>But, placing my own issues aside, babies don't have to be as expensive as we make them, and spending more money doesn't automatically make you a good parent. <b>*Rant Over*</b><br />
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After all that, reaching this point in the pregnancy has really got me thinking about what we will need for this baby.<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Cosleeper</b> - I made myself one of these last time, and used the long pillow as a pregnancy pillow. The dog attacked that one, so I'm going to need to make myself another one soon! <b>In case you were wondering, we didn't use a cot at all with #2 - this was it. And in case you were wondering, she sleeps beautifully now!</b></li>
</ul>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx1PpfAlh8DxnFZnlq5hiJzOAU63nJULO_mvoIv2_bjZG3PLFUAw9mojcw0crkIPqu1FwzgumwlXIC1WHuxUXsBceXtLTeTjPk4pZDZgj1EJ1t9K4WyDq9cG_taE7Rw8Jujaa-di4crv0/s1600/humanity+cosleeper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx1PpfAlh8DxnFZnlq5hiJzOAU63nJULO_mvoIv2_bjZG3PLFUAw9mojcw0crkIPqu1FwzgumwlXIC1WHuxUXsBceXtLTeTjPk4pZDZgj1EJ1t9K4WyDq9cG_taE7Rw8Jujaa-di4crv0/s1600/humanity+cosleeper.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><a href="http://www.humanityorganics.com/humanity-family-sleeper.html" target="_blank">Humanity Cosleeper</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<ul>
<li><b>Car Chair</b> - Another car seat and possibly an extra booster too to make sure we can fit all the kids in our car.<b> It's that or a new car... so maybe we'll go with the car seat for now. </b></li>
<li><b>Cash </b>- to pay our midwife. <b>Medical Aids only pay about 25% of what a home birth costs, even though a home birth costs only about 25% of what a normal vaginal birth without epidural costs in hospital.</b> But anyway.</li>
<li><b>Donut - </b>We were lent one last time - so possibly looking at going the second hand route for one of these.</li>
<li><b>Clothes</b> - We have mountains of frills and flounces... which will now be donated to a good cause - but very little that I could use for a boy, so that is a biggie. <b>Gender stereotypes again, I know!</b></li>
<li><b>Home birth supplies</b> - <b>Linen savers, pliers, maternity pads, chloroform, biting sticks and industrial plastic to line the birth pool.</b></li>
<li><b>Coconut oil</b> - <b>I use it for everything! </b>Bum Cream, massage oil - everything! Beyond that we don't use too many lotions and potions on baby skin so we're sorted. </li>
<li><b>Washing Machine</b> - Ours is almost ten years old and has been serving us faithfully for all that time, but is starting to show signs of slowing down, so we are looking at getting a slightly larger one with better water usage... <b>I must admit that on the whole I'm a little concerned that our appliances are reaching that age. You know 'that age'?</b> Our fridge is also nearly ten years old, and starting to feel too small for our growing family, and <b>our dishwasher is over 20 years old and irreplaceable bits are starting to rust</b>, but I guess we'll need to cross (or wash) those bridges when we get to them... (<b>Update</b>: <b>Our washing machine gave up the ghost a day or so after I wrote this! Typical!</b> But fortunately for us, a friend needed to get their machine sold this weekend, so we are taking it over. On the rest, we'll have to wait and see!)</li>
<li>and possibly some other bits and bobs like reusable breast pads and gel ice packs and whatevers... </li>
</ul>
<br />
I'm sure I'll think of some 'nice to haves' along the way, but that's pretty much it!<br />
<b>I have a full stash of cloth nappies:</b> some that I used with my older daughters, and some new ones I've bought since. Like I mentioned a couple of weeks back, I also bought some newborn cloth nappies and a friend offered to lend me her stash of newborn nappies to supplement mine - so we are all taken care of there!<br />
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<b>Yay for budget babies!</b><br />
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<b>PS I was joking about the choloform.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>PPS And the pliers... and yes, the biting stick too. </b><br />
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(Find my Week 18 Pregnancy Diary <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/11/durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-18.html" target="_blank">here</a> in case you missed it.)<br />
<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-70414691161611752742015-11-05T00:14:00.000-08:002015-11-21T02:42:28.601-08:00Durban Doula Pregnancy Diary Week 18<h3>
Week 18 of the Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary!</h3>
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<b>I was wondering how I was going to find something to write every two weeks, but even with a third baby (6th pregnancy, but more but that later) there is always something happening!</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYb8apJEbIOYosbai-vkk7B3ynas-j8iVu3zjPTwLl2qZf_h8HPwsYg3AngN6wjdyNp_HGkDCutZI3NYgaLskMQOVzeoD7FqTR7B1D6B5mmp1E95YUwUSdhGVfhbFXMdSZGOWHmJ-IxBo/s1600/12107840_507524792745949_6046142761990895866_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYb8apJEbIOYosbai-vkk7B3ynas-j8iVu3zjPTwLl2qZf_h8HPwsYg3AngN6wjdyNp_HGkDCutZI3NYgaLskMQOVzeoD7FqTR7B1D6B5mmp1E95YUwUSdhGVfhbFXMdSZGOWHmJ-IxBo/s200/12107840_507524792745949_6046142761990895866_n.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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Well one of the most exciting things about the last few weeks is that <b>we won a birth photography package from <a href="http://www.sarahjanephotography.co.za/" target="_blank">Sarah Jane Photography</a></b>, a photographer based in Hillcrest here in KwaZulu-Natal. <b>The prize includes a full birth photography package and a mini-maternity shoot and from the pics I've seen on her <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Sarah-Jane-Photography-109032829261816" target="_blank">Facebook page</a> and website, this is going to be amazing!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigynD9ZtTQsDPJNOKIHB-XVYY8JBeyjyAg1YIsSzpg0X9YGIhU8A0Qq_1Q90-2c2_8Lc9nfekDJd0dGjL5vMydTGETXS0xO4IRY2aIJftM6aQE_TXYCsWUBdudgDXyy9NcuFMh5zZDehI/s1600/12039340_501996329965462_165227901742857488_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigynD9ZtTQsDPJNOKIHB-XVYY8JBeyjyAg1YIsSzpg0X9YGIhU8A0Qq_1Q90-2c2_8Lc9nfekDJd0dGjL5vMydTGETXS0xO4IRY2aIJftM6aQE_TXYCsWUBdudgDXyy9NcuFMh5zZDehI/s400/12039340_501996329965462_165227901742857488_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.sarahjanephotography.co.za/" target="_blank">Sarah Jane Photography</a></td></tr>
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<b>Getting good photos is important to us, but not something we can usually afford.</b> My hubby struggles with memory issues, which means photographs are almost a necessity when it comes to big events, so we we are so excited about winning this prize!<br />
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<b>So two weeks to go until our scan</b>, and in the interests of budget babies, I'm going to a private sonographer (i.e. one not attached to a hospital or franchise) and <b>this scan is going to cost me less than my first scan with my first daughter over seven years ago... Giving birth and having babies doesn't have to break the bank!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20LcKRhRUAYKaVdvacUGFhde9lKUa9e-7M-ZznUzqWTEVdRLZVKzvaKmsKNm5GBKhUm97Gclprb2oAswUBL89ef3y-OOiDsanf2nLuTe-vFjx0fQ3TPQy2zfnvgE4_CnBkkbT6MwMP0s/s1600/12182444_10153698448285320_3292382159385758459_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20LcKRhRUAYKaVdvacUGFhde9lKUa9e-7M-ZznUzqWTEVdRLZVKzvaKmsKNm5GBKhUm97Gclprb2oAswUBL89ef3y-OOiDsanf2nLuTe-vFjx0fQ3TPQy2zfnvgE4_CnBkkbT6MwMP0s/s320/12182444_10153698448285320_3292382159385758459_o.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Introductions</td></tr>
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This week I popped in with Arlen Ege, my midwife in Pietermaritzburg, on the same afternoon that I went to visit my most recent client. All is good so no worries! I'll have my next checkup with my backup, and then back to Arlen again after that.<br />
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<b>In case you're wondering why I am seeing a midwife so far away from me - 45 minutes' drive - Arlen was there for my second daughter's birth and I honestly couldn't imagine inviting anyone else to be there.</b> I work with Arlen reasonably often as a doula, more often than I do with any other midwife, and <b>we know we work well together and I feel like there is a mutual trust there which I really appreciate. </b><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYc85BTcVxKsnZBUzNrir4LtjWCsVgrYwV0uOtY7fNNc2y3FsR3ICz8y6UWeBM0ctprOiIPbXCDvPg__kGT_gr_XtlX1nZrIsSnM0VE3p_-PVY3c0bSNXbQiX_rWXIEwIUdw4oCjz9yRc/s1600/12184031_10153698439175320_5000002591327666744_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYc85BTcVxKsnZBUzNrir4LtjWCsVgrYwV0uOtY7fNNc2y3FsR3ICz8y6UWeBM0ctprOiIPbXCDvPg__kGT_gr_XtlX1nZrIsSnM0VE3p_-PVY3c0bSNXbQiX_rWXIEwIUdw4oCjz9yRc/s320/12184031_10153698439175320_5000002591327666744_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So alert!</td></tr>
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So about that client - I linked to her <a href="http://www.avbacsummer.blogspot.co.za/2014/01/charlottes-birth-story-my-very-long.html" target="_blank">first VBAC birth story</a> in my previous post, and <b>she had a second successful VBAC on Monday morning this week! It ended up being an unintentional, unassisted home birth but mom was absolutely overjoyed! Full story on my blog <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/p/kaths.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBNbZa9mYL1c2A0Bb94oMVPGHw8dDieE8MI832FwGLcaeedcVhJR3A2QULoB4lE02bBi8MZVtfibVKeNG9Y0zYuR2aGHLKEvvJavs3neg23po_P7okYEBfCeP-GIDRjWHyFt1qTGgDnCs/s1600/Red_capsicum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBNbZa9mYL1c2A0Bb94oMVPGHw8dDieE8MI832FwGLcaeedcVhJR3A2QULoB4lE02bBi8MZVtfibVKeNG9Y0zYuR2aGHLKEvvJavs3neg23po_P7okYEBfCeP-GIDRjWHyFt1qTGgDnCs/s320/Red_capsicum.jpg" width="227" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Red_capsicum_and_cross_section.jpg#/media/File:Red_capsicum_and_cross_section.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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<b>According to various internet sources, our littlest one is the size of a bell pepper now - although if baby was supposed to be avocado sized last week, I'm not sure what's happening! </b>Maybe in Ameria the bell peppers are huge and the avos are small, because <b>here in South Africa the avos are usually bigger than the peppers! </b>Actual measurements do help though - so we know that <b>baby is probably just over 14cm long from crown to rump and weighs just under 200g...</b> <b>And this little one is particularly active!</b> I have been feeling definite baby movements quite regularly for the last 2 weeks now, and I am absolutely loving it!<br />
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<b>So next time you hear from me, I'll be chatting about how having babies doesn't have to be as expensive as people generally believe, and of course I'll be sharing some updates from our scan! <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/11/durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-20.html" target="_blank">See you then...</a></b><br />
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(In case you missed it, find Week 16's Pregnancy Diary <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/10/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-16.html" target="_blank">here</a>.)Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-15394906509959737832015-10-21T09:13:00.000-07:002015-11-21T02:43:55.056-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary Week 16<h3>
Week 16? Four months? WHAT?</h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekpTK62VgBudCG2rdnwVNlX0V8py3ELo3MIHLCC6ZkTm9EBKPOCn-mcb5dVFY8GOEEgkoPkJqZfXhwH5E-hfJje_uAZavVg8lz643k3l7-b10jQ2vgxrRC5adZm7UdaybRdn9bX_jcs8/s1600/20151021_165540+-+belly+view.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekpTK62VgBudCG2rdnwVNlX0V8py3ELo3MIHLCC6ZkTm9EBKPOCn-mcb5dVFY8GOEEgkoPkJqZfXhwH5E-hfJje_uAZavVg8lz643k3l7-b10jQ2vgxrRC5adZm7UdaybRdn9bX_jcs8/s320/20151021_165540+-+belly+view.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peep toe shoes peeping...</td></tr>
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I sometimes feel this is all passing me by a little too quickly... in four weeks I'll be half way there!<br />
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Maybe I'm feeling that way because things have been a little crazy this last week... crazy in a good way though.<br />
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<b>In this week's edition of my pregnancy diary: Goggles, Wardrobe Issues, </b><b>Belly Pics, C</b><b>loth Diapers and VBACs... and of course, the fresh produce size comparison</b><br />
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<b>Goggles</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
So my eldest daughter told me <b>I must get her some new goggles</b>, so that when the baby comes she is going to put her Hello Kitty swimming costume on, with her new goggles, and <b>she can watch the baby come out under the water</b>. Momma isn't too sure about how she feel about this, but ok, we'll see how it goes!<br />
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<b>My youngest (4) has also started whispering to baby (through my belly) </b>and then pressing her ear to my belly for an answer. They are both still utterly convinced we are having a boy.<br />
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<b>Wardrobe Issue</b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's been a hot day in<br />
Durban today!</td></tr>
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<b><br /></b>
One thing I am struggling with this time around is clothes. <b>I hate taking forever to get dressed, but honestly, I'm really running out here!</b> I think my style of dress has changed to a <i>slightly</i> more corporate feel since I was last pregnant over four years ago - <b>I don't have as many pants with elasticated waists as I used to have, and my blouses tend to be more fitting / structured than they were in the past.</b> So this week I'm planning to put everything I can't wear to one side in my wardrobe, so I don't get depressed having to look through it all every day in search of something I can still wear!<b> I think I am going to have to buy few items though </b>- I've already found some built in support vests with a bit of extra length that I can wear under everything else, and <b>I'm thinking of making myself some more harem pants</b>, the ones that look almost like a skirt, as I find them extremely comfortable - especially in summer when you can wear them as an 'all-in-one' just by pulling the elasticated band up over your chest. I think tops will be my biggest need though - I'll have a look through my sewing patterns and see what could work...<br />
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<b>Belly Pics </b><br />
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<b>About size, I honestly do feel much bigger this time than I did with either of the girls... </b>I don't know if I mentioned previously, but last time I was still wearing skinny jeans with no issues when I was 4 months pregnant. <b>I get that I sound like that annoying friend with no kids and an immaculate house who always profusely excuses the (non-existent) mess when you come over... </b><br />
<br />
But still, I still have those same skinny jeans and they are feeling much tighter on the belly. <b>So obviously the thought of twins crosses my mind</b>, as I think it does with every mom at 2 am in the morning. We'll have to wait until 20 weeks to find out though, but <b>honestly I think it's just a third pregnancy thing!</b> The girls seem pretty keen on twins though. <b>The eldest has already told me I'm having twin boys, and one of them can sleep by her, and when he wants mommy milkies, she'll bring him to me and take the other baby to sleep by her. </b>All organised!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4X2Za1AFuYKhxJzkdEZXsn2-8dkOLiqNk6aQL6DlV9I6huKVmZw5Rgi8bkCsDJWPmaAInfyYEeMIvUJouDjTaVUd5cO4MRCnCLkoAntZIM60HYfwlGypMpvPcfyRrfnyxWeYfxY5iA1U/s1600/Avocado.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4X2Za1AFuYKhxJzkdEZXsn2-8dkOLiqNk6aQL6DlV9I6huKVmZw5Rgi8bkCsDJWPmaAInfyYEeMIvUJouDjTaVUd5cO4MRCnCLkoAntZIM60HYfwlGypMpvPcfyRrfnyxWeYfxY5iA1U/s1600/Avocado.jpeg" /></a><b>Apparently baby is the size of an avocado now, about 11.6cm long (crown to rump) and weighing in at about 100g, although that weight is apparently due to double over the next two weeks! </b>And in true pregnancy fashion, this talk of avocados, and searching for free avocado images on the net has made me crave avocados - so I messaged hubby and asked him to bring some on his way home. <b>Apparently baby has started growing toenails and eyes and ears are getting closer to their final positions.</b><br />
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<b>Cloth Nappies</b><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My newborn cloth nappy 'stash' so far...</td></tr>
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<b>One thing about third babies, is that they get all the hand-me-downs from the bigger kids </b>in terms of car chairs and general baby gear - which is a great financial boost for us, but sometimes it is nice to have something special for this baby, and so being the pragmatic person that I am, <b>I bought some newborn sized reusable cloth nappies for this little sproglet</b>. <b>I used cloth nappies with both my girls, but before you panic, these are not your ouma's cloth nappies lying about in buckets of Steri-Nappy! </b>You get all sorts of different kinds now - some that are as easy to put on as disposables, some with snaps, some with velcro, and many with a 'One-Size-Fits-Most' style. <b>You can find out more about cloth nappies in South Africa on the FB group <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/430197693769839/" target="_blank">South African Cloth Nappy Users</a>, they'll direct you to the groups that are specifically set up for buying, selling and trading cloth nappies.</b><br />
<br />
<b>I was only one of two people I knew using them back in 2009 when my daughter was born, and back then there were only 4 brands available in SA; now there are many many more options in terms of style, colour, fabric and print!</b> To be honest I find the scope of choice quite overwhelming, where others love to have a collection of many different types.<br />
<br />
I started using them originally because <b>I couldn't bear the thought of my grown daughter one day asking what we were thinking letting every baby generate a couple of tons of biohazardous waste that would only start decomposing in 500 years in the name of 'convenience' - convenient for whom I'm sure she would ask?</b><br />
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Cloth nappies nowadays are so easy to wash, and I saved a fortune with my girls, as you can often reuse them for a second or third child, or if they are well looked after they can be sold once your babies are done with them. <b>It really was a no-brainer for me!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1vSJ4yG360d5U-m9boGwgLAzrn1cQWqQ9J3VppRZXBTfnhFBj9JjT6RJVf25eYFoTtmmMrrqRyWiVoK6f5mZGegQrZgqs9mnsktzXk8909fNAcukvSm6-6xHzogWRlCZOuuJUBrF8Zfk/s1600/20151021_130632+-+comparison.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1vSJ4yG360d5U-m9boGwgLAzrn1cQWqQ9J3VppRZXBTfnhFBj9JjT6RJVf25eYFoTtmmMrrqRyWiVoK6f5mZGegQrZgqs9mnsktzXk8909fNAcukvSm6-6xHzogWRlCZOuuJUBrF8Zfk/s320/20151021_130632+-+comparison.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Newborn nappy on the left, OSFM on the right!<br />
See that middle snap on the newborn nappy?<br />
You snap that down so it doesn't irritate the cord stump.<br />
Clever hey?</td></tr>
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So back to those newborn nappies... <b>the OSFM (One-Size-Fits-Most) did fit my babies from about 3.5kg onward, but they looked like little butternut bums!</b> There was none of this fancy newborn nappy stuff when I had either of my girls, so I thought to give them a try. I found a batch of 17 second hand newborn nappies for sale on the FB group mentioned above, and here you see them. I know they don't look that little in the picture all together, <b>but you can see they are teeny tiny compared with my OSFM nappies</b>! So anyway, the thing with newborn nappies is that you only use them for up to 2 months anyway (depending on the size of baby of course) and they don't need as much absorbency because you are changing them more often, so they are much trimmer to the extent that you can actually button up the button-up vest! I'd probably like to get a couple more so I'm keeping an eye out for any more second hand batches. <b>Because you only use them for such a short time, you can usually get a pretty good resale price for them, so you still save on nappies in the long run!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjodZ30WSCwHL87wLaPpfa5s0m-Jg5vUoGn7sfk2b7kosj5tZdfB_hR9Y1N_JonX4-851dFEdk7f-fXRWf2A0POeFdUoexf1DJOTsxRJh6l-N1ZuxgB9B3yX6YOXnRyW2wa-1zvnvQyHnA/s1600/Liam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjodZ30WSCwHL87wLaPpfa5s0m-Jg5vUoGn7sfk2b7kosj5tZdfB_hR9Y1N_JonX4-851dFEdk7f-fXRWf2A0POeFdUoexf1DJOTsxRJh6l-N1ZuxgB9B3yX6YOXnRyW2wa-1zvnvQyHnA/s320/Liam.jpg" width="176" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our littlest doula baby!<br />
(Shared with permission)</td></tr>
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Even though I'm pregnant, I'm still taking clients for a while as you know, and <b>I had the wonderful privilege of attending a beautiful VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean) last week. It was a midwife assisted water birth at a local hospital and after a long time of stop-start labour and irregular contractions, mom went from 6cm dilated to baby born in 45 minutes! So much for Friedman's curve! </b><br />
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<b>We did some of the positions from <a href="http://www.spinnningbabies.com/" target="_blank">Spinning Babies</a> and climbed lots of stairs to keep things going, as mom's waters had been broken and the Caesarean was booked for the next day if the baby wasn't there yet. Mom was very brave and strong throughout, and dad was an incredible support - it really was a lovely birth to be at. </b><br />
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Part of the craziness of that week was that I had a work deadline (I work in IT too!) and a parenting course that I had played a part in organising starting on the night that baby was born, <b>but fortunately hubby is incredibly capable and understands the nature of doula work and did a sterling job of filling in where I couldn't be</b>, along with a great team all working hard to make the course a success. <b>I don't think a doula or midwife-to-be could ask for a better support than that!</b><br />
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Speaking of VBACs, <b>I'm currently on call for a client who was my first VBAC nearly 2 years ago, planning her second VBAC. The story of her first birth is <a href="http://www.avbacsummer.blogspot.co.za/" target="_blank">here</a> </b>(scroll down a little to find the full story). So needless to say, we are both excited about the upcoming birth!<br />
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<b>I'm certainly going to miss the doula work while I'm tending a teeny baby of my own, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to having an excuse to lie in bed all day and cuddle with my littlest person! </b>I even find myself wanting to do that now, especially as I am feeling very distinctive movements. It's sometimes quite a struggle not to go into daydream mode!<br />
<br />
<b>So anyway, that's us for week 16! If you have any questions about anything I've mentioned, submit them below.</b><br />
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<b>Also, Subscribe via email using the box on the right to make sure you don't miss out on any future posts - like week 18's diary <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/11/durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-18.html" target="_blank">here</a> - and in case you missed week 14, you can find that <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/10/durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-14.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</b>Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-14173381644416991192015-10-09T22:31:00.002-07:002015-11-21T02:45:11.941-08:00Durban Doula's Pregnancy Diary - Week 14<br />
<h3>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmqjgZs4bBbzx9mKpW2lR__LjCwkwooUl3j5jgaQavxWjdtFO2O2RfzXEpiFT-zf5W2X1OVIDd4Do-QuDjt4cvI3puZva-U4NpjWd-T0QfLm2WE_ReMFPmAHBkgdjo2dYa0qCVdSGaanw/s1600/Lemon_closeup+edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmqjgZs4bBbzx9mKpW2lR__LjCwkwooUl3j5jgaQavxWjdtFO2O2RfzXEpiFT-zf5W2X1OVIDd4Do-QuDjt4cvI3puZva-U4NpjWd-T0QfLm2WE_ReMFPmAHBkgdjo2dYa0qCVdSGaanw/s320/Lemon_closeup+edit.jpg" width="266" /></a>What another one?</h3>
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<b>No, not another baby, another blog post...</b> I know I said I was going to do one every month, but there is just too much to write, so I'll try one every two weeks and see how it goes.<br />
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<h3>
Our first appointment</h3>
<b><br /></b>
<b>So I saw our midwife, Arlen, this week - and I honestly can say I'm so glad I chose this model of care.</b> Our initial appointment was just under an hour long, we talked about the pregnancy so far, how I had recovered from the last birth, what plans were for this birth and various other bits about birthiness in general. <b>We checked all the vitals - peestick, weight, blood pressure and belly - and heard a little heartbeat too. It was great. It felt like home. </b><br />
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I also got my home birth shopping list, and contract and prices for various birthing options, and like last time,<b> the amount I'm paying for a home birth is still less than the co-payment I would have to make for a gynae in private practice </b>on an average hospital plan that pays 150% of medical aid rates - as many gynaes charge over 300% of medical aid rates. I can understand why, given all the insurance that needs to be paid, but that's a topic for another time. <b>Medical aids or hospital plans on the other hand, only pay 25-35% of the cost of a home birth - R2500-R4000 of R8000-R12000, even though I'd be saving them over 30k... Patriarchal prejudiced <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.co.za/2014/08/obstetrics-last-outpost-of-misogyny.html" target="_blank">misogynistic</a> mumble mumble mutter mutter...</b><br />
<br />
And, <b>as much as I have reservations about the safety of non-medically required ultrasound scans, (see last diary <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.co.za/2015/09/the-durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-12.html" target="_blank">here</a>), I admit I am a little excited for the one we are have in about 6 weeks' time. </b>I think we'll take the girls (4 & 6) along with us, as they seem to be more excited about this baby than anyone!<br />
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<b>Having said that, everyone seems so excited about this baby, which is so lovely for a third child!</b> I'm enjoying being pregnant, because I know this will probably be the last time, so even getting past the nausea was bittersweet, as crazy as that sounds!<br />
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<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Obligatory Fresh Produce Comparison </h3>
<b><br /></b>
<b>You thought I had forgotten about the obligatory pregnancy diary fresh produce comparison! Porridge brain has not set in quite so severely as that...</b><br />
<b><br />Well, baby is now about 8cm long (crown to rump) - about the size of a lemon.</b> He/she is growing hair, can make facial expressions, suck his or her thumb, and can even pee. <b>Yes, baby pees in the amniotic fluid, it gets absorbed by my body and gets processed by my kidneys so I can pee it out 53 1/2 times a day. At least it's easier than nappy changes!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<h3>
</h3>
<h3>
Irritable Uterus and the Doula Pregnancy Protocol</h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peesticks, irritable uteri and <br />
getting rid of baby pee - <br />
Toilets are an integral part of pregnancy<br />
<a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Toilet_in_german_theater_munich.JPG#/media/File:Toilet_in_german_theater_munich.JPG" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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<b></b><br />
<b></b>
<b>I am currently on call for possibly my last two clients before my own baby arrives, unless I get some clients for November and December. (Any takers? Last chance! Only taking one per month!)</b><br />
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<b>I'm not sure what the protocol is on doulas and maternity leave,</b> but I feel that January is a good time for me to stop, as <b>I'll be entering my third trimester and may not have the energy for the physical demands of doula work</b> - staying up all night, massaging for sometimes hours on end - it can get quite demanding, and by then I think my belly may be getting a bit large to be getting in anyone's space!<br />
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<b>I have also experienced 'irritable uterus' with my last two pregnancies - yes, that is a thing!</b><br />
I can already feel reasonably strong Braxton-Hicks contractions - tightening of the uterus without downward pressure, considered to be toning up for the real thing - as I did with my first two. I haven't ever had problems with prematurity,<b> but it was uncomfortable having strong, and sometimes even painful contractions caused by over exertion, dehydration, a full bladder, an empty bladder, touching my belly,or sometimes seemingly caused by nothing at all. </b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk3qbOh21mzROdxBj-Ah8dhjTHmfLsBbGcSYt5YqwPPMoL0f_tsVujrj7FeuL7Uuu58WNyDtuxPJ1ZJbdPBYE7Cm-T_pih1EJeSDfknFzXguKPMIJG5H2S5vpqjfNHlLqJkcTpUpk_FK4/s1600/plant+nanny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk3qbOh21mzROdxBj-Ah8dhjTHmfLsBbGcSYt5YqwPPMoL0f_tsVujrj7FeuL7Uuu58WNyDtuxPJ1ZJbdPBYE7Cm-T_pih1EJeSDfknFzXguKPMIJG5H2S5vpqjfNHlLqJkcTpUpk_FK4/s200/plant+nanny.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Plant Nanny</b> - Available on Apple, <br />
Android and Windows devices</td></tr>
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<b>I'm being more diligent with making sure I get enough magnesium and drinking enough water this time around,</b> and I'm hoping that will help, but I thinking booking clients for my third trimester would still be unwise, for me and for them!<br />
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By the by, I'm using a little app called <a href="http://fourdesire.com/works/plantnanny" target="_blank">Plant Nanny</a> to help me remember to drink water, and it seems to be working!<br />
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<b>After the birth I think I'll need to take about a year's break from taking on doula clients, perhaps more</b> depending on the personality of this little sproglet. I may still be able to do some volunteer work as that usually involves a set period of time, primarily in daylight hours. <b>Again, this is one of those bittersweet things, letting go of something I love so much for a season, but that's just what it is, a season.</b> Ideally I'd love to be a private midwife one day, so it makes sense to have my own children sooner rather than later.<br />
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As much as I will miss doula work, <b>I am so looking forward to newborn snuggles!</b> I went to help a friend with breastfeeding her newborn this last week, and those teeny tiny fingers and toes always undo me!<br />
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<h3>
<b>Other birthy things I'm thinking of right now... </b></h3>
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<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9oxvxF__0BpVeSAcGhGEp7uvOxE40avJEkzrLy5NTM3uCZ9_39xkfaPWqjB6l32BXx7J-fa455FZ2OZI2ibQdX0hXF8GkgndHcqG7rW0AvUCYdy5skJl8b0WmrS2h06fPJ6-Da9joQ-0/s1600/Red+Daihatsu+Sirion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9oxvxF__0BpVeSAcGhGEp7uvOxE40avJEkzrLy5NTM3uCZ9_39xkfaPWqjB6l32BXx7J-fa455FZ2OZI2ibQdX0hXF8GkgndHcqG7rW0AvUCYdy5skJl8b0WmrS2h06fPJ6-Da9joQ-0/s200/Red+Daihatsu+Sirion.jpg" width="200" /></a>
<li>Trying to think of <b>how to fit three car seats in our Daihatsu Sirion</b></li>
<li><b>Sorting out the girls' playroom and unpacking all of the boxes</b> of oddments from when we moved so it's not stressing me out when baby comes</li>
<li><b>Getting some newborn sized cloth nappies</b> - a luxury I didn't have with my first two - I just started them off on regular cloth nappies and they spent their first few weeks with butternut shaped bums!</li>
<li><b>Realizing how many safety gates we will need</b> for our new house (at least 3!)</li>
</ul>
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<b>One last funny thing...</b> Even as a doula and a third time mom who had great natural births with the first two, I do still have moments of consternation centered on the question, <b>'This baby is coming out where?'</b></div>
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<br />
So I pull a doula move on myself every now and then: Women all over the world do this all the time. Our bodies are designed to give birth, and so on.<br />
<br />
<b>I won't be quite so glib in my encouragement in future</b><br />
<br />
After seeing how much I just wrote, <b>I think once every two weeks might be doable</b> - not as much pressure as a weekly diary, and not as much marathon reading as a monthly one - what do you think?<br />
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<i>If you do want to get notifications of blog posts and pregnancy diary entries in your email, please subscribe by entering your email address in the box on the right, or follow me on Twitter on @DurbanDoula</i></div>
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<i>And if you have any questions about how this Durban Doula does pregnancy, ask away below and I'll address them in future posts. </i></div>
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<br />
Find Week 16's diary <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/10/durban-doulas-pregnancy-diary-week-16.html" target="_blank">here</a> and week 12 <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-12.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</div>
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Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-20414754883990851272015-09-28T09:39:00.001-07:002015-11-21T02:47:55.723-08:00The Durban Doula Pregnancy Diary - Week 12<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMvouX1DAx-ur1yKX7TR9BXWMthFfu10630NSjMuc4QAOeQuzzTMAsI29AtpnD36lZ7gDtmPlg08I4AxfI8EE3Ugaw3bjOTbI0-PBQx0rZ6mccQDXKjW2IO4R0qC5ijouFrJeqjxbiH9c/s1600/20150922_073400+6+year+old+toes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMvouX1DAx-ur1yKX7TR9BXWMthFfu10630NSjMuc4QAOeQuzzTMAsI29AtpnD36lZ7gDtmPlg08I4AxfI8EE3Ugaw3bjOTbI0-PBQx0rZ6mccQDXKjW2IO4R0qC5ijouFrJeqjxbiH9c/s320/20150922_073400+6+year+old+toes.jpg" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom's belly and 6-year-old's toes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h3>
<b>I think most moms breathe a sigh of relief when week 13 comes around!</b> </h3>
<b>My nausea is almost totally gone, dizziness too, and I feel like I have more energy than I have for the past 8 weeks. </b>On the first evening I still had some vooma left at 6pm, I chopped and I cooked and I baked - I felt like superwoman! It was great.<br />
<br />
<b>Twelve weeks is also that magical date when miscarriages become much less likely - but when you're pregnant I feel every day is a milestone!</b> I don't have any scan pictures for you because I'm not going for a 12 week scan - shock and horror, I know! But I do have some reasons for my decision:<br />
<br />
<b>Firstly, I know my cycle really well, so I know exactly how far along I am, so no need for a scan to establish date.</b><br />
<br />
<b>Secondly, even if the usual checks at 12 weeks did pick up something odd on the scan, I wouldn't do anything about it. </b>If there was a problem with the nuchal translucency measurements (used to pick up Downs Syndrome) I would not do an amniocentesis or even consider an abortion, because <b>I know how high the false positive rate is for those tests, and that up to 25% of Downs Syndrome cases aren't detected until birth anyway despite all the testing</b>. I also know the stats of how many healthy babies are miscarried because of the amniocentesis. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTlXL9dfPe4TEAJ1euUv1dXOc8Y2Y2cr4zmENGDMXujjDo4RM3LEb5bHG144Ls23vGcbwfCRbVbjU0UXNPc1Xd5xrHWeXqY0eoWaZyzlSA5AJyyq95XXh-dzgjnxFzdHkxXTLQnjsoStw/s1600/640px-Plum_on_tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTlXL9dfPe4TEAJ1euUv1dXOc8Y2Y2cr4zmENGDMXujjDo4RM3LEb5bHG144Ls23vGcbwfCRbVbjU0UXNPc1Xd5xrHWeXqY0eoWaZyzlSA5AJyyq95XXh-dzgjnxFzdHkxXTLQnjsoStw/s320/640px-Plum_on_tree.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby apparently measures 5.4cm from crown to rump - <br />
about the size of a plum!<br />
"Plum on tree" by byfir0002 via <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Plum_on_tree.jpg#/media/File:Plum_on_tree.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>For me, getting a possibly positive test would just cause unnecessary stress over something that I can't really do anything about.</b> I've had too many friends who were told they have placenta praevia or that baby had water on the brain or some other dire diagnosis, only to be told 8 weeks later that all was fine... <b>I'm thinking the effects of all those stress hormones on an otherwise healthy baby can't be good!</b><br />
<br />
<b>Having said that, I will go for a scan around 20 weeks, to check that we are all on track for the home birth we are planning, and yes, we will see if we can check gender</b>, purely because we have had two girls so we have mountains of dresses and frills, and I'd like to be able to know what to say if people ask if we need anything. If we can't see gender at that scan I don't think I would have another one just to check.<br />
<br />
<b>Furthermore, I am increasingly concerned about the risks of ultrasound scans,</b> especially 'recreational' scans i.e. scans that aren't medically necessary.<br />
<br />
Some links about possible risks of ultrasound scans:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sarahbuckley.com/ultrasound-scans-cause-for-concern" target="_blank"><i>Ultrasound Scans - Cause of Concern</i> - Dr Sarah Buckley</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://chriskresser.com/natural-childbirth-iib-ultrasound-not-as-safe-as-commonly-thought/" target="_blank"><i>Natural childbirth IIb: ultrasound not as safe as commonly thought </i>- Chris Kresser</a><br />
<br />
Concerns were being raised back in 1999 already!<br />
<a href="http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/ultrasound.asp" target="_blank"><i>Ultrasound: Weighing the Propaganda Against the Facts</i> - Beverley Lawrence Beech</a><br />
<br />
So as you saw above, we are planning a waterbirth at home. I had an <a href="http://www.giving-birth-naturally.net/water-birth-story-tmi.html" target="_blank">incredible home water birth with my second child</a>, and so I am due to go for my first checkup with the same midwife soon.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_2-TH6gzhxYDA8zkdU3VHzwME_GLRLfs0nWumgtnvuH3OI7YppLLrxPkOtfZPPGQqf7Z4N40u1RFelDM3EBr6NNXJQ9U3HR_YQG7UzawM5Cj2yLHRfpifV3Xwng2zsnYz450wrNOXzUs/s1600/20150922_073248+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_2-TH6gzhxYDA8zkdU3VHzwME_GLRLfs0nWumgtnvuH3OI7YppLLrxPkOtfZPPGQqf7Z4N40u1RFelDM3EBr6NNXJQ9U3HR_YQG7UzawM5Cj2yLHRfpifV3Xwng2zsnYz450wrNOXzUs/s320/20150922_073248+01.jpg" width="94" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking a bit tired!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>I am getting a little bump and I'm already having to use the hair elastic trick on the buttons on my pants to make extra space for my growing belly...</b><br />
<br />
One odd thing though, is that I won't feel any physical sensations in my womb area for a few days, and then <b>all on one day it will feel like everything is stretching and expanding and aching.</b> It would be fun to know what is happening on those days! Is it a growth spurt? Who knows?<br />
<br />
<b>I've had one or two flutters that I would like to believe are baby moving</b>, and as baby is just over 5cm in length (from crown to rump) I know it's not impossible. <b>They say second time moms can sometimes feel baby as early as 13 weeks, so maybe 12 weeks isn't such a stretch the third time around!</b><br />
<br />
That mystery is also part of the joy of pregnancy for me. <b>While I sleep my body feeds this baby and takes care of all its needs, and my baby gets on with the business of reaching and connecting and expanding... </b>all alone in the dark. It's like a little seed planted in the ground - all alone in the dark without any help or intervention, it somehow germinates and starts forming all the bits necessary to be a tree or a flower, and reaches for the light when the time is right.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTSA-bV2QEBYlVCW9BkXxmtEDzExAUxGczHKHRwYyGZ6SX_WVzBDYTkVorn628KLv1IBUzGron2_x96fhs9hgtbk8mK4An0Drsf5wc6jOw0XCrAG3ny0KxM5CIOsV23axcyEskdjDnXzo/s1600/20150922_073432+6+year+old.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTSA-bV2QEBYlVCW9BkXxmtEDzExAUxGczHKHRwYyGZ6SX_WVzBDYTkVorn628KLv1IBUzGron2_x96fhs9hgtbk8mK4An0Drsf5wc6jOw0XCrAG3ny0KxM5CIOsV23axcyEskdjDnXzo/s320/20150922_073432+6+year+old.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Big sister giving the belly some love!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The girls are super excited about the new baby - <b>they often ask me how big the baby is now, and love telling strangers at the shops that mommy has a baby growing in her tummy!</b><br />
<br />
<b>I also got my first two little gifts for the sproglet -</b> some newborn clothes and other bits and bobs - and I can't believe my girls were ever newborn sized! Those leggings are so tiny! But on the other hand, I am truly grateful they weren't bigger - for obvious reasons!<br />
<br />
So anyway, that's me for now...<br />
<b>Feel free to ask questions or add comments below!</b><br />
Keep an eye out for our 16 week diary! (Update: I decided to switch to posting every 2 weeks instead - so <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/10/durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-14.html" target="_blank">here is week 14</a>! And in case you missed it, you can find <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/08/taking-break.html" target="_blank">week 8 here.</a><br />
Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-73905301470547154532015-09-23T03:20:00.001-07:002015-09-23T03:20:03.423-07:00Thoughts on supporting young or vulnerable mothers and mothers-to-be<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglKVhwsUw1eZ7-FY-257H7HYgIJuEe2St4h4eRVsRu2SQFXSuTyhU34Tko3TbMZLp_y-m8EFpCpJ8W-jGFq_k5Gm75n1B_8mJruTXn2c4ly8zrhFXNw0IsoGPr3JraTny_4QK4tWf-kMs/s1600/support+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglKVhwsUw1eZ7-FY-257H7HYgIJuEe2St4h4eRVsRu2SQFXSuTyhU34Tko3TbMZLp_y-m8EFpCpJ8W-jGFq_k5Gm75n1B_8mJruTXn2c4ly8zrhFXNw0IsoGPr3JraTny_4QK4tWf-kMs/s320/support+small.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>Young, unmarried or otherwise unprepared woman gets pregnant, family has conniptions about 'irresponsible behaviour', family accepts the situation and steps in to help, family ends up taking over and mom lets them, confirming family's perception of mom as irresponsible.</b><br />
<br />
I see variations of this story reasonably often in my line of work.<br />
<br />
The young mom carries the stigma of 'irresponsible' pregnancy, very visibly for the term of her pregnancy; <b>partner / sperm donor / rapist is usually unscathed by such societal strictures.</b> Well meaning family steps in to save the day - <b>which is all good and well, except that the help usually comes at a price, and that price is often compliance.</b><br />
<br />
<b>It is truly a challenge to be strong and make good choices when you have been labelled as 'irresponsible'</b> and you feel like you have become everyone's problem, which is often how these young moms feel.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>'How are you going to look after this child?' </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>'What about your studies?'</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>'What were you thinking?' </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>'I told you he wasn't good for you.'</i></div>
<br />
Once everyone is done asking questions, completely overwhelming the young mom to be, breaking down every last shred of confidence she has, then the moment comes for her own mom and dad to step and and fix it all. <b>As if her 'failure' becomes their 'failure' and they have to do their utmost to 'fix it.'</b><br />
<br />
<b>She hands over more and more power as she feels less and less capable.</b><br />
<br />
<b>I'm sure that the delight in being the rescuer, the rock, the provider, isn't a conscious thing,</b> but I sometimes feel that sense of power that comes with being the rescuer ends up causing disempowering situations for the mom to be. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0VVubX-e-GtnSVbq6hHr3XdDP69LX-bvIvR9TpoqT8vp4-Q1nYnWq0U_547reIKJkGU65b3IWUXqdKti0IQ8o3w7pB434vcMyVstKUiZrAcKHA9yXiF-bQOFPxVQ7HDZplTVmE2qtGHs/s1600/alone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0VVubX-e-GtnSVbq6hHr3XdDP69LX-bvIvR9TpoqT8vp4-Q1nYnWq0U_547reIKJkGU65b3IWUXqdKti0IQ8o3w7pB434vcMyVstKUiZrAcKHA9yXiF-bQOFPxVQ7HDZplTVmE2qtGHs/s320/alone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>I've seen moms given absolutely no choice about the circumstances of the birth, not because of the actual costs of her choices, but purely because mom's choices didn't line up with the choices of the financier. </b>Mother's options are not even a point of discussion, because the perception is that <b>she has already proven herself incapable of making good decisions so decision-making needs to be taken out of her hands.</b> To be honest, it's not only the young or otherwise unprepared moms who experience this. Moms who are experiencing domestic abuse or marital difficulties or financial strain get similar treatment.<br />
<br />
<b>Often these moms are left with little to no autonomy, as implicit or explicit threats of withdrawal of finance and / or accommodation and / or acceptance are enough to keep her toeing the line. Her parents speak on her behalf, pay on her behalf and decide on her behalf. </b><br />
<br />
<b>I have yet to see a grandmother-to-be present her daughter with options, encourage her to research those options for herself and find a solution that makes the best of the situation, with the resources at hand, and most importantly, accepts and supports those decisions even if they weren't necessarily the decisions she would make.</b><br />
<br />
I understand that a young mom may choose options that add extra strain to a family, but I'm suggesting that <b>those who are willing to help be honest about the degree of help they are willing to provide, be it financial or otherwise, and then allow the mom to decide</b> how to use the resources that have been made available to her.<br />
<br />
<b>Stepping in and fixing everything often seems to end up paralysing the mom-to-be</b>. She may be overwhelmed at the task ahead of her and steps back, confirming the prevailing perception of her as irresponsible and not up to the task of parenting. This then requires family to step in even more, creating a cycle of disempowerment and resentment.<br />
<br />
Rather, family should give resources as they are willing and able, and thereafter empower and equip the young mom to make the best plan she can with those resources. <b>She is, after all, about to be a parent, and that is, after all, what good parents do. They do the best they can with what they have.</b><br />
<br />
And it's not just about the birth, often these young moms are kept in check or subdued for many years with the <b>'Remember how much you owe me because I saved you' </b>line.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8oLK7QZjRX45exMXWwuQ9Zc4l5m4CLRSHY9LrSzXU-AodvkpVSzyRP7kb-0xId2bcO9gSIoOL_VTvO4C9-70bsAAYMeJcaLaYRis517c4C6fFLNM-9v95JLrw-pqmKm0tcXMp87iUgsU/s1600/freedom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8oLK7QZjRX45exMXWwuQ9Zc4l5m4CLRSHY9LrSzXU-AodvkpVSzyRP7kb-0xId2bcO9gSIoOL_VTvO4C9-70bsAAYMeJcaLaYRis517c4C6fFLNM-9v95JLrw-pqmKm0tcXMp87iUgsU/s320/freedom.jpg" width="320" /></a>Which brings me to the party we haven't yet considered - the baby. <b>That baby will be the one living with the consequences of the mother's choices, as a baby, and into its future as an adult. </b>Surely a dynamic of rescue and disempowerment is not the example one would want to set, as I have seen where the grandmother continually criticised the mother's parenting in front of the child. <b>How is that helpful for this little person who ends up cscond guessing their mother's every move?</b> In one particular case the child became horribly confused and acted out in the most impossible ways, never sure who to listen to or who to be loyal to, and <b>grandmother's perception of her own daughter as a lousy mom was confirmed, </b>thus justifying her intervention in her own mind.<br />
<br />
<b>Rather than disempowering moms, let's remind them that as mothers they have the most powerful influence over that child's life</b>, equaled only perhaps by the father's influence if he is around. <b>Let's show them the power they have and support them in exercising that power to make the decisions that will carry them and their children into the future as responsible individuals, confident in the knowledge that they are equipped to deal with whatever life gives them.</b><br />
<br />
<i>Obviously this isn't the situation for every vulnerable mom, but I do see it quite often. Congratulations to all the families and grandparents who have made the effort to encourage and support vulnerable or single moms rather than 'rescuing' them!<br /></i><br />
<i>Have you experienced something like this?</i><br />
<i>Share your thoughts below...</i>Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-79996986696863606112015-08-26T10:23:00.001-07:002015-11-21T02:48:32.116-08:00Taking a break in 2016 - this Durban doula is with child!<br />
<h3>
To all potential clients, I just have to let you know that I'll be taking a break from doing the doula thing for a while in 2016, because I just don't feel I have the capacity to do what needs to be done with my own newborn to take care of....</h3>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZGh19mskeMT7FGIbagYBHkKm-vani1BsMAbjId0H53nAHciL1fX_CVq7Gz0dFY1rnL1KwoWvpl_vdt0r-F8K-_KKpKAfy3X0Eq_j4rX6sTm9JelRjEZU_gApGZ5LRr7QTlrsih35c44/s1600/20150825_215605-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZGh19mskeMT7FGIbagYBHkKm-vani1BsMAbjId0H53nAHciL1fX_CVq7Gz0dFY1rnL1KwoWvpl_vdt0r-F8K-_KKpKAfy3X0Eq_j4rX6sTm9JelRjEZU_gApGZ5LRr7QTlrsih35c44/s320/20150825_215605-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My view of my belly - I can still see my toe-shoes - <br />
joined by the soon to be 'middle child', </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Yup, this Durban Doula is expecting her third sproglet in April 2016</b> - or rather late autumn as I tend to tell people (here in the Southern Hemisphere). <b>No one can ask me 'Is the baby here yet?' if they don't know exactly when baby is due! </b>(Sneaky I know, these are the things you learn third time around!)<br />
<br />
While I kept a week-by-week diary with my second - which you can find <b><a href="http://www.giving-birth-naturally.net/my-pregnancy-diary-week-by-week.html" target="_blank">here</a> </b>- <b>I'll be keeping a monthly diary this time around. I'm trusting you'll enjoy sharing the journey with me!</b><br />
<br />
So we are at 8 weeks now - 8 weeks since the first day of my LMP (last menstrual period) - <b>which means it is about 6 weeks since conception</b>, and baby is about the size of a kidney bean. While a first time mom would think things are taking so long, <b>all I can think is that it is happening so fast!</b><br />
<br />
<h3>
Last week baby was a little blueberry with a tail and 'arm buds', this week he/she is a kidney bean with webbed fingers and almost eyelids!</h3>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUMAin7GzoquSftz4YpOAqFPe7uPorwdvIvvgRmlkXGItWxfdyRsG8Mg5HSD2caaP3Ri7Czeq1iiseYdLb_lcuAmZYJoGErX7yKoPk1P2fviL96Jbvpc6aclycX57_g6KQaL5EcHg5pw/s1600/Kidney_beans+crop.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUMAin7GzoquSftz4YpOAqFPe7uPorwdvIvvgRmlkXGItWxfdyRsG8Mg5HSD2caaP3Ri7Czeq1iiseYdLb_lcuAmZYJoGErX7yKoPk1P2fviL96Jbvpc6aclycX57_g6KQaL5EcHg5pw/s200/Kidney_beans+crop.png" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Kidney beans" by Sanjay Acharya<br />
Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 <br />
via <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kidney_beans.jpg#/media/File:Kidney_beans.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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I weighed about 7kg more at the beginning of this pregnancy than I did at the beginning of either of the other two, and I still have many of the same clothes, <b>so things are feeling tighter much earlier than they did before!</b><br />
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I'm actually less nauseous than I was before, which is a great blessing as I now have a full time job as well as two preschoolers to look after! <b>It's been quite manageable though, as I'm only nauseous if I stop eating for like, 15 minutes; other than that I'm fine.</b><br />
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<b>Consequently I seem to spend my life eating food, preparing food, or thinking about food!</b> Cravings and aversions seems to change by the minute -<b> not sure if it's a physiological thing, or if it's just me getting the most mileage out of what will most likely be my last pregnancy </b>- but hubby has been doing an absolutely sterling job of keeping me fed and watered - especially when I had 'flu and gastro in the first two weeks after discovering I was pregnant! <b>That was grim. I don't get sick, so pregnancy nausea and fatigue combined with the aches and ails of 'flu and gastro was just horrible!</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi92Z-FY4gFdn4UCVsCI6PaLcidHsBGV-KVrrnZRxF3q1v5rWJLkp8c7QC1C_bPGrg6xqnNrjUHN-p7JWjV2aQatu0-TauX8QzwwS8ULxXzLEkUrBlLFbzpHH4RdSu1mHsPHwCjP-_B8Wg/s1600/11700986_10152925545052181_5406957082744794113_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi92Z-FY4gFdn4UCVsCI6PaLcidHsBGV-KVrrnZRxF3q1v5rWJLkp8c7QC1C_bPGrg6xqnNrjUHN-p7JWjV2aQatu0-TauX8QzwwS8ULxXzLEkUrBlLFbzpHH4RdSu1mHsPHwCjP-_B8Wg/s320/11700986_10152925545052181_5406957082744794113_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Facebook pregnancy announcement...</td></tr>
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<b>The days that I felt only nauseous were good days!</b><br />
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<b>Oddly, I've been craving bitter things </b>- like beer (which I never drink anyway!) and grapefruit juice. That and sour things, and apples, and naartjies (tangerines for non-South Africans). Just yesterday I was craving a good Durban curry - so I think that's what I'll be cooking this evening.<br />
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<b>Things like mincemeat / ground beef on the other hand - I just can't!</b> I can't even go in the kitchen while it is being cooked, and<b> my poor husband 's affectionate kiss after he ate some himself left me dry heaving. Fortunately he didn't take it personally!</b> The smell of coffee just gives me the shivers. <b>It's so crazy how this little being just takes over your whole body - even the way you sense and feel things, the way you are in your skin - it all changes. </b>What a precious gift to hold this little person for this time!<br />
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As with my previous pregnancy, <b>I struggle a bit with dizziness in the mornings</b>, not helpful when you have two preschoolers to get going - but <b>I've found that keeping up with my iron and magnesium has really helped - that and deep breathing and staying well hydrated.</b> A super-involved dad helps too! As I write he is busy making oats porridge for the girls for lunch.<br />
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Some of the other stuff... well, let's just say, <b>I've never tanned at a topless beach before</b>, but I think I know what it would feel like the day after the first time... every day. Um. Yah. Pressing on.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjocSH1YB7STfZF7GU9oOw3BdNhI4kLzlTQimAH6GtAAuvGzJ1S2bZ0-k6oQ6Oo1uKwd9Yk5Qd3B0G2gKnHbmtU5t14NMKZqnHkEuIMzNtLFaZPHgjhB0DKVIyd3zaAdj2zV9VjqfLWw5A/s1600/20150825_215738-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjocSH1YB7STfZF7GU9oOw3BdNhI4kLzlTQimAH6GtAAuvGzJ1S2bZ0-k6oQ6Oo1uKwd9Yk5Qd3B0G2gKnHbmtU5t14NMKZqnHkEuIMzNtLFaZPHgjhB0DKVIyd3zaAdj2zV9VjqfLWw5A/s320/20150825_215738-1.jpg" width="99" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tired with a <br />
teeny belly</td></tr>
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<b>We decided to tell our two girls, A & E, aged 6 and 4, about the pregnancy</b>, because I did need a little extra TLC when I was so ill, and because I'm just horrible at keeping secrets like that about my life. <b>They are very excited</b>, but have very little concept of time so the littlest keeps thinking baby is going to pop out next week - I've got them to understand that baby is only coming out after Christmas, but before E's birthday! <br />
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I'm also keeping them updated with my little week-by-week pregnancy updates which they quite enjoy. <b>They are both convinced that baby is a boy.</b> I'm not sure if it's some kind of sibling intuition or wishful thinking - but as we are only going for a 20-something week scan we still have a while to wait!<br />
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The general response from family and friends has been very positive. <b>We are feeling very loved and supported by our community!</b> But, I must add, <b>where 4 weeks ago it would have been rude to point out anything about the size or shape of my belly, now I am greeted with delighted cries of, 'Oh, you've got a little bump already!'</b><br />
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<b>I'm tempted to make 'Harrumph' noises, but I guess it comes with the territory. </b><br />
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<b>I've been doing some pregnancy stretching exercise on the floor of my bedroom which have been great in helping me feel a little more energised</b> (yay endorphins!) and I'm making a plan to get back into my weekly walks once myself and my walking partner are up to it.<br />
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<b>So anyway, we are planning another water birth at home</b>, <b>as I did with my second child - incredible birth story <a href="http://www.giving-birth-naturally.net/water-birth-story-tmi.html" target="_blank">here</a></b> - so while I am looking forward to it, <b>I am also happy to wait until the time comes and just savour every moment of these precious few weeks of growing and incubating this tiny human inside my own body.</b><br />
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<b>(Find our <a href="http://diaryofadurbandoula.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-durban-doula-pregnancy-diary-week-12.html" target="_blank">week 12 diary here.</a>) </b><br />
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<br />Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7871893003690539378.post-44508294967675816662015-08-25T01:20:00.001-07:002015-08-27T09:51:58.315-07:00How I explained menstruation to my daughters (aged 4 & 6)<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis3TEmR1_3zELEhYjybyF41DikaLIr0wg78wo_hjd5LyqUDkEiLn2wlv1PfKlWVHZyXtcOuO7oQ5rtKO53uaEV5r691K_Jn0HYGS_rCGAPfUiQ-fkTXGxbvTfHgoiIRKA5n0aAIQt3FQA/s1600/birds.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis3TEmR1_3zELEhYjybyF41DikaLIr0wg78wo_hjd5LyqUDkEiLn2wlv1PfKlWVHZyXtcOuO7oQ5rtKO53uaEV5r691K_Jn0HYGS_rCGAPfUiQ-fkTXGxbvTfHgoiIRKA5n0aAIQt3FQA/s320/birds.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The birds...</td></tr>
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I think I have an unfair advantage on this 'Birds and Bees' thing with my girls. I'm a doula so the words <i>vagina </i>and <i>placenta</i> and <i>sex </i>and <i>discharge</i> (etc!) are all part of my daily vocabulary, so my girls have always grown up with (mostly) the correct terms for everything, except we've adopted the term 'yoni' to name their 'private parts'.<br />
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We use the term <i>yoni </i>as the term <i>vagina </i>technically only covers the bit you can't see i.e. the internal bits. In truth, you can't really wax your vagina, 'cos getting wax inside there would be both difficult, uncomfortable and unnecessary. The other term for the whole area, including urethra and vagina, is the pudendum, which literally means 'shameful place' - also not a term I'm happy using. Yoni seemed like a great alternative as it means 'sacred space', with the implication of being a place of creation, rather than 'sheath' which is what the term 'vagina' means...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl2_L_UpPxgNtf04ggfINlL8vNFFMRyC-AV4VR7TMeFYF3Z1Mcb798GAOqS0d-K9rMSBI-c29bTqEZ77Y7k-75xFPuhjGzRK-wrYRnqJDJh8BhCjW5X3zwx-VXrNJ42r1Ed7T0RyCrDKs/s1600/single-cup-closeup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgl2_L_UpPxgNtf04ggfINlL8vNFFMRyC-AV4VR7TMeFYF3Z1Mcb798GAOqS0d-K9rMSBI-c29bTqEZ77Y7k-75xFPuhjGzRK-wrYRnqJDJh8BhCjW5X3zwx-VXrNJ42r1Ed7T0RyCrDKs/s200/single-cup-closeup.jpg" width="141" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Menstrual Cup<br />
(Upside Down!)</td></tr>
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I use a <a href="http://www.bumbeline.co.za/site/menstrual-cups" target="_blank">menstrual cup</a> for my monthlies, so when my curious 5 year old found it and wanted to know why she couldn't play with it, I took it as my chance to make this into a learning opportunity. So this was how I explained menstruation to my then 5 year old:</div>
<blockquote>
You know when a baby grows inside a mom's belly, it grows in her womb? Womb sounds like room doesn't it? Well, the womb is like a room for the baby. (Many giggles trying to say womb and room as she struggles with her R's.) </blockquote>
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What is in your room? A bed? Well mommies' bodies are so clever that every month they make a bed in case mommy and daddy make a baby there. </blockquote>
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What carries food and life around our bodies? Yes, blood! (We had this discussion before.) So our clever bodies make a special bed out of special blood to feed a baby just in case. But if we don't put the baby there, then the bed gets old, and it has to come out, so then the blood comes out by your vagina, but it isn't bad blood like when you get hurt, it's very special blood. So we use the cup to catch the blood so it doesn't make a mess, isn't that clever? Then next month mommy's body makes a whole new bed in the womb / room and it starts all over again. Isn't that amazing? So when you were a baby in my belly, you had your own room, my womb! And you climbed into the bed my womb made and that's where you grew and grew and grew, getting your food and oxygen from my blood until you were big enough to come out. Aren't you glad there was a bed ready for you? </blockquote>
To be honest, she was happy with that, and on that occasion she didn't really want more information about how babies get put there, although we have previously had a discussion about how dad puts a seed in mom's womb, and then the egg and the seed together make a baby, exactly how that happens she hasn't asked, but I think she has an idea. Once you know the anatomy, the mechanics are pretty obvious!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9KJ03_WXVdoGyrRSBf6M-fCrx3LwoSdLseUMbyzaa2TN6x5q1AwF6DjNjNhFbBG3ZouwfDOc1OYqjkvsBCjTtmbqUPeBlL7uoYQw8WWbiy_rQA5Bw8826rsvCllLidQGz2OoD1WBqaJA/s1600/bees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9KJ03_WXVdoGyrRSBf6M-fCrx3LwoSdLseUMbyzaa2TN6x5q1AwF6DjNjNhFbBG3ZouwfDOc1OYqjkvsBCjTtmbqUPeBlL7uoYQw8WWbiy_rQA5Bw8826rsvCllLidQGz2OoD1WBqaJA/s320/bees.jpg" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and the bees.<br />
(Who thought of that anyway?)</td></tr>
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And the girls both know they came out of my yoni, so that part is also easy!<br />
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Speaking of anatomy, we have a lovely big kids' anatomy book with accurate cross section diagrams, so we have studied genitalia along with all the other parts and organs, which has really helped it to be less awkward. In general, I think if we are unfussed and matter of fact, they will be too. Or maybe this is one thing we can learn from them?<br />
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Like with menstruation, even now I can tell my girls that when the old bed is coming out it can sometimes be a bit sore, so on those days I take extra special care of myself, and I tell them that one day when they start having a period every month, I'll take extra special care of them on those days too. There are some lovely gift packs you can get to celebrate a girl's <i>menarche </i>or first menstruation - something I'll definitely look at!<br />
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I don't want menstruation to be a case of, 'Here are some pads, don't let your brother see,' but rather a celebration of our capacity to bring forth life out of our bodies. Our Western culture seems to see women's bodies as inherently 'unclean': natural birth is and amniotic fluid is 'gross' rather than glorious, breastmilk is a seen as a biohazard with working moms being told they can't rinse their pump parts in the office kitchen sink. But any old cow's milk is fine. Um. No. I recorded this YouTube video on that topic - take a look and let me know your thoughts!<br />
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I know women who were told that their vaginas were essentially putrid, seeping wounds, and while the experience of many may not be quite so discouraging, I think it comes close. I'd like my girls to see their vaginas as powerful channels that facilitate both pleasure and procreation. So for example, if a daughter is presenting her gorgeous yoni to the world, where another mother may say, 'Sies! Put that away! No on wants to see that!' I've tried to rather take the line that our yonis are so special and precious that we only show them to people we trust, people who know how special and precious they are - which leads on to a whole discussion on what we can do to protect our children from sexual predators, but we'll leave that for another time. <br />
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So with menstruation and intercourse and childbirth and various stages of a woman's life, I have a sneaky (but pretty well founded) suspicion that if we approached the process with less shame, we might experience less pain, and consequently more pleasure. I certainly have found that my struggles with menstruation closely match my prevailing mental state, and my experiences of childbirth have also largely mirrored my confidence in my body's ability to give birth without mishap. As for my girls, ask me in 6 years!<br />
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<i>How were you taught, or not taught about menstruation? What helped you the most in coming to terms with your changing body? Share your thoughts below!</i><br />
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Leighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10288737862531034254noreply@blogger.com8